Tuesday, October 26, 2021

October 26, 2021 Tuesday--11am

 Good morning.

Didn't manage to blog yesterday.  Was much more of an effort just to shower and throw a lounger and robe on than I had expected.  I had Katie coming to clean and never even got dressed so that tells you how I've been feeling in a nutshell.  After she left I fell asleep for several hours and just never could work up to doing the blog.  This morning I am starting with good intentions.  Hello!

The main issue...can't stop throwing up and dry heaving.  Even wakes me up while I am sleeping.  The new once a day pill doesn't seem to be doing much of anything.  I had to cancel my CT Scan for tomorrow.  Contacted Dr. Kobrossy and he refered me to a GI specialist yesterday...so I should be getting a call from them soon to set up an appointment.  Not sure what is going on because Kobrossy says all the chemo should be out of my system by now.

I told him that the chemo seems to have set off all my chronic issues...like the covid vaccine did.  My chronic fatigue seems to be magnified--hasn't been this bad for years.  Maybe the chemo has also drug up an older issue I haven't had to deal with for maybe fifteen years now.  When I got the hand/arm injury on the job in the 90s and they gave me high doses of Ibuprofen for months it seemed to eat my guts out.  I had acid reflux issues really badly for years afterwards and have had trouble taking certain medications since then.  Finally had subsided...maybe12-15 years ago, I'd say.  Only rare flare ups.  I did throw up on occasion back then and would get nauseous...so maybe the chemo set that off, too?  Anyways, that's my theory.

Well, let's see...going back through the week.

Tuesday I managed to lurk in another monthly Kaila Givehand bookbinding workshop.  Stayed awake for the whole thing.

Thursday Leah came by in the evening.  She cut back the planters for me, brought out trash and some stuff to the garage.

Friday was the clinic.  I was carryng my little puke container again.  This time the girl used a larger needle and my port worked right away.  Saw Kobrossy after the labwork came back.  He seemed baffled by my still being so nauseous because all the chemo should be gone from my system.  Gave me a once a day antacid pill to take in the morning, said I should get set up for a CT Scan (Wednedsday--that I just had to cancel), and he'd see me Friday and we'd probably start immunotherapy.  I asked for more of the anti-nausea medication I had gotten in the IV.  He also gave me potassium and magnesium.  Leah and I picked up meds at the drive-through pharmacy on the way home.  The pharmacist also suppested a prescription Pepcid I could take in the evenings if I still had trouble.  (His wife just went through chemo.)

Despite the IV medication, I was barfing by evening.  :(  Not even able to drink water like crazy for a couple of days like last week.

Monday Katie came to clean.  All the rest of the time has been spent sleeping and barfing and watching shows, really.  

So, waiting to hear from the GI department about an appointment.  Supposed to ge back to the clinic on Friday.  Can't imagine starting immunotherapy feeling like this.

Oh, and for the heck of it I asked Dr. Kobrossy for the prescription Pepcid, too, and he phoned that in.  What the heck.  I'll try anything.

Meanwhile, I still have some beautiful sunflowers on the table.
It was nice to get out last Friday on a sunny fall day.  Leaves are changing.  Funny how some are changed and some are green.

Not sure why--took some pics at a semaphore while we waited for the light to change.

A little bit of what south Fargo looks like.

Oh, and this is the first year that the trees across the way from me didn't turn from right to left for some reason.
The planter boxes are all trimmed back, thanks to Leah.  The partridges are starting to gather together in small groups.
The sparrows are flocking up.  That time of year.
We have a wind warning today and it is gusting enthusiastically against the building.  Well, I managed to get something down in the blog for this week.  May have jumped around a bit but it's done.  Better late than never.  Thanks for all your kindness and good wishes and cards and letters.  I will write back when I am able.  Means so much to me.  Hopefully I will get back to you on Monday next week so I don't worry anyone.  Sorry.  
With gratitude.  *love and hugs*  Till next week.

Monday, October 18, 2021

October 18, 2021 Monday--8:15am

Good Morning.

