Sunday, January 28, 2007


I went down for a "nap" at 3pm and got up at 1:30am. Boy! This flu knocks you off your feet. Seems like it must be peaking--hehe! Worse the last couple days than it was when it started.

I called Leah and cancelled yesterday around noon for Sacred Circle and the reflexologist today. I hope the girl could get some other client to fill my spot tonight. Between Dagan and Leah and now me--we managed to miss Sacred Circle for the whole month of January--and now I have been informed that next Sunday is actually Super Bowl Sunday. Dagan and Leah suggested this Wednesday night, but I am not sure I will even be in shape by then? I am usually so exhausted after being sick--takes me longer to recoop than my pre-fibro days. And I've been reading online that this stuff can last a week or more. I came down with it late on Tuesday. We'll have to play it by ear.

Boy! I'm glad I managed to wash clothes when I did--chuckle! It got worse instead of better. That was one of those naggy things repeating in my head that I didn't want to hear. I have learned to listen to them--especially when they irritate me and I don't want to comply (thinking I'd be better soon, of course--hehe!). Thanks GA! Who would think guardian angels can help you out with such mundane things as laundry?? LOLOL!! But--I would have had to be sicker in dirty clothes!! Now I am sicker in clean clothes. :) Ah! The little things in life to be grateful for! *big grin*

Minus 11 degrees right now. Wind chills of minus 25 degrees. Glad I am indoors and warm under my blanket. Later...

PS Don't worry about me. I have been much sicker than this is my lifetime. This one is middle of the road sick. :)

Saturday, January 27, 2007


This angel is over the outside of my bedroom door. I got her from my friend, Lynnette. The hearts she holds say "seek" "peace". She is a bold colorful angel. Thanks Lynnette--for all the angels you have given me over the years. Just feels so good and positive having angels all around me! :)

Right now I "seek" "health"--hehe! Thought I was feeling better when I first woke up--(slept from 8pm till 4am)--until I drank some black coffee and moved around. Still nauseous and dizzy and blowing my nose and feeling weak. From what I've heard this stuff just hangs in there for about a week or so! Arg! It's not super bad--I've been much more miserable many times in my life--but you are just miserable enough. Barely mobile--basically knocked off your game. Just want to curl up someplace and be left alone, you know? Oh well--this too shall pass.

I am watching The Thorn Birds in sections since it is 243 minutes for the second half. Watching a lot of TV. Yes, I know--mindless TV! hehe!

Dagan surprised me yesterday and stopped by about 12:45pm. I was in a long nightgown, parked in my chair, feeling yucky, and wondering who the heck was unlocking the door!!! Was shocked to see him--hehe! He was off early from work Friday and was meeting some people for lunch at 1:30pm---had some time to spare, so he decided to come over and visit with me for a little while. What a pleasant surprise!! I am so close to where he works now. Was glad he came by--cheered me up! He went down and got my mail for me, too--nice! Since I've been sick, I wait till some time when I am up in the middle of the night and wander down in my robe. Just too miserable to get dressed--but don't feel comfortable wandering the halls during the day in my robe and nightgown. I'm sure the neighbors appreciate me staying home, too--hehe!

Dagan and I were peeking at Bob Ross on PBS doing an oil painting that was rather on the ugly side for him. Must have been an early show of his--he looked younger? We were chuckling away about this one--was the worst painting either of us have ever seen him do. Dagan told me that when we start to do painting sessions again at their place, he wants to work on painting his minatures instead of an actual painting on canvas. His gaming group is using the miniatures again these days, so he wants to finish his. Ugly little things! Anyways, it's a possibility that we might try to get together for painting next Wednesday. We'll see how things go. Dagan and Leah have things pop up all the time--they have such a busy social life! :) Me--I am wondering if I will have to cancel tomorrow for Sacred Circle and the rescheduled reflexologist appointment?? From the looks of it--I will be home in my nightgown. So, I am not sure how I'll be feeling next week?? We'll check with each other later on.

I am feeling pretty yucky right now--so I am off to lay back in my chair with a blanket and watch some more of The Thorn Birds.....

Friday, January 26, 2007


Here's my "little purchase" that I made at The Scrapnook on my bus trip. Funky alphabet stencil. It is actually quite small. Hard to tell by the photo. 4 1/4 by 5 1/2 inches is all.

This is the lamp Leah brought over for me to borrow for crafting. It is one of those touch lamps. I am waiting for time when I am sleeping and Karma touches it and turns it on. I am fully expecting to wake up and the light will be on one of these days. Wish I could be a fly on the wall!! hehehe!
I decided to go ahead and show some samples of the cards I finally finished. The female version here--they are all different colors, so nobody will know exactly what they are getting--and it is hard in the photo to show the shimmer to the paint, anyways. The male version is so hard to photograph! Black paper and multicolored embossing powder. I couldn't get a decent shot of them. Oh well...
Here's what the coordinating insides look like. So that is what I had been working on little by little for quite a while here. I'm slowly feeling better. Might be back up to snuff by tomorrow. Haven't gotten much more done than finally finishing the birthday cards and washing clothes (out of neccessity). I have the other half of The Thorn Birds to watch tonight. I have been sleeping at odd hours. Ready for a nap right now, as a matter of fact..... :)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


My trio of Christmas angels are back in the garage along with the little tree, lights, etc--thanks to Dagan. He stopped by after work yesterday to pick up the new superman movie. I was feeling sick--cancelled on Maria's visit. Dagan offered to take out my Christmas stuff for me. I am so grateful, as I probably wouldn't have been up to it for days. Thank you, Dagan!

