Friday-4:30am

I think I am totally overwhelmed by the results of my consultation with the oral surgeon. Slept for under 4 hours and couldn't get back to sleep--so here I am. I don't know if I can explain it all very well in my layman's terms, but what I know so far is that the oral surgeon will have to remove part of my lower jaw all around that wisdom tooth because there's a cyst and the bone is literally deteriorating. It's not cancer, but it could be one of two things that I can't pronounce. If it turns out to be the more aggressive one (as far as bone deterioration goes) I think he'd have to remove more bone and I might have to have additional surgery?? Regardless, I will have to have a bone graft after they remove the tooth and portion of the jawbone--they do the graft at the time. And there's the possibility I could be numb on that side of my face (temporary or permanent) because they are removing bone right by the nerve. He can't guarantee, of course, but he said he's pretty good at being able to tell when he sees it which it is (the bad or the worse condition).

Okay--that's the first part.

I also have arthritis in my jaw--and the joints are deteriorating from that. The side where they are taking the wisdom tooth out is already bone on bone. I guess. There was a mysterious dark shadow spot by the joint that he wasn't sure what it was. So--I am having a CT scan tonight at 5pm on my jaw. He wasn't going to do the surgery until he could see the CT scan to try to have a better idea before he goes in there.

Right now that's all I can remember. Except for all the worse case scenarios they have to tell you as outside possibilities--you know, like cracked jawbones, dying and such--that is all the basics, I think. whew!

He seemed amazed that I didn't seem to be in more pain--even with the pain pills. I told him that right at that time sitting there talking to him the pain I had going across my shoulders, down my back, and across my hips from the fibro was worse than my jaw. My fibro pain is sharp and the jaw pain is duller. Everything is relative, right? When you're in pain 24/7 you have to learn to ignore it as much as possible--keep your focus elsewhere, you know? Otherwise it could take over your life altogether! So, I told him I have no idea how long I've had the bad tooth/jaw because it didn't hurt enough--hehe!

Anyways, surgery is scheduled for Thursday the 26th at 11am. Happy birthday to me, eh? hehe! (My birthday is the 28th.) If you can think of me and say a little prayer or send some good energy it would be most humbly appreciated. :):)

I am so blessed that Leah isn't working at this time so she can be with me for this and be my driver, too. She is bringing me to the CT scan at the hospital tonight. She's coming over for the afternoon and we are going to do something FUN! We are going to finish up with the labeling and cleaning the rubber stamp drawers--get this project finished finally--tada! I'll be so glad to have that done before I am laid up--hehe!

We couldn't believe the snow!!! My bird's eye view just doesn't cut it--hehe! Leah couldn't even see me come out of the building yesterday! When she dropped me off (she pulled the car up so she could back up to turn around and we were at this weird angle) we took some pictures. There are walls of snow! Way taller than my 5'2", that's for sure!! And they haven't cleared down to the sidewalk yet!

You can't even see the first floor people's windows!! That is a second floor balcony! The snow mounds are taller than most of the first floor windows all along the sidewalk there.

Most snow I've seen in the ten years I've lived here, that's for sure!!

Right before I left yesterday I got a package of goodies. Didn't even have time to open it. So--I had something fun to do when I got home. Nice!! I needed that! :):)
Mostly embellishments: crystals, sequins, pearls, button brads, dew drops, magnetic discs--fun stuff I have never tried. Also got a glue pad, pound of little paper (plain), and one more pretty little paper pad (8X8). Try something new!

Still waiting on the going out of business sale stuff I ordered in February from Luminarte. She said they were swamped and still making up some of the items when I called about 10 days ago--so should be any day now. I think it is/was a really small family type business. Sad to see some of these great little companies go under. :(

Well, anyways--it was sooooo wonderful that, for once, when I got bad news or something really bad happened--I wasn't alone!! :):):) That has normally been the case in my life. I have joked about how it must have been my karma--some debt I had to repay or lesson to learn this time around. You know how most people withdraw into themselves in a crisis or bad situation? They pull back their energy and more often need yours--so that, even if they are physically there, they aren't able to really be there for you, you know? You don't feel any support and often feel your energy drained off to them. Hard to explain. It's an energy/emotional thing that goes beyond words--in fact, doesn't need words.

After almost 58 years you have no expectations that it will ever be any different, you know? But this time--I was sitting in the room alone--trying to absorb what I had just been told--when it occured to me....I actually have somebody sitting out in the waiting room who loves me, cares about me, and will actually be there for me! Wow! I just got tears in my eyes writing that. :):) When I went out to the waiting room later--that was one of the first things I told Leah. She hugged me! I am so grateful! Life is good!!

With a mutual giving of energy--there is no drain. There is more energy--support. I know I have my people who love me--and I can feel their support even when they aren't with me and live so far away--but it was nice to have somebody in the waiting room--at the time--to give me a hug. Somebody I didn't have to take care of or help through my bad news, you know? ROFL!! Oh life is such a hoot!

Rough and smooth, high and low, dark and light--earth is a wondrous, wondrous place! :):)