Once again, it was a really rough week.  Let's take it day by day,..things will end up okay--just so you know.


I did message my surgeon about the gelly-like issue from my bladder.  She ordered a urine sample.

I messaged Dr. Kobrossy:

I have been totally miserable.  Had diarrhea without any warning at the eye doctor's after my first chemo.  Luckily made it into a single bathroom I could lock.  Was all over the toilet and floor and my worst nightmare.

After the second one last Friday I had terrible stomach cramps and started leaking a burning diarrhea for a few hours.  At least I made it home that time.  Had hardly eaten anything for days so it was just a watery leaking that felt like acid and burned my butt till it bled.

Last Friday I also had a gelly-like discharge from my bladder for a few hours, too.  (I just messaged my surgeon about that.)

I have been constantly nauseous, dizzy, have gut pain, can barely eat or drink, exhausted, falling asleep all the time, ache all over, often feel like I am running a temp but I'm not...generally miserable.  The new anti-nausea medication helps to a degree with the throat and acid reflux, anyways.

Is this normal?  I am at the point where I am afraid to come back Friday.  I'm barely functional.  Please advise.

What I got was that I should come and get the bloodwork on Friday and Dr. Kobrossy would meet with me briefly afterwards.  Then it would be decided about whether I had my chemo treatment that day.


That feeling like I had to throw up all the time--well, after the second chemo session it came to fruition.   I was throwing up regularly.  Or should I say mostly dry-heaving because I couldn't keep anything down--even water.  I was sleeping at night plus taking 2-3 naps a day of 2-4 hours...if you can call them naps.  I just couldn't keep my eyes open and would doze off.

My huge task of the day was to just shower after four days.  Had lost 18 lbs since maybe a month ago.  I don't keep track.

I had a video call with Dagan and Leah.  The very idea of another treatment made me cry.  I needed a break.  They totally agreed and were behind me if I wanted to refuse treatment on Friday.


Leah made a trip down to Minneapolis to pick up things at IKEA!  I was getting a new kitchen table (expandable and only $149.00) and some new towels.  She had a nice long visit with her baby sister and her family, too.  Quite a trip--like four hours each way.  She got home about 1:30am.

Me.  I was home sleeping and dry heaving.


Leah came over that night and helped me with a few things.  I'd been basically pretty non-funtional since chemo started and it was getting worse.  Sometimes could barely keep my eyes open--with company!  That is not me.  I had managed to force myself to eat something...but barfed it all up.  Was getting a bit worried I had been starting to barf up my blood pressure pill...and I was now barfing up the anti-nausea pill.

Decided that I was not having treatment tomorrow.  Dagan and Leah TOTALLY agreed and supported me.  Leah was coming with me and we were kind of prepared for battle.


Woke up from a dead sleep at 1:45am dry-heaving and now I had a rash from midsection to mid thigh.  Was all getting soooo ridiculously awful.  Dry-heaving again at noon--probably lost BP pill again.  Had lost 21 lbs.  Another three pounds in three days.

Leah and I made it to the infusion lab and guess what?  This time they couldn't get my port to work at all.  Tried for 35 minutes.  (Later I thought--was probably too dehydrated!)  I told him that I wasn't planning on having treatment, anyways.  They brought a guy up from the regular lab to take the blood sample out of my arm.  Then we went to wait for Dr. Kobrossy...and were geared up to fight him if he woudn't give me a break from chemo.

But he came in apologizing for how awful I have been feeling and told me no more chemo.  I am so spacy that I thought he meant a break from chemo for a couple of weeks or something--and even that made me cry.  But--NO MORE CHEMO!!  

I had an unusual reaction, he said.  (Looked online later--looks like probably an allergic reaction to chemo--down to the weird rash.)  He did seem genuinely upset that I was in such misery...even had to come in carrying a small container to puke in everywhere I went.  He wants me to heal up and feel better.  Then we will do immunotherapy.  In a weird way this was like a blessing in disguise.  I don't have to go through months of chemo before I qualify for immunotherapy.

