Good morning!
Well, that was a rollercoaster of a week. I am going to settle in with my coffee and tell you all about it. Might as well grab a little sustenance yourself as I think this is going to take me all day to write this--LOL! But first--I have to show you what some good, soaking rain can do! All the golden brown dead grass has been replaced by GREEN! Ahhhh!
And I will show you what the planters look like after the week with some more gentler rain. The one doesn't look too bad from outside looking into the patio now.
You can see the huge gap much better from my view inside.
The front one's gap shows well from both sides.
I think the new chair may have protected the planter behind it. The one you see in the front there--well, that particular vulnerable-to-snapping-off-at-the-base-coleus hadn't dominated that planter box for some reason. I think the purple coleus protected it from the wind--lol!
They are still looking pretty darn good to me. I've been out tending to them and getting a bit of sunshine, too, now that the weather has cooled off since the rainstorm.
Anyways, here we go, folks:
Monday
Rained most of the day. Leah and I went to meet with Dr. Kobrossy, my new oncologist. He's middle-aged, not young--just new to the area. Pros and cons. First was a con. He wanted to know if we were vaccinated and as soon as we said yes he ripped off his mask saying how "we all know cloth masks don't work anyway"...with a sign over his shoulder that said to keep your mask on at all times even if you were alone in the room. I told him we were concerned about bringing delta home to my grandsons--but he never put his mask back on--for an hour. Leah and I wore our masks.
Bad news.
My case was discussed by the tumor/cancer team and the cancers ARE the same. The liver cancer has come from my bladder cancer. I have stage four bladder cancer.
Good news.
I get to keep my bladder!! No point in taking it out if the cancer has already spread else where. Hurray!
Big pro for this new doctor...he was very optimistic that I could go on a milder (not lose the hair type) chemo that could shrink the liver tumors and then they would go in and zap them (or where they were) to be sure and kill them off--either freeze or burn them. He thought it was likely I'd be on a once a week chemo for two weeks and then two weeks off--for months, I believe--and then get scanned again. I would have to be monitored the rest of my life, of course, because stage four is very likely to show up again. Ongoing battle.
But, we still needed to know if I already have cancer anywhere else. So he wanted to schedule a PET scan soon...and I had to make a trip to the lab for bloodwork before we left.
Another con: he was going to print me off paperwork to send home with me, but never brought it. I even called to have them mail whatever it was he was going to print off...and they just mailed me a little booklet.
After Kobrossy left my new dietician briefly stopped by. She also gave me the card of my new social worker since he wasn't there right at the time. The dietician seems to be more to help you when you start chemo because people lose their appetite. The social worker is there to help with things like financial problems (if they can), transportation, etc. There's a whole network of people assigned to you when you get cancer, apparently. We went to the lab and then finally got to go home.
Tuesday
Leah came over early to put together the can holders. Now I have all my favorite Zevia cans taking up less space--well, or easier for me to get to...with some tuna cans on the end even. Nice!
Leah got the canned cat food cans in another section of holder on the other side of the pantry. (But they aren't working at all in there--won't roll down--ordered a different solution arriving today, I think.) Hey--had to try, right?
Anyways, Leah and I went to see Dr. Regender, who did my bladder cancer surgery. She had been the one who told me they were different cancers and I know she felt really bad about that. She's a sweetheart. But I was very happy because I get to keep my bladder. I can contact her any time I want to, but now she won't be someone I need to meet with anymore.
[Funny--I can read their appointment notes online after my visits. Let's just say her impression of me is very different than Kobrossy's--lol! I will probably get into that in a future blog, but this one is going to be long enough.]
Was a gorgeous view from up on fifth floor after all the rain the day before. I wanted pictures. Leah took this panoramic shot. I have no clue how to do those.
Here are regular pics from left to right.
A lot of North Dakota is quite flat--lol!
I do love the white clouds against the blue sky.
BTW--I did ask Dr. Regender if it was okay to drink the carbonated flavored water with no sugar and she said carbonated was fine.
And my labwork was normal.
Leah and I sat in my parking lot and discussed the past two days for quite while. Dagan and Leah had talked about it and they offered to do Healing Touch on me, she said! I had taught them both years ago how to do quite a bit of what I'd learned in the classes. Leah and I had done energy work on Dagan several times.
I'd have trouble lying on any flat table these days (I do still have my massage table in the garage), but they thought if I came over to their place they'd have me lie back in their lounger chair--awesome! We could do that after the boys went to bed. But we could show them a little bit of how it works at some point, for sure. Good for them to know. :)
I got the call to schedule my PET scan.
Thursday morning.
Wednesday
I had an apartment inspection at 9am. Only one of the three people who showed up even had a mask with them--so only the one lady came in. People up here really don't seem concerned anymore about covid. But are hospitals here in Fargo are maxed out Dagan told me.