So, I am not feeling well. Sleeping or tucked under a blanket on my chair. Will be back when I feel better. :)

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


My trip to federal housing Monday. Here's the bus stop on the corner in front of our building. My three year old bus schedule was no longer accurate, so I missed the bus going that direction (towards West Acres Mall). I had to walk down to infront of the white building you can see right behind the bus pole to the left there. Ice on all the sidewalks. As far south as I am in Fargo, the bus I catch goes just on a little route from West Acres Mall (the big mall in town) and swings down around and over to K-Mart--and then back again--once an hour till the last bus at 6pm.

My bus--the 25--is a smaller little bus. The driver had on the public radio station and I had calming classical music for the start and end of my excursion today. I either got my finger or part of my kleenex in the shot. Sniffles--exacerbated by standing and walking in the cold wind for 20 minutes, of course.
Then I transferred to one of the larger buses at K-Mart. Our number 25 driver was so sweet. He let us sit in the bus and wait where it was warm until the number 14 arrived to take us to the GTC (like the city bus depot)--where I transferred to the number 11 that goes up Broadway in Fargo.
I made it there with time to spare, as I had planned. But, to my chagrin, I discovered that Babb's Coffee Shop isn't there anymore! It could have been gone up to a year or so for all I know. I remember hearing about the city of Fargo upping taxes or something and that Babbs and some other places of business might have to close or move. I did notice several boarded up store fronts. I asked a young couple walking by with a red cheeked toddler if they knew where Babb's was--they had never heard of it. They went into a pawn shop--that I didn't remember being there--and I wandered down another block and spotted an Atomic Coffee across the street!!

When I lived in Moorhead the original Atomic Coffee was a block and a half down the street from me. It was like a center for creativity to me. That is where I went to a lot of public "readings" for college and listened to little 2-3 piece bands or single singers. Lots of the students and professors kind of hung out there. You always saw people in deep conversations, hunched over laptops, reading, writing...

Then the City of Moorhead basically tore down a couple of blocks because of their renovation projects. (Does look nice from what I have seen of it--would like to walk it next summer.) Atomic moved across the street to a much smaller location that didn't quite have the total atmosphere--even with the addition of a couple of stuffed chairs. No room for a small band--just not the same. They opened a second Atomic Coffee in south Moorhead--same type of thing there. It's a little larger, but has a strange layout where it would be difficult to host readings or music there, too. They still have the best coffee and hot chocolate in town, as far as I'm concerned. And they still encourage people to settle in--have board games and newspapers lying around--and Internet access.

I had totally forgotten that I heard they'd opened a third Atomic on Broadway!! It used to be such a treat for me to walk down and buy a cafe mocha and sit and write a letter or read a book at the original Atomic. The other two didn't feel the same at all to me--not that they aren't just fine--but this! This is the place!! Like coming home, but better! The layout is better and the place is larger! They do have some stuffed chairs up by the window--and there is obviously room enough in this one to have readings and music. I forgot to ask. The bus doesn't go at night, anyways. But, I will be back there! Worth taking three buses to get there!

I went to my meeting with Linda at Federal Housing. She was actually smiling and looked good! She had some kind of procedure done on her back about a week ago and it took the main pain away for her. I was so happy for her! She is all crookedly hunched over and such a nice woman, despite her constant pain. I am amazed she is still working--but she insists she cannot afford to quit. ?? Well, she looked the best I've ever seen her. :) And I think I looked the best she's ever seen me, too! hehe!

By the time I was finished with the appointment with Linda I had missed the bus. So, to keep warm, I decided to start walking to the GTC. I managed to walk all the way on mostly icy sidewalks before the buses got there. Picked up a new bus schedule. Caught the bus to K-Mart, since it was the next one to arrive.

I didn't realize that I'd have a half an hour wait for the transfer at K-Mart going the opposite direction. Next time I'll take a bus to West Acres and go home that way. They have a large heated room to wait in over there! chuckle!

I really didn't want to go into K-Mart, but it was colder than I thought it would be outside because of the wind, of course, so I wandered in that direction. Then I spotted a store in the little strip mall adjacent to K-Mart. Scrapnook!!! In I went! But with only a few dollars to my name--and not being a scrapbooker (and this store has much less that could be adapted for card making--very specific to the 12 X 12 scrapbooking stuff--and very tiny aisles--jam packed, I tell you!)--I was done in ten minutes. Made a very small purchase.

Back to the bus shelter to wait another 20 minutes in the cold. The shelter happened to be facing so that the wind came right inside. Metal benches--can only sit for a little while at a time when it is cold--chuckle! I am out of practice! I rode the buses all the time when I was in college for five years up here. I was adapted--acclimated! Not any more--LOLOL!!!
Headed for home with the public radio driver--and a chatty older gentleman who talked about french horns and a composer friend of his who played in Johnny Carson's band. Very pleasant trip in general today!

