Monday, April 09, 2007

Monday-11:30am

Decision number one. I dismantled the Nepal sketchbook. It came to me that I could use the sheets for cardmaking and other crafts--and could recylce them when I make handmade paper for cardstock! I was so relieved. I love paper. But this particular paper (for me, anyways) needed some other outlet--hehe! We just did not connect.

Decision number two still plagued me: draw in pencil or pen? I played around on scratch paper with pencil this weekend--which was fun. With pencil I can adjust my shape and perspective errors a bit, but there's something bolder about drawing with pen that pushes my limits, too. My perspective is not perfect, of course, no matter which I use. I couldn't decide. Something wasn't right.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and took notes on what came to me:

I shouldn't be thinking of this as strictly a sketchbook--it is my illustrated journal. I should go back to how I felt when I was very young and first writing and drawing. There wasn't a defined difference to me between the drawing and the talking on paper back then. When I first started expressing myself on paper, I was about nine or ten years old. I went off alone with paper and pencil when I was upset, confused, joyous, pondering, frustrated, bored--didn't really have anybody I could talk to. I always felt that my guardian angel was kind of over my right shoulder--watching over me and helping me to see less selfishly and with a more spiritual perspective (whether I liked it or not--hehe!). It was just me and God and paper. Well, and God's representative, I should say--hehe! I thought of it as going to my safe place.

I remember writing around and around something until my perspective changed and it became clearer to me and I could find some answers, some peace. Or I just plain wanted to share my joy and excitement over something. And while I sat thinking (inbetween talking on paper)--I drew and doodled and sketched.

I woke up chuckling--thinking that paper is like a creativity "bib" for me. It catches everything that falls out of my mouth--my head--my eyes--my ears.....and it covers my heart. :)

Anyways, I am not afraid of the pristine journal anymore. It doesn't matter what I use to draw with--pencil, pens, colored pencils--whatever strikes my fancy. I could use something different every time--every page. There are no rules! No lines! It is my own space--my safe place. I can choose to share or not share. Freedom!!

Have a wonderful day!!!

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