Well, I spent the afternoon on a zoom mixed media workshop (just a lurker). There was a lot of hand sewing and machine sewing on paper. Quite interesting. Then I made a trash trip to the dumpster and also a trip to bring the metal catbox, etc, to the garage. Such a nice day!
Once in a while I see an entire partridge.
Bt since I'm trying not to toss the seed in the same place out there between the planters...I usually see butts--LOL!
We have actually had rain off and on...showed you the grass!
That has kept the temps down and we have had some glorious fall days. A bit early, but welcome! Has been an unusally hot summer.
Annie keeps her eyes on her CatTV.
Bunny and ground squirrel.
Two baby bunnies--larger one from a different litter?
The last grey storage basket finally arrived. And Annie's two new rugs. Well, they are actually doormats--LOL! She got a new one with colorful fish on it for outside the giant litter box she so loves. (Burying her poops again--so I do think the feel of the metal bothered her--lol!) And a colorful striped one for her food dishes.
I was going to have them the other way around but the bigger fish mat fit better by her litter box. Regardless, our autistic Annie has been happy with no pooping outside the box (or even barfing?)--knock on wood!!
Thursday
PET scan.
I was told I had to get the radiation/dye infusion and then be in a "quiet room" for 45 minutes--no company, no TV, no cell phone--try to sleep. Apparently all the fast growing cells light up in the PET scan and brain cells are fast growing so they want you as unstimulated as possible--especially if they want to light up areas in the rest of your body. So Leah couldn't come with that time. She and the boys went to visit her grandparents while I was in the hospital. Perfect! :)
I was dressed appropriately with absoluterly no metal anywhere so I didn't even have to get undressed--cool! Just like the CTscan. But they stuck me in a small room with an uncomfortable lounger chair, told me it would be an hour and 15 minutes, and drew the curtain around me. My feet hung over the edge (that sets off my plantar fasciitis)--hard skinny chair arms--crinkly pillow that tipped your neck forward no matter how you tried to adjust it--and my back (already pissed off from all the surgeries and tests) was not a happy camper. So I tried to settle into the pain and rest, at least.
If you have ever tried to sleep in a busy hospital during the day you would know how difficult that is--LOL! Noises, people talking loudly, people coming in and out of the room to put down or take up things on the table by the door (?), another patient brought in to lie on the other lounger a couple feet away from me divided by curtains. That person also wanted to go to the bathroom first--in and out--and then they needed all the instructions by the nurse as to how to move the bed up and down, etc, and he was coughing. All kind of funny in a sick way. Another form of hurry up and wait...and cross your fingers you don't catch anything. I couldn't feel any sensations as far as the radiation traveling through my body. Never slept a wink, though.
Finally they came to get me. I hobbled to the bathroom--as this time they wanted your bladder empty, thank goodness. The PET scan itself was easy--in that you didn't have to pee like crazy or hold your breath over and over again--it was just lying on one of those hard scanner tables with a bad back, really. About 25 minutes, I think, and I was done. Was a bit disorienting leaving because of the quiet room and the eyes closed in the tube--I felt like I had been trying for so long to kind of space out to endure the cranky back that I was kind of half with it--LOL!
All the scans are different but none of them are painful--if you don't have a bad back, that is. Off I went home again.
Amazingly, my results were posted on the Essentia website later that afternoon.
Bad news.
You may remember they said I had two tumors that looked like cancer and one that looked benign--long ago after the CTscan? Well, now I have four cancerous tumors. One may be the one they thought was benign because there was no mention of a benign tumor. I am reading the medical jargon myself, of course, and I haven't talked to Dr. Kobrossy yet--but it is pretty obvious that they have grown in size just since the CTscan June 23rd...and I have an extra one for sure now.
So even if the bladder cancer wasn't acting normally and was being fairly contained all that time size-wise--this cancer LOVES my liver! Growing like a weed. Living up to its aggressive reputation.
Good news.
The liver cancer has been caught early--IMO, anyways. Thank God for Dr. Kessler who asked for a cancer test just to be on the safe side when we thought it was stones. I have no stones in my bladder or kidneys that anyone has mentioned--just gallstones, which no one mentions--LOL! Couldn't find anywhere in the results online that cancer showed up in my bladder--so that's good.
OR ANYWHERE ELSE--tada!
So, I can only assume that it is still the same game plan. Chemo--and then zapping the liver tumors. I wondered if Dr. Kobrossy would want to see me earlier once he got these results.
And sweet Dr. Regender wasn't that far off. They are "different". Just different in the way it's acting and growing in my liver vs. my bladder. Stranger things have happened.
It was a jolt, though. Took me a couple of hours to sift through the information and locate the positives. But this convinced me that chemo is definitely the route to go. Will likely start end of the month, I would imagine.
Leah and I did a video call Thursday night--went through the next Costco and Cashwise grocery orders---and discussed all of this going on.