I told you how stark it is around where I live now in South Fargo. This is facing my building from the bus stop. See how icy the sidewalks are!?
This is the front of our building. Nobody uses this entrance much. All the parking is in the back. But I really wish they'd clear off ALL the sidewalks. They don't clear off the sidewalk that runs in front of the buildings? Neither do the other apartment complexes along our side of the road? Maybe the City is supposed to get those? No idea? But nobody does much with them. I walked thru the building to the right and over to the office. Warmer than walking outside--and less slippery! hehe! I had papers to sign there, too--and I wanted to get it over with. I was very sore and knew once I got home I was going to be out of commission for a day or two. I got my yearly stuff all signed over there, too.

This is a shot from me leaving the office building. Our building is on the edge of the picture on the right side. They've been building homes across the way. Maybe this spring I will have to just wander over there and walk the basically naked blocks (baby trees). All pretty stark outside around here.

I had left my apartment at 11:45am and arrived home at 4pm. Now--do you feel like you went with me? hehe!

I was too sore to blog or answer emails. Dagan stopped by after work to pick up the movies and a couple packages that had been delivered here. He was going to help me search the garage for the rabbit ears and some other stuff--and I had the Christmas stuff on my little green cart ready to go back out to the garage, too--but I was too exhausted and hobbling.

I have another Netflix movie supposed to come for them today--the newest Superman movie. So, he might be stopping by tonight again. Caroline comes to clean at 1:30pm. Maria might be stopping by at 7pm. And here I am--awake in the middle of the night. I had gone to bed at 10:30pm and woke up about 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. (Leg & feet pains from walking. No big deal--just uncomfortable enough I couldn't fall asleep again.)

Was a really good day!! Now I am off to try and sleep again for a while.... :)

Sunday, January 21, 2007


I'm not sure if there is supposed to be a certain representation with this angel or a title to explain her sorrow? But when I look at her--with her arm over her eyes and the sword trailing her--she has always represented how I feel about humanity sometimes. Human beings are the most horrible and the most beautiful creatures on earth. That human beings would choose the darkest they can be instead of the lightest---that we are that blind and that lost--that we would voluntarily make that choice!!! Always makes me cry, too. Overwhelms me, when I think about it.

I choose to believe that this angel will recover from her moment of sorrow. She is a fighting angel--carries her sword with her even in her despair. She will fight for us again. She will believe in us again. That is what I see when I gaze at my angel in despair hanging in my hallway.

The reflexology appointment was cancelled. Dagan called me and asked if we could switch Sacred Circle, once again, to next Sunday when there's no football on--hehe! (I would never be aware of football games.) Leah's sister was over for this weekend, too, and this way they wouldn't have to kind of push her out the door--hehe! She could stay as long as she wanted. (Michal and Chuck live in Saint Cloud, Mn.)

I did all my paperwork and made copies of appropriate "stuff" for my annual appointment with federal housing tomorrow. I am all ready to go. I guess. :) Three buses to get there and three buses to get back. I will be blessed with warm weather!! Supposed to be like 28 degrees tomorrow! A virtual heat wave the past couple days!! I have an old bus schedule, so I will leave extra early in case they've changed anything. I'll bring a book and letter writing paper so I can go sit in Babb's coffee shop or Zandbroz if I have time to spare--which I probably will--am planning on having that luxury. :)

I slept at night last night, too! So, I should be good to go. Dagan is coming by after work tomorrow. I hope I am home from my 2pm appointment by then (5pm)--but he has a key. Dagan and Leah quit Netflix--too busy to watch the movies. But they wanted to see the two Pirates of the Caribbean movies with Johnny Depp and I ordered the movies for them. I also wanted Dagan to check my DVD/CD player on the computer. It is sticking and I am afraid I might not be able to get one out of there one of these days. Not working well. I am hoping it is not a problem from the white powder? Could be?? The DVD/CD cleaner Leah sent over back then wouldn't work on it for some reason?? I called and asked Dagan to bring the cleaner again and I'll let him try that tomorrow night--see if he can get it to work?

Right now, I am listening to the CDs Dagan ordered -- the soundtrack of The Secret. Hope I can get it out of the machine--hehe! Watched a really good movie I forgot about on TV this afternoon--Simon Birch!! A movie about faith and destiny, I guess you'd say. And I turned off the TV afterwards and won't turn it on until tonight. Listening to The Secret is a much more positve way to spend my time. :)

I noticed that since I have been shutting off the TV here and there or not turning it on automatically when I get up--it has quit freaking out Miss Gracie so badly! chuckle! She thought something was very "off" in her world and got very, very nervous. I bet she thought I was going to be leaving any second--because that was the only time the TV went off when she was awake--ROFL!!! She's gotten more used to it now. Me, too! hehe! :) But I will be watching Desperate Housewives and laughing later tonight!

Saturday, January 20, 2007


I even have my magnetic angels and angelic messages collection--most of these were gifts--on the side of my frig!

Yesterday I slept ten hours--a lot of the day--so I wasn't tired all night again. I fell asleep in the lounger with Karma on my chest from around noon till 4pm and am sore as heck right now. So this will be very brief today.

