Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother's Day-Sunday-11:30am

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! I got roses from Dagan and Leah yesterday. I was surprised. Even though they have been getting me roses for the past few years--it always feels like a shocking one-time thing and I don't expect it to be repeated, I guess. It's Leah. She's the one who remembers me. :) Dagan at least remembers which month my birthday is if he is asked--chuckle! We never made a big deal over birthdays and such. Dagan quit remembering Mother's Day when he no longer had a grade school teacher having the kids make something--hehe! He has shocked me a couple of times since then and actually remembered Mother's Day--on his own before he got married, I mean--but I know he loves me. :)

Karma had her nose in the bouquet right off the bat, of course. I found out when she was a kitten a couple of years ago that she loves baby's breath. Woke up the next day and Karma had pulled as many of them as she could out of the vase and eaten them--stems and all! And then she had grazed around the bouquet and chewed off all the little white flowers she could reach. It was amazing she didn't tip the vase over! So the flowers went up on top of the bookcase--hehe!

This year Leah had a handmade card in with the roses. She had gone to the florist's shop, picked out the purple vase, and even did the arrangement herself! That Leah! She touches my heart in places I didn't know I had!
Well, confession time. For the past couple of months I have not been using my timer and limiting myself to an hour or less for activities--like being on the computer, especially. I have been trying to think positive and just believe that I am getting better--and figured that my body would catch up with my mind. And I am/was better than I had been--even a better trip to Minneapolis than I have had since the fibro got really bad...
Anyways, I have been trying to just ignore the pain and continue to do more and repeatedly push myself--for around two months or more. But ignoring it is not really physically possible any longer. I feel a little like I did when I was in school--not good. The pain level has risen 24/7 and I am having a lot more trouble sleeping because of it and that creates a bad cycle. Misery level--just plain too high. So, I am back to using the timer and back to my 3-4 hours total a day--starting today.
I have just missed being able to do what I want for as long as I want--soooo badly. I love being "lost in time" doing creative things like drawing or just surfing the net and reading posts or even playing solitare on the computer. It was so simple when I was healthy.....*sigh*....
I still believe I will improve. I just have to take it much slower than I have been. My enthusiasm and optimism kind of backfired on me and has put me out of commisson for a while here. It may take me a few weeks to get back to where I was, so if I am not answering emails as quickly--that is why. And I might not be blogging every day. All my own fault. I joyfully did this to myself--hehe! I promise I will be good and use the timer again. (Right now it is not even an issue--can't last an hour--hehe!)
From a cock-eyed optimist in Fargo....

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