Anyways, he wanted me to get a couple of kinds of IV anti-nausea drugs--one faster acting and one longer lasting.  So they needed to open up my port.  Put some expensive stuff in there that had to sit for 30 minutes and that opened it up so I could do the drips.  The rest of the day was the first time I had not been nauseous for two weeks.  Was able to eat a little bit--but mostly DRINK WATER!!!

Dr. Kobrossy even came to check on me a couple of times while I was getting the infusions.  He even gave us his private home number in case I got worse over the weekend.  Told me to go to ER and let him know if I did.  He kept saying how bad he felt I had to go through all of this.  Nice to have a doctor who shows he cares.

By Saturday I got back the stomach ickies--but not enough to throw up, at least.  And I don't tolerate food that well but I can tolerate water and I am drinking water like crazy.  Water is life!  I can almost feel it bringing me back to life.  

I also had more blood drawn that day to see if this was effecting my kidneys or liver or whatever.  I can't remember.  Leah would know.

I noticed at the clinic that I was also short of breath.  I thought it was from wearing a mask and feeling so weak, but I have had that since, too.  It's going to take a while for me to get close to back to my old cruddy normal, I think.  I am so weak I can't stand up for very long.  Still tired and dozing off, light-headed, some nausea...but the rash is getting better.

I go back on Friday for bloodwork and a visit with Dr. Kobrossy--to discuss immunotherapy, I believe.  All that's in my brain is no chemo.  :)

Okay--you didn't think I would have a blog without pictures, did you?  LOL!

When Leah brought me home Friday there was a flower box!!  From Karl!! 

Individually netted sunflowers!
Leah took care of releasing them from their little bags and setting them free for me.
They seemed immediately happy!
Started to unfurl in a few hours!
These cheery beauties seemed very celebratory!  Perfect timing!  Thank you so very much, Karl.  I have the best blogger friends in the world.
I took lots of photos because I would love to try to draw or paint sunflowers one day.  And I have photos of the roses, too, for that reason.  They are fading now...but a few are valiantly still blooming.
They have scented my apartment so sweetly, Janie.  


I hadn't gotten any further in making room to clear out the curio cabinet than what I showed you last week from a couple hours of steroid push.  They were bringing the new table Sunday so I worked as much as I could manage on Saturday and Sunday before they arrived to do a few things.  

All I managed to empty from the curio cabinet were the two little drawers up front.
My bedroom is chaos.
I did manage to clear off the kitchen table.  Time to say goodbye.
I've had this oak pedestal table for 23 years.  The base legs had each gotten huge split cracks in them...
...and Leah strapped them tightly together...must have been like ten years ago or so.
Anyways, that was all I could manage and that took me all day Saturday and Sunday morning.


McFamily arrived.  Leah set the boys up on the studio floor with some educational games they love to play on their phones.
But before they got settled in with that they came out to help move all Gramma's special stuff from the curio cabinet into the livingroom bookcase.  I didn't care where things went--just to get them out.  I'll rearrange later on.
Then Dagan and Leah took the curio cabinet out to the garage.  Goodbye to that, too.  Also had about 23 or 24 years.
They took the table apart and took that out in two trips.  Then carried in the IKEA boxes.  
By this time Liam was more interested in helping Mama and Daddy than playing the games on his phone.  
Ian was the same at his age--but now is more interested in the games--LOL!  You have to appreciate it while they love to help, I guess.  ;)  And Liam was a good helper, indeed.  Loved fetching this and that.
The table took longer than you'd think because of the extension system underneath.
I don't get enough pictures of Dagan.
Wont be long and he has another birthday coming up!
The new kitchen table--TADA!
I love it!  It's a little smaller so gives me more room to move around and get into the frig, etc.  But it extends if I need it--quite easily!  Very happy for the change.

That's been my week.  I am still feeling pretty miserable in general, but I am so happy I am done with chemo!!  And that I will be left alone till I feel better.  Because I googled it and there is a myriad of side effects from immunotherapy one can have, too.  I need a long break.  And I am going to get one.  We'll know more on Friday.