Tomorrow Leah and I have another appointment with the reflexologist--we'll be there between 3 and 5pm. Then we are going over to their place for Sacred Circle! Had to postpone this month. We usually schedule it for the first Sunday, but Dagan or both Dagan and Leah have been out of town on the weekends this month until now. We are going to go thru some more of the Healing Touch techniques. A refresher course for me, too! :)

Still no additional snow to speak of. I saw a few floaty flakes a couple times the past few days. Can still see brown on the dirt piles and in the field across the way. What crazy weather all around the world! ??? We seem to be in a very quiet spot, I guess. Can't complain. :)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Friday 11:30pm

This is the angel picture that hangs next to me here by the computer. Very victorian looking girl angel. If I remember it is titled "Angel Unaware"? I now have the picture of me as a little girl tucked into the corner, but I removed it so I could show the whole picture to you.
I watched a really odd movie with Robin Williams called The Night Listener. The fact that this was based on a true story made it all the more interesting to me! It's the kind of movie I don't want to say much about--don't want to give anything away. I was fascinated by it!

Reality blurs with fiction in this psychological thriller adapted from Armistead Maupin's novel about writer and radio host Gabriel Noone (Robin Williams). While Gabriel's romantic life falls apart he receives a manuscript from a troubled young fan (Rory Culkin). Despite his friends' warnings, fragile Gabriel develops an unsettling relationship with the boy and his blind guardian. Based on a true story. Toni Collette and Sandra Oh co-star.

Dagan stopped by before bowling last night and switched my DVD/VCRs for me. Now the one I can both tape off the TV and watch a DVD at the same time is in the living room again. He washed his CocaCola red bowling ball in the sink with soap and water--and we got to laughing about the ball flying off his fingers if there was still water in the finger holes.

Leah stopped after her second job around 7ish. Got to playing with the Melting Pot and stayed till after 9:30pm. I just knew she'd love it! Leah experimented with using the suggestion we got for preventing polymer clay from sticking to molds--Armor All Tire Shine! We had already picked some up and hadn't tried it yet on the polymer clay. It worked with the melted art really well. A little smelly--like WD40, Leah said. True. I'm not even sure why we find this silly melting pot so totally fascinating, but we do.

The little kit with the non-stick spatula and spoon/tweezers--the spoon/tweezers were anything but non-stick! I am going to mail them back and get store credit. Leah said she'll peek around for some teflon/silicone spoons and utensils we can use. Comes right off of the silicone spatula like a charm!

We got to talking about The Secret and the weight loss concepts. Leah said I probably shouldn't be counting calories and focusing so much on food and my weight--true! According to the Law of Attraction, we should just be feeling as positive as we can and believing that we will have the perfect bodies for us. According to the LOA--the people who can eat absolutely anything and not gain weight--it is because they totally believe that fact. They sure do say it all the time, that's for sure.

So--I quit tracking my foods on Sparks today. But I am still involved on Sparks in the groups and love the positive people there. As long as they are good for me and I don't spend too much time on the computer--I will stay in my groups. I did cut back on the number of groups I am in, too. I am still tracking the things in the one sparks challenge I signed up for (Jan 1-Feb 14). To meditate 3X a week and learn something once a week (good positive things!!)--but I will not worry about losing a certain amount of weight. I added exercise 3X a week, too. I know that is good for me, no matter how small I start out. :)

I will just try to be as positive as I can be all the time. I know what I DO personally believe and I will stick with that for now. I DO believe that if I eat healthier it is good for my body. So, I will continue to eat healthier--and not beat myself up for any foods. I DO believe that if I can learn to listen to my body it will tell me what is more positive for me to eat. So, I will continue to learn to listen to my body.

When I do my meditations I remember myself at my perfect weight, healthy, and with lots of energy. I try to feel what it felt like. I want to send that out to the universe. The truth is--when I look back over the years--my weight has seemed to have less to do with what I eat than with how I felt about myself and with what I believed about myself. I remember many times staying the same weight no matter what I ate or what I did--heavier or thinner--made no difference. So, maybe the LOA is really true? It really feels true to me. It is hard to change one's beliefs--but it is certainly not impossible.

The first thing I am doing is to stop focusing on food and my weight constantly. Now I am going to try to focus on thinking about how I feel about what I eat before I eat it. Eat foods that make me feel positive and stop thinking of food as the enemy. I am my own worst enemy, actually--hehe! Actually stop thinking so much about food and losing weight--just focus on feeling good and positive. Use visualization to be what I want to be.

Eliminating negatives. One of those is to watch less TV. Not that I watch a lot of what I would have classified as "negative" TV (I try to stay away from the news and such) and not that TV itself is bad--but watching too much of it keeps me from doing other more positive things. Even if I do have a lot of down time--I could be reading or writing. I can do those in my chair with my props to assist me and not suffer much.

