Monday, September 27, 2021

September 26, 2021 Monday--11:45am

Good Morning!

Was another exhausting week...but Annie and I enjoy the Critter Cafe.
...and ground squirrels, included.


My eye was bad, but I set up 9 letters I had piled on my desk. (Letters and nice long emails are the highlights of my days-thank you!)  I've been slowly responding all week.  

Leah and I had a communication breakdown. :(
My fault was--am so drained, in more pain, and have worse fibro fog than I have had in many years...which means I can't focus on or retain things well at all.  I wouldn't remember things she told me or we talked about--pretty big stuff.  I always do honestly think I am doing better than I am, try not to let on because I don't want to worry her/them, and will carry on (at the British say) to the point of collapse.  I'd say one thing one day and then sound like I decided on something else the next because I had to be reminded--spacy.  I'd think I explained something to her or told her something and I hadn't.  All of which exasperated her to the point she finally had had it.  (Has been gradually getting worse the past few months--building up from all this going on--physically and emotionally.)

I was devastated that I had upset her in any way.  Never ever would have done so on purpose.  She found out how truly exhausted and awful I actually feel and then she felt bad for bringing it up.  And she really should have said something to me right off the bat if something I said or did really bothered or frustrated her.  So--we were both at fault and both innocent.  Had it all talked out and hugged out by Wednesday when I went in for the port surgery and we saw each other in person.

Meanwhile I got this delivered to me.
Dr. Kobrossy had not mentioned anything about this company or forms I would be sent.
I googled some on immunotherapy and from what I read there are genetically only 20% of people who this works on well.  It's newer--neither my lab guy, Dr. Kessler nor her nurse were familiar with it.
Basically immunotherapy uncloaks the cancer cells that hide themselves from your natural immune system so your body can see them and attack them.  That's what I understand, anyways. 


Port surgery.

Leah and I had a long time together.  Everything was running late and it was quite busy.  My surgery was delayed an hour and a half.  So glad I had Leah there for company and that we are all good again. :) :) :)

[Note: North Dakota is a republican state.  Proof--FOX News on the waiting room TV.]

The same surgeon did my port as had done my liver biopsy.  Dissolving stitches inside and super glue stuff over thetop of the incisions.
[Note: I can't use the sauna until all the super-glue type stuff falls off naturally.  Looked better after a couple of days (below), but I still have the glue yet--hard to see here because the light didn't hit it.  Didn't hurt a lot after a couple of days.]
Anyways, Leah stayed around until evening after she took me home.  I do love her so much it is hard to put into words.  So sorry I stressed her out.  We are both/all under a lot of stress these days.


Total pajama day.


Early--3:30am--woke up (sore chest and dry throat)--used throat spray, blew nose, and decided I may as well make a trip to the bathroom.  My big brown chair is a lift chair...and I proceeded to put the footrest down.  I heard a little meow.  Annie always immediately starts begging for her canned food when I get up in the morning and I had no idea what time it was but it was still black outside--I thought--silly cat--it's too early for your food.  The footrest is going down and then--cat scream!!  OMG!  She was under the chair!!  She howled and thrashed around so that she even shook the chair!  Then silence!

OMG!!!  I thought I had killed her!  I'm frantically pressing the button to raise the footrest and it wouldn't work!  The lights had even gone out on the controller.  I scramble off the chair and lift the entire chair up...and in the dark I see her bolt down the hallway.  It's dark, she's black--I don't know if she was limping or not.  She was alive, thank goodness!  But had I broken a leg, caused internal injuries...???  There's not much room under there!   It was awful!

I found her in the corner of the bedroom closet in her cat bed.  I didn't see any blood.  She was totally freaked out, but she let me pet her briefly and profusely apologize.  I left her alone.  Annie can't handle much and I didn't want to chase her from her safe place...and she was thinking about it.

Needless to say--I didn't sleep anymore that night.  And my "bed" was broken, anyways.  I looked up and down the hallway for blood and didn't find any.  She finally came out in the morning.  Seemed okay, but was avoiding me--wouldn't let me near her.  I wondered about internal injuries.  Did fall asleep mid-morning for an hour.

