February 22, 2026 Sunday

Greetings!

McFamily came home late Tuesday night.  They are leaving for Minneapolis again on Wednesday.  Dagan's pacemaker is almost out of juice so they are going back down so he can get a replacement once again.  I don't think any of us remember how many pacemakers he's had since he was twelve.  He'll be having surgery Thursday morning.  Not sure when they'll be driving back.  Depends on how he does and sometimes to be on the safe side they don't want him to leave town for a while since he lives so far away.  (It's a good 250-260 mile drive.) 

When I was upstairs keeping Blink company last weekend I took a picture of the back yard to show you how little snow we had left after the brief warm spell.

I figured out a crazy way to show you my swollen hand.  Used a cell phone holder and a stylus between my teeth to press the button--lol!  May be hard to tell but my right hand has swollen up since the IV.  Just had a slight swelling at the base of my first finger before the surgery.  (And I thought that hurt enough--lol!)

But you can see how badly swollen it is.  Can't stretch it out straight right now.  Hurts to use it for anything.  And it's my dominant hand, of course.

Just wanted to show you that I am not exaggerating as to what I am up against as far as typing and handwriting...and that's not even counting the watery eye--lol!  

We had another winter storm.  The view from the basement after about half an hour.

By the next morning.

I never heard how many inches we got.

Anyways, Monday I go back for a follow-up on my eye.  Bright light (and not what I would have previously considered all that bright--lol!) still makes my eye water more.  The brighter the more it runs down my cheek and the more it hurts.  It is still sore to the touch, but not as sore as it was.  Be interested to see if they have any suggestions as to what else can be done or should we just continue to wait and hope it clears up eventually.  I think it will.  Eventually.  Meanwhile, I am happy for cloudy dark days and live in dimmed lights or half-darkness down here.

I have had so much enforced, unexpected inactivity recently...been thinking a lot about my soul...my path.  The intensity of this past year, especially, has really weighed heavily and I've been carrying so much negative energy.  I haven't felt like myself.  The endless threats, worry, judgement, disrespect, sorrow, shock, embarrassment, shame, anger, disbelief, violence, disgust, pain, and death can creep into your soul.  I think I have even been carrying it in my body.

I grew up in a time where we learned in grade school how to hide under our desks in a ball and cover our heads to protect us from an atomic bomb.  (Even as a child I thought that was a ridiculous defense.)  In junior high they shot the president.  In high school I ate dinner every night to the sounds of helicopter blades and gunfire and bombs as my folks always watched the news.  Vietnam was the first televised war.  There were protests about the war, women's rights, civil rights.  I graduated in June of 1968 and was snatched off the street walking home from a beach dance and was beaten and raped in July.  Many times when I was growing up I wondered if it was the end of this country and everything I knew.  But we survived.  I have tremendous faith in humanity.  We have failed and risen again so many times.

So, crazy as it sounds, I went back and watched 1968: The Year That Changed America.  I saw it on HBO max.  Prime has it--but only to rent.  I don't know where else one can find it.  But I watched all four episodes.  I cried.  As I did back then.  But I had always believed that even if things fell apart that people would find a way to build again, you know?  People--humanity--would never give up.  They never have.  Not in the long run.  There has always been a battle down here on this earth between love and hate--positives and negatives--good and evil--compassion and cruelty--however you want to label it.  I have always believed that we are here to choose...to try to live the best life we can...to be the best person we can be.  Each day...we choose.  

I have let despair and disgust and fear creep into my days.  I am not proud of myself.  We humans can be such a weak lot.  Need to kick myself in the butt and refocus.  If I let all of that weigh me down and become a part of me--then hate wins...negatives win!  I am adding to their side!  I watched all the neighbors helping neighbors in Minnesota and it made my heart soar!  THAT is who we are!  THAT is the core of humanity I believe in and have faith in.  All I have to do is hold tight to my core belief that love is stronger than hate...and more precious and beautiful.  It is the side of us we can be proud of...aspire to.  They were beacons of holy light in the darkness. 

I choose.  

It won't be easy.  Hate is loud and cruel.  But I am just glad I realized I had to make a more definite choice.  That it is just a choice I have to make for my own soul.  Maybe all this division all over the earth is part of a huge shift in this earth energy.  If so--I believe we can heal.  I believe we can learn a better way.   Each soul is precious.  We are all imperfect.  We truly are all in this together.

So--that is how I have been spending some of my forced inactive time.  Well spent, though.  I can feel it growing like a seed in my chest.  I have always said that it is not what we do in this life or how long we are here that is the most important.  It is who we are--what kind of a person we have chosen to be.  Now--walk the talk, baby!  I feel this has been a long, drawn-out test for my soul.  More intensely since becoming disabled honestly.  Been a long slow process of baby step insights--lol!  Well, I will work on my soul.  I promise.  It's been a lifelong job...that doesn't end till it ends.  (And even then, I may be back for all I know--lol!)

Meanwhile, Allie appreciates the little things in life.   

Watching fish swimming in a Game of Thrones fish tank--lol!  Reminds me of the years I spent in pet shops.  Ran the fish departments in a couple places.

I realize this is my own personal spiritual journey, but I always do tell you what is going on in my life.  Whatever that is.  Let's just say it has been a contemplative last couple of weeks--lol!  I am feeling the slow lifting of a weight in my chest...and that is a good thing.  I just have to keep remembering to make choices all the time.  ;)  I believe it will get easier.  I know what side I have chosen.  ;)

Till next week.  You are blessed to me.  Sending love and hugs from Fargo!  :) :)