And the closer attention I pay--TV is looking different to me. There is an awful lot of violence, insult humor, gossip, fear, murders, lying... I know you can't get away from that side of life altogether, but I can be aware of how watching makes me feel. Like--there are murders on Monk, but the show doesn't make me feel down or fearful or upset when I am watching it, you know. Mr. Monk always makes me laugh and he is charming. And I will have more control if I am picking and choosing from Netflix. If I drop cable and have just a few TV channels and only watch a few programs that I have taped--I can skip commercials, too. My problem is that living alone I am in the habit of having the TV on all the time even if I am not watching it--just for the company. That will be a major change I have attempted to make in the past and not been successful with--turning off the TV for most of the day. This time I will be successful. I am putting that out to the universe.

Thinking healthy. I keep saying to myself that I will have more and more good, productive time each day. I will be able to exercise longer and longer without extra pain. MY IBS will clear up faster than I imagined. And I will continue to be grateful for everything in my life--even the weight and the health issues and all the rest. Each aspect--each hurdle has been a gift--an oppotunity to learn spiritual lessons.

I had asked my angels and guides for help to continue on this path to better health in 2007. The year has started out with huge advances and amazing information!! I will do my best! :):)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


There is a story about this angel over the inside of the bedroom door. He was a gift from another older student at Concordia when she left my place. Yes--my apartment. I barely knew her--we'd just met, actually--a week or so later she fell getting off the bus and broke her foot. She was living in a dorm on campus and there were no accomodations for handicapped (other than a few elevators) or for students who needed temporary assistance. The lady was married, but her husband was in Arizona and worked for the government. He couldn't make it back to pick her up and haul all her stuff home for almost a month.

I met her on the bus, actually. She gave me her phone number, almost demanded mine, and asked me to stop by her room at the dorm--pointed out where her window was on first floor. I didn't think we had much in common and wasn't planning on trying to keep the momentum going, if you know what I mean. She was studying the bible and wanted to spend her life debating and proving the exact meanings of biblical passages.

One day I got off the bus--early for class as usual--and I had been being nagged for a couple of days by the feeling I should stop by like she wanted me to--so I thought I'd finally stop by. If she was there--fine. If not--fine. I had to walk past her window to get to the entryway and I heard somebody sobbing. I automatically tapped on the window...and I heard the story.

At that time I had a daybed in my second bedroom. So, I invited this total stranger to come and stay with me until her husband could come and get her and her things (she was leaving Concordia and totally fed up with them). I spent weeks literally waiting on her hand and foot. Cooking and shopping for her. Bringing her every little thing she needed. If she could have had me pee for her, she would have been happy--hehe! Trying to do homework while she talked was a challenge. She wouldn't stop, even if I asked her not to talk for a while. It was comical! I had expected that after a week or so she'd be pretty self-sufficient. BUT--the woman had no sense of balance whatsoever! Up until the day she left she'd fall over on crutches and was unable to hop, either, without smashing against the walls or falling onto furniture or knocking something over--so she had to crawl to the bathroom.

I learned things about her. She was used to being waited on at home by her husband and children--and told me so. She detested breast feeding and thought it was disgusting. Wasn't crazy about having children--but she had like four of them, I think. We had no common ground on "religion", obviously. But she was trapped--hehe! So she heard what I thought, too. She was depressed and a generally negative woman. She did introduce me to the show ER, tho--which I have watched ever since. But she basically treated me like her servant and like she was entitled--just in general--entitled. Chuckle! They had a lot of money--maybe that was her problem--LOL! She had paid cash for the school year. She gave me $100 at a time with her list of magazines, pop, and snack foods--and I always returned what I didn't spend. But I fed her for almost a month and she only reimbursed me for her long distance calls. (I still find it so amusing I am actually laughing out loud as I am writing this!) She was a hoot and a half!!

Eventually--her husband came and got her and all her things. And--yes--she did boss him around like she said she did. Before they left for Arizona, she stopped back with a beautiful thank you card and this angel. When I see him protecting my bedroom while I sleep--I chuckle! The whole situation was hysterically funny to me on many levels--even at the time when I was so frustrated--hehe! He was a total surprise--but in a way, I feel like I earned this angel. :) If I had been in her shoes, I would have wanted somebody to help me out in a bad situation like that. I'd probably do it again.

We emailed a couple of times. They moved to Texas, if I recall, soon after she went back--government moved them, I think. She told me that she thought a lot about what I had done for her after she left. She apologized for how she had acted and that she'd been such a burden. Told me I had taught her about unconditional love. Ha! In my head it wasn't always so unconditional--chuckle!! She was a difficult woman to live with. :)

That's my angel for today. Looking at my trumpeting male angel reminds me to do the right thing--even if it is a pain in the ass sometimes. :)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


I remember every time I look at this picture--how amazed to the core I was when I received this counted cross stitch angel from my sister, Renee. Absolutely beautiful--even has shimmery golden threads! Renee and I weren't even talking much at the time. I didn't even realize she was aware of how much I love angels--especially adult angels. It choked me up.

Still does.

I am so glad that we are talking again now. NayNay--you will always be my little sister. I will always wish I could somehow protect you and my little brother, Blaine--and I will always love you both. We don't always talk about how we feel--don't even talk to each other much period. That Swedish/Scandinavian/MidWestern reticence...
...heard tell of a Swede who loved his wife so much that he almost told her.