Friday was my appointment with Dr. Kessler in the afternoon.  (Needless to say my blood pressure was high.)  Had a Medicare annual checkup.  I thanked her for requesting a cancer screening to be on the safe side when we really thought it was stones.  Told her she probably saved my life.  Sweet lady!

Afterwards Leah and Liam came in so Leah could see if she could fix my chair/bed.  (Ian went golfing with Daddy again on Dagan's half day of work.)  She couldn't fix it.  Took some detective work.  No place in town fixes lift chairs (unless you bought it there from the medical supply place)--including where I bought it (Slumberland).  Finally found website address on the controller and there was a number on the website.  Leah called and they had the model number and all that--the box light (transformer?) was on but the controller was dead.  So we ordered a new controller to be sent here. 
Fingers crossed.

The chair is stuck in this position--with the footrest not quite closed and the back is tipped a bit.  
 I put a back pillow there so I can reach the keyboard and made an ottoman with a cardboard box and blankets so that I can sit there during the day.

And I am sleeping in the little tan recliner at night.
If I don't scoot far enough back in it when I push it backwards...well, it flips me to an upright position.  Startling when you are sound asleep--LOL!  But am hoping the new controller will arrive this week and it will fix the chair.  

What next?!  Annie has lived with me for over four years and I have had that very chair and been sleeping in it at night for almost three years and I aways get up at night at least once--and she has never slept underneath it before that I know of--ever.  She heard the motor--but if she had never been under it she didn't know to move?  Maybe she's having troubles with her old brain function, too.


I have been totally wiped out.
I watched the last season of Lucifer and was surprised at how touching it was.  Watched the Bob Ross documentary on Netflix and was glad that when I bought my Bob Ross paint supplies 20 years ago that I didn't know anything about these horrible people who stole his name.  Haven't been up to much, obviously.  Did laundry and it took me 3 (or 4) days to just get everything put away.

But the wounds are healing.  Still have some shiny glue on me so no sauna...but soon, I hope.  I dont think it will show much once it is healed.


Katie is coming to clean in like 15 minutes so I need to try to proof read this fast and post it.  I have no spellcheck and Blogger plays games with me all the time on formating--so what you see is what you get--LOL!

On Thusday night Leah is planning to come over and on Friday I start chemo at 7:45am.  Leah will be with this time.  We'll probably pack my chemo bag Thursday night.  

So, till next week--if you have never heard a cat scream I hope you never do.  I hadn't cried when I found out I got cancer--but I cried over Leah and I--and over thinking I killed or hurt Annie this week.  Hopefully things will go smoother this week...but who knows.  Been the unexpected lately, for sure.  At least the pinkeye seems to be gone...knock on wood.  LOL!  See you in a week.

Too tired for a quote and not much time left.
love and hugs

Monday, September 20, 2021

September 20, 2021 Monday--1pm

Another week with lots going on.

Good afternoon!


We did get some rain and it cooled off--ahhh!  Someone above me is putting out seed for the birds and it ends up all over my patio.  Have to sweep a lot and lay my chair sideways to keep seed off of it.  Free seed?


My right eye had been a bit red for a few days.  Thought I had scratched it or something--but by Tuesday night it was wildly red and I knew I had pinkeye!


Leah took me to the walk-in clinic so I could get eyedrops.  Needed to have taken them for 24 hours in order to see my oncologist, Dr. Kobrossy, on Wednesday.  

Got the replacement for my new laptop that wouldn't keep a charge and this one is working fine so far.


Dr. Kobrossy with Leah.  Well, he was even more positive than he was last time.  The bloodwork he had done was for genetic testing and he said that I am a perfect candidate for immunotherapy.  And he thinks the immunotherapy would work great on me.  I wouldn't even have to do the surgery after the tumors had shrunk to freeze or burn the areas.  

BUT--insurance won't allow it until you have tried chemo.  So, I am starting chemo on October 1st.  Weekly.  Three weeks of the milder stuff and then the fourth week is another cocktail that's stronger.  In two or three months we'll do a scan.  If my platelets drop or if I have a diffiuclt time with side effects he will switch me over to immunotherapy (in a heartbeat, sounded like).  So, I am hoping to get switched over in the next couple months.


Pajama day.


Sauna Day!!