Meanwhile--Annie is glad all the people are gone and it's just us again.  Me, too.
Too tired to find a quote again this week.  Sorry.  Will be taking a nap as soon as I publish this.  But know that I am recovering...and that not everybody goes through this as badly as I did.  My reactions were not the normal.  (How was I to know?)  I should feel quite a bit better by next week, I would think.  Till then...thanks for listening and caring.  You're the best!!  *love and hugs*

Monday, October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021 Monday--8:45 am

Good morning!

Well, it's an okay morning--LOL!

Another hard week...but there were some good things, too.


The transformer came for my chair.  

Leah came over after gaming from 12:30-1:30am to see if this fixed the problem...AND IT DID!!  I got my chair/bed back--ahhhh!!!  Can't even express what a relief that has been to have my chair back this week.  :) :)


Had my appointment with Dr. Levine in the afternoon.  After being told the eye ulcers could sometimes take up to six weeks to heal, mine were so much better that he said take the drops through Friday and then if they don't get worse and stay good I didn't need to come back!!  SOOO nice to get some good news!


Meanwhile, I had been just plain miserable...day after day.  Constantly feeling like you will throw up, acid reflux, dizziness, exhaustion, aching all over...painful guts.  I don't think the fasting empty stomach was working too well.  Not that I have any desire to eat.  

The chicken broth helps, but I can only manage to sip down about a cup or less at a time once or twice a day.  Decided to try some keto mousse to coat my stomach.  Dagan dropped off some chicken broth and mousse for me Leah made.  I was sleeping off and on round the clock.  The mousse would help briefly.


By Thursday I was pretty much almost in tears from gut pain and nausea so I messaged Dr. Kobrossy to see if he could let me try a different anti-nausea medication.  They phoned in a new prescription and Leah and the boys went to pick it up for me.  Fast acting, dissolve under the tongue pill this time.  Did help immediatley with the throat and acid reflux part.

Thursdays are what we figure are my only days I can have a short visit with the boys and that Leah and I can have our evening together--if I am up to either of them, of course.  With delta being so rapid we've read that if you are going to get sick it is usually in under five days.  Thursday makes it six days after I have been possibly exposed at the clinic.  So, I did get a short visit with the boys again that afternoon.  But I was so tired that I told Leah I'd pass on our visit that evening.  I was barey functional all week.


Okay--Friday.  Truth.  I hadn't even pooped since the diarrhea incident the week before.  I have read chemo is constipating...and that morning I finally had like little bunny poops--LOL!  Good, I thought.  Less chance of diarrhea, right?

Leah dropped me off for my chemo about 1:30pm.  This time the guy nurse I had really had issues with my port.  Took like 15 minutes for him to get a blood sample.  It hurt when he stabbed in there for several minutes afterwards, too.  I was praying it was ineptitude and not that I am already having trouble with a brand new port!

Once he got the port ready we went to my cubicle.  I asked to be close to the bathroom since he did say I was getting steroids again.  Took less time (2 1/2 hours).  Leah came inside to pick me up and got to sit with me for a while.  :)

Right before I left the clinic I ran to the bathroom and the weirdest thing--had like a gelly-like discharge when I peed.  Got out of there and went home.  I crashed and slept for about two hours...only to be woken up with doubling-over cramps!  Terrible, painful cramps.  And then I had diarrhea!  A watery, burning, painful kind I've never experienced before.  We're talking like acid!  Made you cry to wipe yourself and even bleed a little from the rawness.  This went on for hours.  I had hardly eaten anything so it was like a slow dribbly leaking you had no control over.  Horrible.  Had a bit more of the gelly-like discharge from my poor bladder, too.  

And that was the "mild" dose??!!

Before you ask--yes, I do plan to message Dr. Kobrossy and my lady bladder surgeon today to ask them about this craziness on Friday.  What the heck IS normal with chemo?  I am at the point I am getting afraid to go back.  

I do realize other people probably have it much worse than I do...and most chemo patients do not also have all these pre-existing conditions that I have...but this has worn me out and been generally horrible--already!  I've slept 18 of the last 24 hours.  I feel like shit.  