Thank you, Renee. :)

Dagan, Leah, and I watched The Secret last night. Ordered chicken fried rice delivery--such a treat for me!! Delicious!! I have been thinking a lot about all the concepts ever since. So much of it already fits into my basic core beliefs--but it is so much more precise--focused--and yet so much broader and all-encompassing at the same time. I am usually not at a loss for words, as you know, but this has my head spinning and my heart leaping. I have to digest it all and try it out to see if it really works. I sit and think about the times in my life it has worked--even when I wasn't aware of what I was doing--what I was asking for. I am processing. I am absorbing. I am going thru an inner shift.

If anybody is interested -- can order, watch, etc: or

Dagan ordered the audio CD already today. It is something you want to hear over and over again--to absorb it--to believe. It is one of those times that you hear something and your soul knows it is truth--it rings with truth to the core of my being.

I know I am my own worst enemy. I know that most of us were raised with constant negatives all around us--even when we weren't aware of it. I've even been looking at commercials differently. And I am glad I made the decision not to watch the news as much as possible since the 60s!! I am looking at television differently--me! The TV baby!! I am actually thinking about dropping Cable TV!! I have Netflix and the Internet. With rabbit ears I can probably get the four or five channels available without cable. That would be a huge change! I would have to do other things: read, write, crafts, art, work on my website.....exercise!! hehe!

The deepest question--if there were no limitations whatsoever--what do I really want my life to be like? What do I want to be doing? Where do I want to live? How do I want to feel?

Obviously, the Universe is trying to tell me something. Remember Dr. John? This is what he asked me, too!! That is why I started (what I thought was) the "silly" scrapbook---which I am going to get back to now!! :) The Secret talked about making up a collage of the things you want in your life.

Can I feel/visualize myself healthy--my perfect body weight--filled with energy--doing what I love that makes my soul soar? Can I believe I am worth it? (I just got tears in my eyes just typing that!)

I have a core belief that God/The Universe is there for anybody or anything else--but me. That is how Soul Comfort works for me. I ask to be of assistance for somebody or an animal--whoever needs the help in crisis-- I HAVE ABSOLUTE AND TOTAL FAITH THAT IT IS SO -- and the energy will come and pass thru me to them. I am the conduit. The straw. I am grateful for the residual effects of that awesome power passing thru me--that I receive by default. Makes me cry every time. I am crying now.

So, I know that if you ask and believe--you shall receive. Somehow I have to believe--at my core--that I am worth receiving, too. I honestly don't/didn't know how to do that. But--The Secret has given me hope and ideas of how to change my feelings of inherent worthlessness. I had asked for help to deal with my shadow self and my demons this year. Wow! Started out with a bang, eh? This should prove to be an amazing year!!

So--I absorb--I think--am more aware of what I am always telling myself--of my expectations and beliefs. I am learning to be alert to how I feel. We do know the difference between feeling bad and feeling good. And we can change it when we are aware we are feeling badly. Music is an easy way for me. More music--less TV!! hehe!

Blessings to you and yours!!

Monday, January 15, 2007


Angel Recap--for those of you who missed it--this angel was posted recently. Just got her from my friend, Bonnie, in Hibbing, Minnesota. She is called the Angel Of Healing!! :)

This plaque that hangs by my door was posted earlier, too. Loved it from the moment I laid eyes on it! I think those are the only angel things I had previously posted? :)
On to a new angel posting! These cute angels hang in my kitchen and are from my brother, Blaine, and his wife, Kathy! :)
I've just been working on the birthday cards and puttering about. Tonight I am going over to Dagan and Leah's. We're going to watch The Secret DVD on their bigger TV--and I'm really looking forward to it! Dagan is picking me up after work in a couple of hours.

Still haven't gotten the order from Polymer Clay Express. They may be a little cheaper than Dick Blick--but they are WAY slower! I guess the order is supposed to come on Wednesday the 17th. I placed the order on the 3rd and they didn't even get the order sent out until over a week later. I've never ordered from them before. If everything is correct and in good shape when it arrives it will have been worth waiting for, right? I guess I am spoiled. I do a lot of online ordering and I am not used to such slow service, I guess.

Been very cold up here. Below zero a lot. We've had down to minus 45 degree wind chill. From one extreme to the next, eh? This is more normal--but we should also have had a few feet of snow by now, too. It has crept up to a toasty zero degrees at the moment--hehe!

Stay warm and dry!

Saturday, January 13, 2007


I posted two angels yesterday, so I'll post another one tomorrow.
Today I have some pictures from Dagan and Leah's trip to New York for Dagan's stepbrother Nathan's wedding in May of 2006.

Dagan and Leah are actually my two live human angels! :)

Friday, January 12, 2007


These beautiful angels from my friend, Lynnette, are watching over me in the bedroom until I finally put the little Christmas tree away and get them back in the living room. Unless they might do me more good watching over me when I sleep? Hummm???

I guess that was two angels today, eh? They're always together. I especially love the angel in red! You just don't see such dramatic looking angels very often. They are both beautiful.

Today we have had wind chill advisories out. Minus 45 degree wind chills. High of minus 3 degrees. This is more like our normal winter weather, but nobody has missed it much--hehe! It's minus 12 degrees right this minute, I guess. (I have the weather on.)