Dagan, Leah, and Leah's brother, Aaron, made trips in a borrowed truck and hauled up huge boxes to my lawn.  They emptied them, collected the styrofoam & cardboard in big bags, hauled them in, and got the parts all put together.  Afterwards they hauled all the trash away and rode off into the sunset.  Not really, but it was after dinnertime.  

I watched the boys.  We played games at the kitchen table and inbetween trips they made we could go in to peek and see how it was coming along.  

It's beautiful!

I didn't last long my first go round but I was definitely sweating!  I will work up on my time.

Annie isn't sure what to think.


Pajama day.

With my chronic fatigue, all these appointments, doctors, procedures, surgeries, and lab work has been exhausting.  And then I got pinkeye on top of the rest--LOL! (It's about gone now.)  I've been sleeping 9-10 hours or more the nights I don't have anything scheduled the next day.   Like Saturday night I slept 10 1/2 hours...last night over 9 hours.  I'm doing okay--just drained.  Glad to have gotten good news and that the oncologist is positive and hopeful I can get rid of the cancer.  Excited to have the new sauna.  It was a good week--exhausting, but good.

This week:
 Wednesday I now have another out-patient surgery to implant the port in my chest.  Will also need it for immunotherapy if I get switched over.  Friday I go see my osteopath again for a yearly visit.  Already filled out three questionnaires for that visit.

Hopefully this week will be the same.  
Exhausting, but good.  :)

Short but sweet this week.  I am just plain beat.  Till next time...bless you all!!  
"Head up.  Heart open.  To better days."
T.F. Hodge

Monday, September 13, 2021

September 13, 2021 Monday--12:30pm

 Good afternoon!

I am not moving quickly today, but it was such a good week.  Glorious fall days--sunny and cooler--ahhh!  Today rain is supposed to be arriving soon and that will also be welcomed.

I researched what people bring in their chemo bags so that I have a checklist now.  Ordered a chemo bag (just a large mesh beach bag) and a laptop sleeve and some zippered bags I can put a variety of supplies inside.  I don't plan to bring my actual purse with me to chemo.

On Wednesday Leah dropped off some Cashwise from a grocery pickup.  I got a little visit from the boys, too.  They also like Zevia.  It comes in smaller cans and I have a small supply of those here, too, in my frig door.

My visit on Sunday was top priority for me so I opted to have the sauna brought over and put together the following weekend.
While the boys were here we went to turn on the old slow-to-start fan and--well--completely refused to start that time.  Seems like that is how my fans always die.  Once they get to taking forever to get moving their days are numbered.
On Thursday I did laundry and Leah came over that night--with a new fan!
I've never had one of these tall skinny fans.  It takes up so much less room, works great, and even has a remote.  Nice!  I love it!  Another little silver lining.  :)

I can't resist tossing seed out in the middle once in a while to I can see the many birds that come to dine just a little better.  
The new planters may make it a little harder to see all the visitors but I wouldn't trade them for anything!  Going to be interesting this winter to see how the drifting is...if we get much snow, that is.  Hasn't always been the case lately.

Anyways, the only extra project I (barely) started this last week was trying to reconstitute the Silks paints.  So dried that I ended up literally pouring hot distilled water into each jar and leaving them to soak.
They're still soaking--LOL! 

This was a special little treat for me this month.  It is actually acrylic drawers made for eyeglasses.  (Who has that many glasses and sunglasses?)
Washi tapes fit perfectly in there!
I have all these washi tapes and I do like to add them on to letter paper...when I would remember and go get some out of the satchels in the hallway bookcase.  I'd often have little piles of washi tapes sitting around on my endtables because then I wouldn't want to put them case I wanted to use them again.  So--now I have a whole bunch by my chair (where I do most of my writing of letters)--at my fingertips!  And I can switch them out for seasons or holidays.  Little things like that make life more fun.  :)

Friday was my labwork day.  So funny--Leah picked me up, I climbed up into the passenger seat, and in a couple of minutes Liam told that Daddy was with!  They wanted to see if I would notice--LOL!  I didn't.  He was way back behind the boys' car seats!  I didn't even know there were more seats back there--LOL!  Leah was dropping Dagan and Ian off to go golfing after they dropped me off at the hospital.

