Friday 11:30pm

This is the angel picture that hangs next to me here by the computer. Very victorian looking girl angel. If I remember it is titled "Angel Unaware"? I now have the picture of me as a little girl tucked into the corner, but I removed it so I could show the whole picture to you.
I watched a really odd movie with Robin Williams called The Night Listener. The fact that this was based on a true story made it all the more interesting to me! It's the kind of movie I don't want to say much about--don't want to give anything away. I was fascinated by it!

Reality blurs with fiction in this psychological thriller adapted from Armistead Maupin's novel about writer and radio host Gabriel Noone (Robin Williams). While Gabriel's romantic life falls apart he receives a manuscript from a troubled young fan (Rory Culkin). Despite his friends' warnings, fragile Gabriel develops an unsettling relationship with the boy and his blind guardian. Based on a true story. Toni Collette and Sandra Oh co-star.

Dagan stopped by before bowling last night and switched my DVD/VCRs for me. Now the one I can both tape off the TV and watch a DVD at the same time is in the living room again. He washed his CocaCola red bowling ball in the sink with soap and water--and we got to laughing about the ball flying off his fingers if there was still water in the finger holes.

Leah stopped after her second job around 7ish. Got to playing with the Melting Pot and stayed till after 9:30pm. I just knew she'd love it! Leah experimented with using the suggestion we got for preventing polymer clay from sticking to molds--Armor All Tire Shine! We had already picked some up and hadn't tried it yet on the polymer clay. It worked with the melted art really well. A little smelly--like WD40, Leah said. True. I'm not even sure why we find this silly melting pot so totally fascinating, but we do.

The little kit with the non-stick spatula and spoon/tweezers--the spoon/tweezers were anything but non-stick! I am going to mail them back and get store credit. Leah said she'll peek around for some teflon/silicone spoons and utensils we can use. Comes right off of the silicone spatula like a charm!

We got to talking about The Secret and the weight loss concepts. Leah said I probably shouldn't be counting calories and focusing so much on food and my weight--true! According to the Law of Attraction, we should just be feeling as positive as we can and believing that we will have the perfect bodies for us. According to the LOA--the people who can eat absolutely anything and not gain weight--it is because they totally believe that fact. They sure do say it all the time, that's for sure.

So--I quit tracking my foods on Sparks today. But I am still involved on Sparks in the groups and love the positive people there. As long as they are good for me and I don't spend too much time on the computer--I will stay in my groups. I did cut back on the number of groups I am in, too. I am still tracking the things in the one sparks challenge I signed up for (Jan 1-Feb 14). To meditate 3X a week and learn something once a week (good positive things!!)--but I will not worry about losing a certain amount of weight. I added exercise 3X a week, too. I know that is good for me, no matter how small I start out. :)

I will just try to be as positive as I can be all the time. I know what I DO personally believe and I will stick with that for now. I DO believe that if I eat healthier it is good for my body. So, I will continue to eat healthier--and not beat myself up for any foods. I DO believe that if I can learn to listen to my body it will tell me what is more positive for me to eat. So, I will continue to learn to listen to my body.

When I do my meditations I remember myself at my perfect weight, healthy, and with lots of energy. I try to feel what it felt like. I want to send that out to the universe. The truth is--when I look back over the years--my weight has seemed to have less to do with what I eat than with how I felt about myself and with what I believed about myself. I remember many times staying the same weight no matter what I ate or what I did--heavier or thinner--made no difference. So, maybe the LOA is really true? It really feels true to me. It is hard to change one's beliefs--but it is certainly not impossible.

The first thing I am doing is to stop focusing on food and my weight constantly. Now I am going to try to focus on thinking about how I feel about what I eat before I eat it. Eat foods that make me feel positive and stop thinking of food as the enemy. I am my own worst enemy, actually--hehe! Actually stop thinking so much about food and losing weight--just focus on feeling good and positive. Use visualization to be what I want to be.

Eliminating negatives. One of those is to watch less TV. Not that I watch a lot of what I would have classified as "negative" TV (I try to stay away from the news and such) and not that TV itself is bad--but watching too much of it keeps me from doing other more positive things. Even if I do have a lot of down time--I could be reading or writing. I can do those in my chair with my props to assist me and not suffer much.

And the closer attention I pay--TV is looking different to me. There is an awful lot of violence, insult humor, gossip, fear, murders, lying... I know you can't get away from that side of life altogether, but I can be aware of how watching makes me feel. Like--there are murders on Monk, but the show doesn't make me feel down or fearful or upset when I am watching it, you know. Mr. Monk always makes me laugh and he is charming. And I will have more control if I am picking and choosing from Netflix. If I drop cable and have just a few TV channels and only watch a few programs that I have taped--I can skip commercials, too. My problem is that living alone I am in the habit of having the TV on all the time even if I am not watching it--just for the company. That will be a major change I have attempted to make in the past and not been successful with--turning off the TV for most of the day. This time I will be successful. I am putting that out to the universe.

Thinking healthy. I keep saying to myself that I will have more and more good, productive time each day. I will be able to exercise longer and longer without extra pain. MY IBS will clear up faster than I imagined. And I will continue to be grateful for everything in my life--even the weight and the health issues and all the rest. Each aspect--each hurdle has been a gift--an oppotunity to learn spiritual lessons.

I had asked my angels and guides for help to continue on this path to better health in 2007. The year has started out with huge advances and amazing information!! I will do my best! :):)