I watched Six Feet Under last night and couldn't stop! Just like with a really good book--I wanted to find out how it ended. They most certainly knew they were being cancelled. The ending was so amazing that I watched it twice and cried both times. All thru the five seasons they'd start each show with a death (somebody who'd end up in their funeral home) and cut to their full name with the birth year and death year. Nate, one of the two sons, died near the very end of the last season--that was sad enough. Kind of shocking to see his full name and birth and death year after seeing so many "strangers" over five seasons. Of course, it did start out with the father's accidental death in the very first show--but we didn't know him then. (He came back as a ghost/spirit thru the whole series--and they had his son Nate come back, too, after he died.)

They did kind of resolve most of the issues and conflicts to a great degree, which was nice. You knew it wasn't a fairy tale ending, but strides were made. At the very end they showed the daughter driving off to a job in New York--and as she drove a song played and showed snippets of the lives of all the main characters in the future and how they would die! And after each one, they'd go to the name and birth and death year. It was so bizarre to see deaths in like 2024, 2045, and 2083! And to see the characters old and how they died--and a couple of them being met by loved ones. Wow! I have never seen an ending to a series like that one! Thought provoking, universal, and made you think about how brief life really is. Has stuck with me today.

I worked on the next batch of birthday card parts last night too. One batch left to go. I think I told you I can't leave them on the table or Karma would walk or lay on them--and they do take a long time to dry. But after three loads of clothes, too, yesterday plus exercising--it's a pain pill R&R day today. :)

Thursday, January 11, 2007


Angel a Day--till I run out--hehe!

This is the wooden angel that watches over the craft area. :) Got her as a gift from my pen-pal friend Sue in Indiana.

I mentioned the new bookcases. This is the bookcase in the hallway that holds mostly beading supplies.
And this is an identical bookcase in the entryway that took the place of the short one (I sent over to Dagan and Leah). It holds cookbooks and craft stuff.
And I forgot to put up a picture of the wonderful new humidifier! No white powder!!! :):)
I decided that I'd post what I am working on with the birthday cards. What the heck!
And I had somebody ask about the Kombucha Mushroom Tea. I have two baby mushrooms in the back of the frig (in hibernation-hehe!), but I quit making the tea because it kept giving me more problems with diarrhea--and I sure don't need more troubles with that! hehe! If I get straightened out in that department with the Shaklee--I might try it later on.

I watched The Illusionist last night. It was pretty good. But I have to admit that I had it pretty much figured out from the get-go--so there was no suspense for me--but it was done well.

Set in early 1900s Vienna, Neil Burger's romantic thriller centers on illusionist extraordinaire Eisenheim (Edward Norton), who falls for an aristocrat (Jessica Biel) well above his social standing. When she becomes engaged to Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell), the master magician employs his powers to win her love. His daring scheme creates tumult within the monarchy and ignites the suspicion of Chief Inspector Uhl (Paul Giamatti).

I am just washing clothes tonight and working on cards a little and watching TV and Six Feet Under. Glad to be indoors and warm as it is below zero. Finally more normal temperatures for January, I guess. :)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Here is the book I've been reading and absolutely enthralled with! If the DVD arrives in time, Dagan, Leah, and I are planning on all watching it together Monday night. Not sure it will get here that fast-- though one can hope. It would be a good night for us to do that.

This is my newest book on the nightstand. I always have a book by the bed and this one looks like it might be very interesting! It's another bookcrossing book from the lady in Alaska and will be heading over to Jennifer after I am finished. I have a whole stack of books for Jennifer and this is the last one left to read. TaDa!!
I was so tired last night (because I only had 3 1/2 hours of sleep)---I was in bed by 8:45pm and slept until 9am! So nice to be a visitor on the day shift again. Hehe!

Bob, the building inspector, was here for my annual apartment check this afternoon. He is such a nice man! Even noticed my two new bookcases in the hallway. I showed off my new outdoor carpet on my "porch" and the little porch cage for Miss Gracie, too. He is such a bright and shining soul! He is the main inspector for Federal Housing for both Moorhead, Mn and Fargo, ND--so I have been seeing him every year for like 6 years now. He was surprised that I got as much as I did into this smaller apartment when I moved from the larger two-bedroom I had in Moorhead. It helps that I have six bookcases in here now! Crowded--but Karma, Gracie, and I don't mind.

The Shaklee order came this afternoon. Leah came and picked up the box after work. I had cut WAY back so that I could make the order to Polymer Clay Express this month (which should be coming soon, I hope!). Leah and I do our orders together so she gets more credits and we only pay one S&H cost. That sneaky, sneaky girl!! She went ahead and ordered me the protein powder and optiflora powder! I was going to just cut way back for a month on the amounts and use like 1/3 of what they suggest and if I ran out then I just ran out--till the February order came. She and Dagan decided to surprise me. They are so good to me! :)

I did my exercise DVD this afternoon. Yes--me--I am exercising!! Sparks is such a good incentive for me. It is just such a positive place and motivates me, I guess. I may only be able to do a few minutes for my 3X a week--but I am already lasting longer than I did to start with! I am using a Leslie Sansone DVD. She's the one who has the "Walk Away The Pounds" series. I am doing the one for seniors--that is how out of shape I am--LOLOL!!! Oh well--one has to start somewhere, right?