Yes, I ended up having to go to the hospital lab after all.  Got a call on Wednesday that in order to have the courier pick up the kit in time to deliver it to a lab in town I needed to go in earlier and at the hospital lab.  Well, I tried.  Luckily it wasn't as packed in that waiting room as it had been the last two times.

They were waiting for me, the lab guy said.  Called my name early, even.  Some box kit with a lot of paperwork and they had called ahead to make sure they had everything ready.  He had to call someplace to get the proper code number to get into the computer information. 

I asked him if he knew what this test kit was actually for and he really didn't.  Thought it had something to do with DNA. ?  I told him I thought it must be some kind of pre-chemo testing.  Told him about the cancer as he drew two big vials of blood.  He said the nurses there for chemo are super nice.  I told him what kind of gramma I am...showing the two little grandsons how I peed like a boy (emptying the catheter bag)...and left him laughing!  :)

While Liam slept in his carseat, Leah drove me over to the Natural Pet Shop so I could pick out some cans of no-grain cat foods for Annie to try.  Mostly pate--at 15 she's not so much into chewing anymore.  I know how she feels--LOL!  Then I was back home again...and the new larger cans also fit in the new acrylic holders I ordered.
Love these!  They're easy for me to get to and organize.  The pumpkin cans are Annie's, too.

On Saturday morning Annie got her first random new can of food.  She kept coming out to wash up and then changing her mind and going back for a little more--over and over--until she ate the whole can.  [BTW--still no pooping outside the box since she got her big tub back--LOL!  *knock on wood*]

That afternoon I lurked in another Zoom bookbinding workshop that went from 3:30 till 7:15pm!!  They made a french door book.  I really like Kiala Givehand.  I stumbled across her years ago when she did a book a week videos on youtube.  I think they are still up there.  

I finished the newest Handmaid's Tale (Hulu--had to work up to the new season--rather dark, shall we say) and Better Call Saul (Netflix DVD)...and other assorted shows and YT videos.

Then yesterday--Sunday--Annie gobbled down half the can of another brand of new food...and promptly barfed it all back up in three places...on the rug, of course.  Not sure if it didn't agree with her or she ate it too fast.  (Didn't give her a new one today--LOL!)

Anyways, Sunday was my day for a good long visit over at McFamily's!!  Liam opened his presents from Gramma. 
I could not for the life of me figure out anymore how to get an actual video on my blog so this is a link if you want to peek.

Liam's birthday video.

Blink did a kitty photo bomb during Leah's video and Dagan caught it--LOL!
The boys love having bath bombs on bathnights. 
Anyways, after dinner they had cake and frozen blueberries and strawberries.  
I told Ian he has electric hair like Gramma's.  Ian told me--you should see it after I've gone down the slide a few times--ROFL!
We had such a good time playing card games!  It is fun that they are getting old enough so we can all play together.  We played a game with the new polka dot numbers deck Liam got (several games you can play). 
We played a game called Sleeping Queens.  That was fun!
 They did have a bath that night--and brought down a whole collection of the toys from inside the bathbombs to show me afterwards--strange sticky gummy things--LOL!
Took over three years before I got hugs from Liam, but he makes up for them now--lol!
Later, after Laim went to bed we played My First Castle Panic with Ian.  There's also an adult version, Leah said.  Ian was up till 10:00!  I got a great long hug from Ian, too.

Note: Leah said that Ian really wanted to have Liam learn how to play Castle Panic, too--and so they taught him today.  Really good game to teach about teamwork and helping each other because you have to all work together to save the castle from the monsters. 

After both the boys were in bed Dagan pulled out their recliner into the middle of the livingroom, we put on my Music To Disappear In CD, and Dagan and Leah did some Healing Touch on me.  Quite unexpectedly--after they had worked on me for a while--the "soulcomfort" energy just kind of kicked in!  That's the vibrating energy when I am working on other people that comes down into the top of my head and goes down through my body and comes out my hands and feet.  That's only happened to me while someone else was working on me one other time back in the late 90s.  It was absolutely awesome!  Might not happen again but I felt totally blessed.  GA must have thought I needed it--yes!  It is difficult to describe...but I have missed it.  Felt like coming a piece of me clicked into place.  Oh, I cannot begin to describe it...but I feel so connected still today.  Wow!  Never expected that.  A gift!  A gift for my soul.