Anyways, I will be curious to see what my doctors say.

Meanwhile--some bright spots this week!!

Right before I left for chemo a box of flowers was delivered from Janie Junebug!  I had no time to open them and collapsed when I got home...and then spent hours in and out of the bathroom...till I remembered and rescued them from their dark box.  Gorgeous!!
That night due to steroids I was thristy, peeing like crazy, and couldn't sleep--again.  So I started reorganizing in my desk and the livingroom bookcases.  Forgot a before pic--but moved a lot into this bookcase on the right.
Made room in the left bookcase...and lots more to shift around.
Annie was helping with my desk--LOL!
Yes, I have this many hole punches--LOL!
These are the bins from inside the desk.


Leah came by to drop off some roasted chicken to add to my chicken broth and some more mousse.  There was techie-type stuff I haven't laid eyes on since I moved in here six years ago in a couple of those desk bins.  I had Leah go through them.  She took one bin home to sort through and will bring it back empty.  :)

And--yes--I was doing this little by little at like 3am.  Figured I should take advantage of what little bit of steroid energy I had, right?

Leah also took out trash for me and checked my mail.  :):)


The roses were on the limp side at first but they have revived and look totally gorgeous!
Thanks, Janie!  
Exactly what I needed to cheer me up!!  
And they smell wonderful, too!!

Sunday morning very early I actually did finally throw up...water and my anti-nausea pill, ironically.  Been sleeping and sleeping.  Will probably nap again before I message doctors, honestly.  Just writing the blog takes a lot of effort and concentration.  So I am glad it is appreciated.  It's my biggest project every week these days.  I want to tell my story and have a record of all of this, you know--besides just letting you all know how I am doing.  I am determined to tell my truths every Monday...so you are forewarned--LOL!

Too tired to find a quote.
Till next week.
*love and hugs*

Monday, October 04, 2021

October 4, 2021 Monday--6:15am

Good early morning!

I've been up since 4:30am.  Not feeling great, shall we say.  Thought I should start the blog since I have no idea how long it will take me with breaks and possible dozing sessions--LOL!  But you can bet this will be the shortened version...and yet it will be quite long to cover everything!  ROFL! 

Warning--you know I will honestly tell you what has been going on and it certainly ain't pretty this week.  (Don't worry--no pictures of the gross stuff.)

I wish I could get the picture out of my mind, to be honest. 

Well, the week started out okay. 


Katie came to clean.  We had a nice visit, too.  Puttery R&R rest of the day. 


Had a quiet day.  Dead-headed the planters and watered them.  In pajamas by early afternoon--LOL!  Watching Goliath on Prime with Billy Bob Thorton.


Got the trash to the dunpster, checked the mail, and back in pajamas.  Eye bothering me again!  By evening it was just as bad as the first time.  Obviously not just pinkeye.  Never was totally better.  Getting streaks of light off the side of that eye once in a while.


When I had been in for pinkeye that doctor had told me if it got worse I should see an eyedoctor because it could be something else.  So I called my eyedoctor's office first thing in the morning...waited for him to call me back because he was booked up.

He told me to go to the Walk-In Clinic again because it sounded like I might need to see a specialist and they could refer me...and he would refer me if they called him, if needed, but I should be seen right away.

So Leah and the boys dropped me off at the Walk-In Clinic in the morning.  This younger doctor said he could see a blood vessel in my iris--which he'd never seen before.  They set me up with an appointment with an eye specialist for 2pm.

We went back to my place because the controller for my chair had arrived and Leah was going to see if that would fix the chair.  She needed to run home for her socket wrench set.  The boys were playing and fine with me.  It is so nice that they are of an age now that they can play well together.

Nope--didn't fix the chair.  Had to call them back and order a new "tranformer", too.  (Which confused the boys--LOL!)  Hasn't come yet.  Fingers crossed.  I would hate to need a new chair--awk!

