Good morning!
A much better week! Sometimes I just need to do serious work on myself. :)
On Tuesday I went over to watch the boys while Dagan and Leah went to see the new Deadpool/Wolverine movie. I brought with the fake Lego bouquet to put together. Liam wasn't that interested and was playing some game with cats in it--lol! Ian and I worked on the flowers and got through the first instruction booklet. Made eight flowers, if I remember correctly. It was 8pm by the time we finished those. So we found a safe place to store them and I'm going back tomorrow afternoon so we can finish them. Saved taking pictures till we're done. ;) Read the boys a silly book and they were to bed a little after nine. Was a very nice night!
Before they went to bed they wanted me to see the lights were working downstairs! They ran down to turn them all before I got down there. Wow! Love it! There are dimmers on the living room lights, too.
This is going to be the long narrow storage room that is under the entryway. (Somehow this photo was the only one Blogger decided needed to be left aligned and I can't change its mind--lol!)
This is where the litter boxes will be--under the stairs. I will certainly be able to see to scoop--lol! (Blogger also stubbornly centered this line...who knows how it will look when I actually publish this--lol!)
The cabinet people can't come back until the drywallers seal off that hole over the frig and a couple other holes they made they shouldn't have. Plumbers will be back, too. Also the trim and door guy will be coming--and the carpet needs to be laid down the stairs. So many contractors to deal with. But it is coming along.
I think some people got the impression I was upset with Dagan and Leah. I was talking about myself. Me. My own issues with dealing with the wait. That was what was causing my meltdown. Nothing really logical. Everything is going about as well as it can be. I love them all. I know their weaknesses and they know mine. None of us are perfect, for sure. But I can hardly wait to be there. They wish I was already there, too. It will work out. I'm not even the one who is dealing with all the contractors and such. I'm just waiting in my place full of bins and boxes. So, I know I have no logical reason to complain. I have everything I need. We have no deadlines. Contractors mess up or don't respond sometimes. Poor Leah gets most of the headaches. Just so much to deal with.
Anyways, I'm sure it was probably confusing to those of you who don't know me well. Like most of us would assume (including myself), I thought my stress was due to it taking so long. But it wasn't. Not really. It was due much, much more to me--who I am and living in chaos for so long. Not having control--of my home, of the move, of my stuff--lol! When you grow up feeling alone, like you have no control over your life, no emotional support, and way too much responsibility way too early...as soon as I got my own room when I was around 9 or 10...well, I had complete and total control over my very organized room. It was my sanctuary...my safe place. No one was allowed to enter without my consent--not my brother, sister, or my parents...and they well knew what it meant to me. I don't get angry often, but people know when not to cross a line with me--lol! Plus, I also knew where every little thing belonged in my room (think Adrian Monk) so that I would know if anyone had been in there or had gone through a drawer or moved anything at all. [Note: I do know someone had been in there a couple times over the years...quite carefully...likely a sibling. I just kept a close watch and bought a lockable file box for my journals. Then no one came back that I know of--lol!]
Yes, when I say I have an OCD side...I do. I have loosened up a little bit over the years, but to this day...no one messes with my stuff. We weren't allowed in my folks' bedroom. My grandparents were that way about their bedrooms (yes, they each had their own--both sets) and we weren't allowed to touch any of their things, either. So I grew up learning a high respect for other people's things and their spaces, you know. We grew up being taught not to touch anything in any store when we were shopping with Mom. And we had to be quiet and respectful of adults...all that stuff. Especially on my dad's side. Children were to be seen and not heard. Actually it was preferrable if we were also not even seen--ROFL!
I don't think I have even talked about any of this on the blog before. Well, now it will make more sense as to how this was all my own personal meltdown. Imagine Monk living with his home torn apart--ROFL! I think of Monk because a part of me quite understood where he was coming from in a lot of ways--LOL! Loved that show.
Anyways, now that I have dug down for the core reasons that I was unreasonably upset...I am feeling much better. I have learned something about myself that runs deeper than I had thought. Know thyself, eh? Always makes life easier. Even when some things are difficult to face. I dearly love McFamily. I am grateful that they love me, too, and put up with me. :)
Meanwhile, Keanna came on Thursday instead of Tuesday. We've had a cooler weather spell that has been just delightful!! Have been able to open the place up...which makes Miss Allie very happy, too.
Then--lastly--QOR. Two small sets--High Chroma set and Earth set.
QOR set of 24.
I have to say that the QOR sets by Golden did feel quite different using them. They look different on the page, too. Much more like the artist quality watercolors I'm familiar with. Hard to explain the difference. I kind of thought they might--hence trying more sets--lol! (I had already bought the small sets quite a while ago before I ordered the rest of these.) But then, I have not played with any of them to see how they blend or work in real practice, you know. Will be fun to find out. :) :) The ones I liked the least were the first two, but I will play with them, too. Swatching is one thing...