Anyways, when I got home (still smiling and floating on air) two packages were outside my door.  One was my new chemo bag,  
It also has a shoulder strap to clip on the sides--which I will use.  Big enough my prayer blanket should fit in there.

And the laptop sleeve came, too.  It has three zippered pouches--the big one for the laptop, one for a tablet, and one for a phone.  Pretty cool.
I had already received the set of zippered canvas pouches.  I'm pretty well set to fill my new chemo bag when the time comes.
None of these were fancy, but cheaper and practical.  The kind that are easily replaceable if they wear out or a zipper breaks, you know?
 Let's see...what else?

Oh, Leah hasn't gotten the school area together yet upstairs.  Still needs some items from IKEA.  Yes, she still has a pretty big IKEA trip coming in the future...250+ miles one way to Minneapolis--whew!  Right now they are doing school at the diningroom table.

Well, that's about it from here for this week.  On Thursday I see Dr. Kobrossy and I expect will then find out my chemo schedule--and want to find out if he is still as optimistic.  Should be.  :)  Until then--I have a couple more days off and Leah plans to come over for our Thursday night early--right after "our" appointment with Kobrossy--so she can maybe get home before dark.  :)  We had some sprinkles and the radar shows some actual rain might be headed our way--nice!  

Enjoy your week!!
You're the best!!
Life is not about "or"--it is about "and".  It is magical and messy.  It is heartwarming and heartbreaking.  It is delight and disappointment.  Grace and grief.  Exquisite and excruciating, often at the exact same time.
Kristi Nelson

Monday, September 06, 2021

September 6, 2021 Monday--10:45am

Good morning!
Well, that was a rollercoaster of a week.  I am going to settle in with my coffee and tell you all about it.  Might as well grab a little sustenance yourself as I think this is going to take me all day to write this--LOL!  But first--I have to show you what some good, soaking rain can do!  All the golden brown dead grass has been replaced by GREEN!  Ahhhh!
And I will show you what the planters look like after the week with some more gentler rain.  The one doesn't look too bad from outside looking into the patio now.
You can see the huge gap much better from my view inside.
The front one's gap shows well from both sides.
I think the new chair may have protected the planter behind it.  The one you see in the front there--well, that particular vulnerable-to-snapping-off-at-the-base-coleus hadn't dominated that planter box for some reason.  I think the purple coleus protected it from the wind--lol!
They are still looking pretty darn good to me.  I've been out tending to them and getting a bit of sunshine, too, now that the weather has cooled off since the rainstorm.

Anyways, here we go, folks:

Rained most of the day.  Leah and I went to meet with Dr. Kobrossy, my new oncologist.  He's middle-aged, not young--just new to the area.  Pros and cons.  First was a con.  He wanted to know if we were vaccinated and as soon as we said yes he ripped off his mask saying how "we all know cloth masks don't work anyway"...with a sign over his shoulder that said to keep your mask on at all times even if you were alone in the room.  I told him we were concerned about bringing delta home to my grandsons--but he never put his mask back on--for an hour.  Leah and I wore our masks.

Bad news.
My case was discussed by the tumor/cancer team and the cancers ARE the same.  The liver cancer has come from my bladder cancer.  I have stage four bladder cancer.

Good news.
I get to keep my bladder!!  No point in taking it out if the cancer has already spread else where.  Hurray!

Big pro for this new doctor...he was very optimistic that I could go on a milder (not lose the hair type) chemo that could shrink the liver tumors and then they would go in and zap them (or where they were) to be sure and kill them off--either freeze or burn them.  He thought it was likely I'd be on a once a week chemo for two weeks and then two weeks off--for months, I believe--and then get scanned again.  I would have to be monitored the rest of my life, of course, because stage four is very likely to show up again.  Ongoing battle.  

But, we still needed to know if I already have cancer anywhere else.  So he wanted to schedule a PET scan soon...and I had to make a trip to the lab for bloodwork before we left.

Another con:  he was going to print me off paperwork to send home with me, but never brought it.  I even called to have them mail whatever it was he was going to print off...and they just mailed me a little booklet.