Anyways, they dropped me off at the eyedoctor specialist and I have eye ulcers!  I have never even heard of them.  Apparently common, but can do a lot of damage (I googled them).  He gave me a prescription for special eye drops 4X a day and said I had to come back the next day.  I said I was starting chemo--but he said he did not want it to wait until Monday.  So we made his latest appointment he had open for 3pm--after chemo.

They dropped me off at home.  Was actually raining.

I was so exhausted I slept for a while before Leah came back that night (our used-to-be normal craft night).  I wanted her to cut my hair before I started this weekly chemo thing.  She helped me pack my chemo bag.  We made a list of everything for me to remember in the morning, too, since I am really spacy.


We were there from 7:45am till about 2:15 pm.  
First waiting room. 
This is where we waited before the port flush, blood draw, and set up for chemo...and then later for the appointment with Dr. Kobrossy.  
Had way too much in my chemo bag and poor Leah hauled it around for me all day..plus her own smaller bag with water bottles.
We had a brief appointment with Dr. Kobrossy in his office after the blood results came back.  He wanted me to have the flu shot and I asked about the shingles shot because I had chicken pox and my mom and others I have known have gotten shingles and it sounds horrible...as long as I was getting a shot, right?  Yes, they could do that.  He sounded like I would sail through the day, really.  Then we were sent to the infusion area.

This was my cubicle for the day.
As you can see there are two small tables on either side of the chair and they are attached.  The chair was more comfortable than I first thought it was going to be...but any plans I had to do card front coloring were out the window.  I did ask for a pillow so I could use my laptop, though, and that worked fairly well.
Leah took pics of the hallways outside our cubicle.
There was a bathroom at the end of each hallway.  This one down on this side (right door) was the closest one--I used frequently, I might add.
I had to be right in front of the nurse's station where they could keep an eye on me (new)...and there are never any curtains you can draw on any of them, I don't think.  There seemed to be a couple of rooms with doors like the one next to the bathroom I used--but they were always open, too.  So not much privacy, I guess.

Leah set up my phone, tablet, and laptop with the hospital wifi.  I have to sign in again every time I return, but I will hopefully be able to figure it out.  I used my ear buds and caught up on youtube videos...and with all the interruptions, trips to the bathroom, and conversation that took me the whole time we were there...so we figured I probably wouldn't need my tablet for reading at all because I can listen to audio books on my phone. (My eyes are pretty shot anyways, really.)  And let's hope I can figure out my earbuds--LOL!  If I have technical issues I think a nurse would help me.  They seem really nice.

I had several bags of fluids drained into me.  Stuff for nausea, fluids to protect my kidneys, steroids.  I had the mild chemo first and then had the stronger chemo after a huge bag of saline...which started me peeing a lot (steriods make me thirsty and pee constantly we remembered from when my leg swelled up).  Every time you have to push the nurse button, wait for them to unplug you, and wheel the IV stand down the hallway to the bathroom.  Let's just say with the bladder surgery I am not up to capacity yet in the first place and didn't make it sometimes.  Luckily I planned ahead with extra Poise pads in my pockets--so disasters averted--LOL!  But I was full-on peeing like every 20 minutes!

A nurse gave me the flu shot right in my cubicle but they said I had to go down to the pharmacy to get the shingles shot and they had it all ready to go.  The stronger chemo solution was starting to effect me by the last half an hour (2 hours of that one).  I was feeling a bit dizzy--lightheaded--when I got up to walk my IV stand around.

Around 2ish they released me and we went to the pharmacy in the building so I could get my shingles shot.  (Need another one in December, I guess--didn't realize you needed two of those, too.)  We headed over to the eyedoctor's for the 3pm appontment and had about ten minutes to spare.

I had some noticeable improvement so he said he'd see me again on Tuesday.  While I was in his office my ankles felt really strange--like there was this band of buzzy pressure around them a good 3 inches wide.  Really odd, I thought.  I had this queasiness in the center of my being for the last hour or so.  Felt like I could throw up or have acid refux.

Was I ever wrong.