So, there you have it. Now you know. I am probably an even weirder human than you thought I was--lol! Anybody would likely be impatient with a wait much longer than expected, but most people wouldn't have an internal meltdown, I don't think. I'm like half-Adrian Monk, though. In fact, I just watched three seasons of Professor T on Masterpiece Prime...another guy I can relate to. Not as bad as he is, either--thank goodness. But I do have my OCD side, that's for sure. Truth. I do go around after my cleaners leave and put everything exactly back where it belongs--lol! Always have.
I am a great believer in the deep dives...in knowing what makes you tick. Highly recommend it. Makes life easier during the rough spots. Sometimes you even discover that the really rough part was all inside of you in the first place. I was sweating the small stuff, as they say. Deep dives always give me a new perspective. I am so grateful that Dagan and Leah still love me and want me to live with them. Grateful for Allie sleeping next to me. And even grateful that when I AM unhappy that I have always been one to eventually dig to find out why and what I can do about it. Feels awful. I prefer to be content and optimistic and happy. Very grateful for that side of me, too. :)
Till next week, my dear friends. Bless you for just being there. We all need somebody to just listen and hear us sometimes. Thank you!! Thank you so much!! :)
15 comments:
Bless you. Hurray for deep dives! And for all the art materials available to us. ❤️
It makes sense to me that you can get discouraged by having your stuff and life upended for a really long time. I think you are doing so well in many ways, and thanks for the deep dive into what is going on in your head and heart. And thanks for all the pictures, too. Sending you boundless love and joy.
That looks like a lot of room down there and it is coming right along. It seems like a long time now, but you will be in there soon enough!
Speaking for myself, I did not find anything wrong with your expression of feelings. I think it is good to get it out of your system. I think, but I can be a grumper, that it helps to sort things out. Your new living quarters look fantastic, even in the unfinished state. You are going to be so happy there!
Your post paints a vivid picture of your week! It’s great to hear that you’ve been making progress with the renovations and spending quality time with the boys. The updates and improvements sound exciting, even with the usual contractor chaos. I can totally understand how living in such a state of flux would be challenging, especially given your past experiences with organization and control. It's impressive how you're reflecting on and managing your feelings throughout this process.
By the way, I just shared a new blog post that I think you’ll enjoy. I’d love for you to check it out when you have a moment!
The apartment is looking great! I hope things get finished a bit faster sounds like there is not too much left to do. Oh yes Sheet rock leaves a big mess. (We call it shitrock)
OCD yes I understand about how you feel with all your things in boxes:)
Real progress! Exciting! I love all that light ❤️ I didn't get the impression that you were upset with anything but the delay. I'm sure it's frustrating.
Progress is slowly being made on your new home but not without some headaches for Leah.
Reading about your room as a child took me back to my room as a child it was what I call an organised mess, it loke a mess but I knew where stuff was.
We are all a little weird
Wow, it looks like things are moving right along. Any kind of construction project always takes longer than originally anticipated. You new apartment looks really great. After all you've been through, impatience is to be expected. I hope you have a good week. See you again soon!
There's nothing wrong with having your feelings and sharing them. It's been two years of waiting with very slow progress. It's great that you can look into yourself to realize what's bothering you, but it's okay to be upset, too. Your cabinets are beautiful. It's nice to see some progress. It's great that you spent the evening with the boys and will spend more time with them soon.
Love,
Janie
My grandmother wouldn't allow anyone in her kitchen. I didn't know how to cook, but I also didn't have to do dishes. I also understand respecting others' things.
I like your analogy with Monk. I can certainly understand.
You can never go wrong with Golden. they are far more expensive than other brands, but they are worth it in the end, especially for anyone selling their art.
The lights make all the difference in the world. And I know you will be happy there soon.
It can be tiring to have to wait for something,
let joy win... do nice things until the move.
A hug for you.
Everywhere is looking terrific. Soon you will be moving in, and if you decide you don’t like the colour of something you have the paints to change it! All the best - David
You have shared so much in this post, Rita, and while reading it, I had the impression that you were feeling better by sharing your deepest feelings, something many of us, myself included, do not do often. Sure, there have been delays in getting your future home completed, but from the photos you showed today, you will have a wonderful place when it's move-in time. The kitchen really looks nice even in its present state, better when the hole is patched up 😉 Looking forward to seeing the lego wreath when it's completed.
I hear you on living in the chaos of no control and no stuff about you. I'm glad you took the deep dive (I need to do that now and then, too.) Boy -- it looks like things are really coming along and I know you'll be thrilled with it all. I saw those Lego flowers at the store and they intrigued me. I'll be eager to see yours. And good hearing about your paint experiments. I'm curious about QOR. I don't have any of those. Share away, my friend. It's good therapy. And your blog friends care.
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