After Kobrossy left my new dietician briefly stopped by.  She also gave me the card of my new social worker since he wasn't there right at the time.  The dietician seems to be more to help you when you start chemo because people lose their appetite.  The social worker is there to help with things like financial problems (if they can), transportation, etc.  There's a whole network of people assigned to you when you get cancer, apparently.  We went to the lab and then finally got to go home.

Leah came over early to put together the can holders.  Now I have all my favorite Zevia cans taking up less space--well, or easier for me to get to...with some tuna cans on the end even.  Nice!

Leah got the canned cat food cans in another section of holder on the other side of the pantry.  (But they aren't working at all in there--won't roll down--ordered a different solution arriving today, I think.)  Hey--had to try, right?
Anyways, Leah and I went to see Dr. Regender, who did my bladder cancer surgery.  She had been the one who told me they were different cancers and I know she felt really bad about that.  She's a sweetheart.  But I was very happy because I get to keep my bladder.  I can contact her any time I want to, but now she won't be someone I need to meet with anymore.

[Funny--I can read their appointment notes online after my visits.  Let's just say her impression of me is very different than Kobrossy's--lol!  I will probably get into that in a future blog, but this one is going to be long enough.]

Was a gorgeous view from up on fifth floor after all the rain the day before.  I wanted pictures.  Leah took this panoramic shot.  I have no clue how to do those.
Here are regular pics from left to right.
A lot of North Dakota is quite flat--lol!
I do love the white clouds against the blue sky.
BTW--I did ask Dr. Regender if it was okay to drink the carbonated flavored water with no sugar and she said carbonated was fine.  

And my labwork was normal.

Leah and I sat in my parking lot and discussed the past two days for quite while.  Dagan and Leah had talked about it and they offered to do Healing Touch on me, she said!  I had taught them both years ago how to do quite a bit of what I'd learned in the classes.  Leah and I had done energy work on Dagan several times.

  I'd have trouble lying on any flat table these days (I do still have my massage table in the garage), but they thought if I came over to their place they'd have me lie back in their lounger chair--awesome!  We could do that after the boys went to bed.  But we could show them a little bit of how it works at some point, for sure.  Good for them to know.  :) 

I got the call to schedule my PET scan.  
Thursday morning.

I had an apartment inspection at 9am.  Only one of the three people who showed up even had a mask with them--so only the one lady came in.  People up here really don't seem concerned anymore about covid.  But are hospitals here in Fargo are maxed out Dagan told me.
Well, I spent the afternoon on a zoom mixed media workshop (just a lurker).  There was a lot of hand sewing and machine sewing on paper.  Quite interesting.  Then I made a trash trip to the dumpster and also a trip to bring the metal catbox, etc, to the garage.  Such a nice day!  

Once in a while I see an entire partridge.
Bt since I'm trying not to toss the seed in the same place out there between the planters...I usually see butts--LOL!
We have actually had rain off and on...showed you the grass!
That has kept the temps down and we have had some glorious fall days.  A bit early, but welcome!  Has been an unusally hot summer.  

Annie keeps her eyes on her CatTV.
Bunny and ground squirrel.
Two baby bunnies--larger one from a different litter?
The last grey storage basket finally arrived.   And Annie's two new rugs.  Well, they are actually doormats--LOL!  She got a new one with colorful fish on it for outside the giant litter box she so loves.  (Burying her poops again--so I do think the feel of the metal bothered her--lol!)  And a colorful striped one for her food dishes.
I was going to have them the other way around but the bigger fish mat fit better by her litter box.  Regardless, our autistic Annie has been happy with no pooping outside the box (or even barfing?)--knock on wood!!

PET scan.  
I was told I had to get the radiation/dye infusion and then be in a "quiet room" for 45 minutes--no company, no TV, no cell phone--try to sleep.  Apparently all the fast growing cells light up in the PET scan and brain cells are fast growing so they want you as unstimulated as possible--especially if they want to light up areas in the rest of your body.  So Leah couldn't come with that time.  She and the boys went to visit her grandparents while I was in the hospital.  Perfect!  :)

I was dressed appropriately with absoluterly no metal anywhere so I didn't even have to get undressed--cool!  Just like the CTscan.  But they stuck me in a small room with an uncomfortable lounger chair, told me it would be an hour and 15 minutes, and drew the curtain around me.  My feet hung over the edge (that sets off my plantar fasciitis)--hard skinny chair arms--crinkly pillow that tipped your neck forward no matter how you tried to adjust it--and my back (already pissed off from all the surgeries and tests) was not a happy camper.  So I tried to settle into the pain and rest, at least.  