As we ended the appointment and I was walking out to make the Tuesday appointment--I literally--no warning--could feel myself losing my bowels!  I asked where the bathroom was--luckily it was close and one of the single ones with a door you could lock--because OMG!  Having IBS for 20 years this was my nightmare come true!!  Pooping your pants in a public place (luckily I whipped them down so fast it was not as bad as it could have been on my clothing--but I hit the toilet seat and down the side onto the floor and even somehow my one (white) shoe (which I didn't notice till I got home).  

I don't know how long I was in there cleaning up the mess-of-a-toilet with that one-ply toilet paper.  Had to flush three times!  Then poop again and flush again.  When I thought I could last long enough to go to the desk to make the appointment I managed to get out and weave my dizzy way over there.  They knew I had just come from my first chemo appointment from the day before so it didn't surprise them I looked like death warmed over, I guess--LOL!  Since the office is divided into two sides, really--desk and glasses sales--and the bathroom is kind of by itself in the middle--no one seemed to have noticed at all how long I was in there.  Oblivious-chatting away.  That was a plus.

I was mighty miserable by this time.  Felt like I was running a temp, hot, sweating...my hand left a moist print on the glass countertop anywhere I touched it.  Got my 2pm appointment and went out to the car--glad I had brought my sweater to chemo so I could wrap it around my waist.

Still needed to pick up chemo medications from the pharmacy--so Leah dropped me off at home and headed to pick those up.  I rushed in the building, made it down to my door, barely get into the apartment and step in Annie poop!  Leave my shoes to mark and warn Leah...am stripping down the hallway to get to the toilet again...and then jump in the shower.

Since I had been fasting since Tuesday night that pretty much emptied me out so I could have had a colonoscopy--LOL!  

After I showered and got into a nice clean lounger/pjs I collapsed into my broken chair and took my temperature--no fever.  And yet I was sweaty and felt terrible.  That weird, buzzy, pressure band feeling was around my ankles and wrists--so very icky feeling.  And my nose was doing it--and my whole face and head felt all funny and dizzy.  (Still do.)

By that time Leah arrived and I warned her about the Annie poop (guess who else had diarrhea!).  AND that I found Annie barf in a couple places on the livingroom rug, too. But I could hardly move.  Told Leah to leave my shoe with the Annie poop and I would scrub it later on.  That way she could just use that spot cleaner machine and not have to touch anything.  Poor Leah!  Talk about seeing a person at their worst and most vulnerable and then also dealing with cat poop and barf, to boot.

Leah hung around to make sure I was okay, made ice cubes for me, and emptied out all the things we figured I didn't need in the chemo bag.  Had to lighten that bag up.  She was hurting from carrying it around and I never would have managed, she said. She set up alarms on my phone and labeled them for me.  Between 4X a day for eye drops, 3X a day for nausea pills, 1X a day for two other pills...I have alarms going all day. 

[Turns out everything tastes really off and I am always queasy so I don't need to bring my own coffee or a full water bottle.  I can hardly drink my favorite Sumatra coffee anymore!!  In fact, I am down to plain water and Leah's homemade chicken broth.]

Spent a miserable evening and trouble sleeping at night...but will doze off at any time during the day for a short time.  I know the next alarm will wake me up if nothing else--LOL!

 Having that little push from the steroids--I figured I had best take advantage of it since I was behind on everything.  I did a couple loads of laundry.  But of course, forgot I had a wad of kleenex in my sweater pocket and had to spend a lot of time leaning into the washer to clean out the litte pieces.  (Thought that was going to make me barf for sure, but I didn't--feel like that all the time, really.  How would I be without the anti-nausea pills?)  

I kept going for half the day--push and rest--push and rest...but then it became rest and sleep--LOL!