Friday
Got a call from Kobrassy's nurse and he wanted me to have labwork before our appointment. Got set up for this coming Friday afternoon for the labwork. Asked it be at the West Fargo Clinic instead of at the hospital. Hopefully be less busy over there. (Hospital and hospital clinic have been packed.) We're taking it as good news that he didn't move my appointment up sooner (but he could be just swamped busy, of course).
I did laundry, my banking, and made Amazon orders. This month was a lot for Miss Annie girl. Kitty litter 40# bags, canned food, her doormats, and one new toy I can refill with catnip.
I got a couple of things but I'll show them next time when they are filled and in place. ;)
Saturday
Packages arriving already! I showed you Annie's doormats. Was a day to collapse--absorb--gain my bearings--get grounded.....again.
Leah volunteered to come with me for my first chemo session whenever that will be. I had told her they didn't need to be with me for those--just a drop off and pick up. If she is with me, though, we will have a better idea how to plan for chemo days. I have started searching online for a big chemo bag with a shoulder strap I can use to haul everything I need--prayer blanket, neck pillow, laptop, snacks, drinks, writing materials for letters, whatever turns out I need with me. If they don't have WIFI then we will figure out a way I can watch something on the laptop--download or do something else. Dagan and Leah will know the ins and outs of all that techie stuff. I can at least listen to audio books on my cell phone with my new earbuds--even if I have to pay roaming costs it would be worth it.
Can you tell where my mind has gone as of this weekend? LOL! I have totally accepted that chemo is my future--and I pray that Kobrossy is still in favor of the milder kind. I have a million questions that won't be answered until I am in there. Besides WIFI--what kind of chairs do they have, how easy is it to go to the bathroom on your own when you are strung up to an IV, do I get one of those hospital tables to set things on, is it chilly in there, how will we be spaced out or is it private these days, do they have a TV, how does the procedure go and how long will it last? I guess Leah and I will find out together.
Then--I will have to decide eventually if I want a port or not. That's another surgery, though. I haven't asked about that yet. I have good veins to start with so not a rush.
I already have fibro fog. Now chemo fog will be added to that because it kills some of those fast growing brain cells. I am already easily exhausted--so I will probably be falling asleep off and on like I did reacting to the vaccinations--could be nauseous/throwing up and/or aching all over. I'm used to the aching all over...that was amped up after the vaccines, too. Leah will make me up foods again that I can nuke. We've kind of been here before in a lot of ways. Just not sure how bad I am going to feel. Will know when I get there. You know how I go through worst case scenario first...and it might be easier than expected, who knows?
Sunday
The two 40# bags of kitty litter arrived. Dagan was driving Aaron home after Liam's birthday party so he stopped by and got them in from the entryway for me and dumped them in the big litter bin in the pantry. Took out trash, too. He stayed for three hours! We gabbed about everything going on. Was SOO nice to have some one-on-one time with him!
He's back to working from home like he did before. If there's something needing immediate attention he would go in during the day briefly (everyone has to wear masks again at work, at least) but mostly he'd go in after hours when they've all gone home. So very glad he's working from home again.
Leah is doing home schooling. The boys got their front step pics for the start of school.
Ian is in first grade.
This year Liam starts pre-school.
They set up their gaming room upstairs to be a schoolroom, too. Maybe I'll get to see it this next weekend. (I hope to make it over to bring Liam's presents from me.)
Sunday was Liam's birthday party.
I passed because I had exposure four days in a row this last week so didn't want to be hugging those boys. The big family bubble that had formed after all the adults were vaccinated (there were more people in the kitchen and dining room)...
...will be coming to an end again soon. One more birthday for the boys' cousin soon and then we will be kind of in lockdown mode again. Mostly because of me and the boys not being vaccinated. Chemo destroys your immune system, from everything I've ever heard, and mine isn't good to begin with. I've kind of been isolating more for a while, anyways.
So--a rollercoaster of a week...but ended up on a positive, we think. The treatment plan is the same on my end and hopefully will be on Dr. Kobrossy's end, too. Likely chemo once a week for two weeks and then two weeks off...till we shrink those puppies. Send healing shrinking energy--LOL!
Less happening this week. Just the labwork on Friday and then hopefully a nice long visit with McFamily on the weekend. No idea about when they'll bring over the sauna. Depending on when they can borrow a vehicle that could happen any time. Sauna time should help with chemo, too. Draw out the toxins! So, hopefully I'll get it before I start chemo. :)
Well, that's it for this week...and this was a shortened version--ROFL! But I am over five hours in so far and all tuckered out for any more chatting at the moment. Another gorgeous day. I am glad to have a couple weeks off (just labwork) to let all of this settle in...and to get a chemo bag and start stocking it. ;) At least for two weeks I think I will be feeling halfways decent. That's a plus. Healing well so far. Almost caught up on letters...so anyone who wants to drop a line or a nice long email...maybe let's chat while I only have fibro fog--LOL!
Thank you all you wonderful humans!!
Till next week...
****
"We don;t know what life will bring, so it is what we bring to life that matters."
Patricia Campbell Carlson