If you have ever tried to sleep in a busy hospital during the day you would know how difficult that is--LOL!   Noises, people talking loudly, people coming in and out of the room to put down or take up things on the table by the door (?), another patient brought in to lie on the other lounger a couple feet away from me divided by curtains.  That person also wanted to go to the bathroom first--in and out--and then they needed all the instructions by the nurse as to how to move the bed up and down, etc, and he was coughing.  All kind of funny in a sick way.  Another form of hurry up and wait...and cross your fingers you don't catch anything.  I couldn't feel any sensations as far as the radiation traveling through my body.  Never slept a wink, though.

Finally they came to get me.  I hobbled to the bathroom--as this time they wanted your bladder empty, thank goodness.  The PET scan itself was easy--in that you didn't have to pee like crazy or hold your breath over and over again--it was just lying on one of those hard scanner tables with a bad back, really.  About 25 minutes, I think, and I was done.  Was a bit disorienting leaving because of the quiet room and the eyes closed in the tube--I felt like I had been trying for so long to kind of space out to endure the cranky back that I was kind of half with it--LOL!

All the scans are different but none of them are painful--if you don't have a bad back, that is.  Off I went home again.

Amazingly, my results were posted on the Essentia website later that afternoon.

Bad news.
You may remember they said I had two tumors that looked like cancer and one that looked benign--long ago after the CTscan?  Well, now I have four cancerous tumors.  One may be the one they thought was benign because there was no mention of a benign tumor.  I am reading the medical jargon myself, of course, and I haven't talked to Dr. Kobrossy yet--but it is pretty obvious that they have grown in size just since the CTscan June 23rd...and I have an extra one for sure now.  

So even if the bladder cancer wasn't acting normally and was being fairly contained all that time size-wise--this cancer LOVES my liver!  Growing like a weed.  Living up to its aggressive  reputation.

Good news.
The liver cancer has been caught early--IMO, anyways.  Thank God for Dr. Kessler who asked for a cancer test just to be on the safe side when we thought it was stones.  I have no stones in my bladder or kidneys that anyone has mentioned--just gallstones, which no one mentions--LOL!  Couldn't find anywhere in the results online that cancer showed up in my bladder--so that's good.  


So, I can only assume that it is still the same game plan.  Chemo--and then zapping the liver tumors.  I wondered if Dr. Kobrossy would want to see me earlier once he got these results.   

And sweet Dr. Regender wasn't that far off.  They are "different".  Just different in the way it's acting and growing in my liver vs. my bladder.  Stranger things have happened.

It was a jolt, though.  Took me a couple of hours to sift through the information and locate the positives.  But this convinced me that chemo is definitely the route to go.  Will likely start end of the month, I would imagine.

Leah and I did a video call Thursday night--went through the next Costco and Cashwise grocery orders---and discussed all of this going on.

Got a call from Kobrassy's nurse and he wanted me to have labwork before our appointment.  Got set up for this coming Friday afternoon for the labwork.  Asked it be at the West Fargo Clinic instead of at the hospital.  Hopefully be less busy over there. (Hospital and hospital clinic have been packed.)  We're taking it as good news that he didn't move my appointment up sooner (but he could be just swamped busy, of course).

I did laundry, my banking, and made Amazon orders.  This month was a lot for Miss Annie girl.  Kitty litter 40# bags, canned food, her doormats, and one new toy I can refill with catnip. 

I got a couple of things but I'll show them next time when they are filled and in place.  ;)

Packages arriving already!  I showed you Annie's doormats.  Was a day to collapse--absorb--gain my bearings--get grounded.....again.  