I hadn't set up my bullet journal for October yet, even.  I had to do my banking and walk my check down to the rent box by the office.  Well, I discovered how terrible my brain fog really is when I balanced the checkbook statement!  I just have my SS check once a month on the 3rd so I deduct all my automatic payments and rent for the whole month at that time so I know what I have left, right?  I totally forgot to deduct Netflix!!  I have a list written out!  I have never ever done that before.  I live close to zero every month so I have to keep track carefully.  It cost me $96 in overdrafts...so I started out really backwards this month.  I'm okay.  All my bills will be paid..but really proof again of how brain fog has overtaken me as badly as it did when I was trying to finish college back in 2004.  Hopefully I will not do that again.  But I will make sure I leave money in there every month just in case.  Can't be down to $2.00 in the future.  ;)

 Leah came over to drop off some ice cubes, cheese, and some of her homemade chicken broth for me.  They have an automatic icemaker!  Nice.  We both kept our masks on the whole time.  They have sore throats and colds going around recently.  First Ian, then Dagan, and now Leah was just starting to wonder about her throat.  We made a trip to the dumpster and we hauled the bins of winter clothes in from the garage.

Leah went home and I have been just enduring ever since.  I'm not fasting since last night but nothing tastes good so I am barely eating, but that won't hurt me.  I'll try to eat something from Sunday nights till Tuesday nights--but I plan to fast two days before, during, and two days after.  And after the horrible bathroom incident--sure doesn't bother me that I am not hungry--LOL!  

Hopefully things should go easier now for the rest of the month, anyways.  I didn't realize I have the double whammy one week and then the milder one by itself for the next two weeks and then one week off.  Could have been the combination of getting chemos and shots, too.  I've not have a bad reaction to flu shots, but I have never had a shingles shot.  I don't even have a sore arm.  ??  Anyways, that was a nightmare for me at the eye doctor's Friday, I can assure you.

So, the next two weeks I can go in later in the morning for chemo and not be there for 6 1/2 hours.  More like 4 maybe.  And then a precious week off!!!

I just want to curl up with Annie and rest all week and get through the ickiness, discomfort, and nausea--but I have to go back to the eyedoctor tomorrow.  Can't remember this new guy's name--something with an "L".

Thank goodness for Leah's homemade chicken broth!  That's been the only thing that tastes okay to me--actually good sometimes.  Might end up being my staple food at this rate.

Most disappointing that I am so lightheaded and on the dizzy side because I don't dare use the sauna.  Even my face, mouth, and teeth feel weird still.  That's the last thing I need is to fall or pass out--no can do.  So I have to wait until my head feels right again...and who knows when that will be--LOL!

I picked out a pretty journal to keep my Chemo Diary for Dr. Kobrossy.
No, he didn't ask me to but he said he wanted to know about my symptoms.  Well, if I don't write them down I won't remember with the brain fog.  So even if they don't make sense or I repeat myself--I will jot down notes for when he asks end of the month.
I could have scrawled across the page with a big red marker--"One of the worst, most embarrasing, and physically miserable afternoons of my life".

Well, I still have space at the bottom.  ;)

Who knew I'd be bringing you on this particular adventure with me?!  You never know what life will hand you, that's for sure. We truly don't.  I'm so lucky I am not having to take care of kids or try to go to a job...no responsibility but Annie.  And, sadly, been sharing some of her delightful issues with Leah lately.  Oh, and Leah's had the occasional plant and bird duties, can't forget. Plus she cooks things to bring over--like her precious broth!  Goodness! 

I guess if I had to have my very worst nightmare happen at least I made it INTO a locked bathroom and maybe even out before anyone knew what happened.  That was a blessing.  And I made it into my apartment and bathroom okay, too.  Thank goodness I was fasting--LOL! 

I think the eye ulcers are better.  Will know for sure tomorrow, but my eye feels a whole lot better.  That's a plus.

Milder and shorter day of chemo on Friday...a much lighter chemo bag...and I pretty much know the routine now.

And I think Leah and I are better than ever!!

Oh, and I had deliveries from Amazon yesterday they told me something was delivered that wasn't...but it came today.  The guy across the hall brought it to my door for me because he saw it in the entryway.

There are always bright spots in any day.  Something to be grateful for.  I'm feeling beaten down, but don't ever count me out.  ;)

Have a really nice week.

I truly welcome your comments, emails. and letters.  Especially now, my friends.  You are my treasures.  :)


"Make the most of the best and the least of the worst."

Robert Louis Stevenson