Leah volunteered to come with me for my first chemo session whenever that will be.  I had told her they didn't need to be with me for those--just a drop off and pick up.  If she is with me, though, we will have a better idea how to plan for chemo days.  I have started searching online for a big chemo bag with a shoulder strap I can use to haul everything I need--prayer blanket, neck pillow, laptop, snacks, drinks, writing materials for letters, whatever turns out I need with me.  If they don't have WIFI then we will figure out a way I can watch something on the laptop--download or do something else.  Dagan and Leah will know the ins and outs of all that techie stuff.  I can at least listen to audio books on my cell phone with my new earbuds--even if I have to pay roaming costs it would be worth it.  

Can you tell where my mind has gone as of this weekend?  LOL!  I have totally accepted that chemo is my future--and I pray that Kobrossy is still in favor of the milder kind.  I have a million questions that won't be answered until I am in there.  Besides WIFI--what kind of chairs do they have, how easy is it to go to the bathroom on your own when you are strung up to an IV, do I get one of those hospital tables to set things on, is it chilly in there, how will we be spaced out or is it private these days, do they have a TV, how does the procedure go and how long will it last?  I guess Leah and I will find out together.

Then--I will have to decide eventually if I want a port or not.  That's another surgery, though.  I haven't asked about that yet.  I have good veins to start with so not a rush.

I already have fibro fog.  Now chemo fog will be added to that because it kills some of those fast growing brain cells.  I am already easily exhausted--so I will probably be falling asleep off and on like I did reacting to the vaccinations--could be nauseous/throwing up and/or aching all over.  I'm used to the aching all over...that was amped up after the vaccines, too.  Leah will make me up foods again that I can nuke.  We've kind of been here before in a lot of ways.  Just not sure how bad I am going to feel.  Will know when I get there.  You know how I go through worst case scenario first...and it might be easier than expected, who knows?

The two 40# bags of kitty litter arrived.  Dagan was driving Aaron home after Liam's birthday party so he stopped by and got them in from the entryway for me and dumped them in the big litter bin in the pantry.  Took out trash, too.  He stayed for three hours!  We gabbed about everything going on.  Was SOO nice to have some one-on-one time with him!

He's back to working from home like he did before.  If there's something needing immediate attention he would go in during the day briefly (everyone has to wear masks again at work, at least) but mostly he'd go in after hours when they've all gone home.  So very glad he's working from home again.

Leah is doing home schooling.  The boys got their front step pics for the start of school.  
Ian is in first grade.
This year Liam starts pre-school.
They set up their gaming room upstairs to be a schoolroom, too.  Maybe I'll get to see it this next weekend.  (I hope to make it over to bring Liam's presents from me.)
Sunday was Liam's birthday party.
I passed because I had exposure four days in a row this last week so didn't want to be hugging those boys.  The big family bubble that had formed after all the adults were vaccinated (there were more people in the kitchen and dining room)...
...will be coming to an end again soon.  One more birthday for the boys' cousin soon and then we will be kind of in lockdown mode again.  Mostly because of me and the boys not being vaccinated.  Chemo destroys your immune system, from everything I've ever heard, and mine isn't good to begin with.  I've kind of been isolating more for a while, anyways.

So--a rollercoaster of a week...but ended up on a positive, we think.  The treatment plan is the same on my end and hopefully will be on Dr. Kobrossy's end, too.  Likely chemo once a week for two weeks and then two weeks off...till we shrink those puppies.  Send healing shrinking energy--LOL!

Less happening this week.  Just the labwork on Friday and then hopefully a nice long visit with McFamily on the weekend.  No idea about when they'll bring over the sauna.  Depending on when they can borrow a vehicle that could happen any time.  Sauna time should help with chemo, too.  Draw out the toxins!  So, hopefully I'll get it before I start chemo.  :)

Well, that's it for this week...and this was a shortened version--ROFL!  But I am over five hours in so far and all tuckered out for any more chatting at the moment.  Another gorgeous day.  I am glad to have a couple weeks off (just labwork) to let all of this settle in...and to get a chemo bag and start stocking it.  ;)  At least for two weeks I think I will be feeling halfways decent.  That's a plus.  Healing well so far.  Almost caught up on anyone who wants to drop a line or a nice long email...maybe let's chat while I only have fibro fog--LOL!

Thank you all you wonderful humans!!
Till next week...
"We don;t know what life will bring, so it is what we bring to life that matters."
Patricia Campbell Carlson