Oh--and I did order a pedometer from Shaklee that also arrived today. I am trying that out, too, to see how it works. Leah was going to let me borrow hers, but she couldn't locate it. I am hoping it will be incentive to exercise and walk more.

The last three DVDs of the last season of Six Feet Under came today! I have no idea if they knew they were going to be cancelled--so I don't know if they will kind of wrap it up at the end or not. I hope so. And--I was surprised that I got The Illusionist today, too! I lucked out! The newly released DVDs I usually have to wait quite a while for. TaDa!! So, I'll let you know if I like it or not. I am off right now to watch that first.

I had tried to post a blog for today earlier this afternoon and lost the whole thing! Then the site wasn't working after that for a while--so I sure hope it works this time? I think I should save them as drafts first from now on. :) Off to watch The Illusionist!

Stay positive!!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Yesterday I went to bed at dawn and slept late. Leah had a surprise for me! She and I went to a reflexologist! I have never been to one. Very painful at the time, but felt better after she was done. Hard to explain. Kind of like how when you're sore after exercising--you know it's a good sore. (I was shocked at the amount of pain I am carrying around in my feet!!) We made another set of appointments for Sunday the 21st in the afternoon. Then we'll go have Sacred Circle at Dagan and Leah's afterwards.

Before we went for the appointments, Leah cut my hair. Feels good to have the long straggly stuff cut off! It is shorter than it has been before when she's cut it, but I like it. Not even long enough to tie back--at all! hehe! I'm set for a while again now.

Have been reading "The Secret" and really getting excited about this whole concept!! Dagan ordered the DVD today and we'll all watch it together after it arrives. Leah is getting pretty excited about it, too. I hadthe book with to read while she had her appointment and then let her snoop thru the book while I had my session.

Basically it's about the Law of Attraction. The concept of what we send out to the Universe will come back--or what we are requesting will be delivered. Even if we aren't consciously aware we are asking for certain things--we are and then we are receiving them. Ask--believe--receive!

But--the Universe hears like a toddler (my interpretation). For example; if you tell a toddler--don't slam the door--they hear--slam the door. You're supposed to tell them--close the door gently. Then they will hear and picture close the door gently. Whatever you are focusing on--it will bring to you. Puts a whole new light on the inner mind chatter, doesn't it? If you hate your body--it will give you a body to hate. If you think about being overweight and needing to lose weight--it will give you overweight and weight you need to lose. The things we think about ourselves and the beliefs we have--will be given to us. If you are sending out negative feelings--it will bring you more negatives!

So--first you can start to concentrate on feeling positive and stating that your negative thoughts are weak and your positive thoughts are strong and powerful. If you feel negative--you attract negatives. If you feel positive--you attract positives. Law of Attraction. Like attracts like.

Leah and I are going to focus on visualizing ourselves at our perfect wieght and find pictures of us when we felt our best. We will "see" ourselves healthy, energetic, and the perfect weight for us. I'll let you know how it goes! :)

I am not even half way thru the book. There's so much to absorb that I just read a chapter at a time and think about it. I will be reading this book more than once, that's for sure!!

That's the basics of what I know so far--I'm sure I'll be chatting about LOA in the future here. :) I had heard of it, but hadn't done any reading on it. There are lots of other books out there on the subject--I know--I've seen them in the book catalogs I get.

So--that has been my main focus lately! Positives here I come! :) I have also been working on the birthday cards (which I can't put in pictures cause everybody would see them who gets them from me)--doing the exercise DVD, the meditation DVDs, and writing a letter. I am keeping up with what I settled on for goal tracking. :)

Keep smiling!!

Sunday, January 07, 2007


Quick today. I gave up on Thursday night with the trying to stay on days and am just trying to sleep eight hours--no matter when I sleep. And I have gotten 8 hours since then. Not as tired, either. So, I have been working on birthday cards a lot the past few days. Getting things done!

I already altered my goal tracking. Bit off more than I could chew--as usual. So, I am waiting on the things that don't have to do with my health (like working on the website, for example) and will get to them later. But, I am doing really well on the goals I am tracking.

Just a quick hello. Back to cards...

Friday, January 05, 2007


The sleep plan didn't go well last night. I laid down by 2am, but tossed and turned for a couple of hours. Shut off the alarm and slept till a little after noon. Exhaustion got the better of me. Such is my life. Seems like once I go back on my nights--just not a lot I can do about it. When I worked or was going to college, I drug myself thru the week and then collapsed on the weekends and slept and slept. Being a night owl can be a drag sometimes, I guess. I get tired of fighting it. When I did sleep, tho, I slept really well--so that is good. I have been sleeping better when I do sleep since I started on the Shaklee menopause complex. Not waking up quite as many times.

Anyways, been happy to have salads, deli sandwiches, and bananas! ahhhh! Love the beginning of the month!

I watched a charming movie last night--Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont.

Joan Plowright takes the title role in this heartwarming drama, based on the best-selling novel by the same name. After traveling to London to be closer to her 26-year-old grandson (Lorcan O'Toole), the recently widowed Mrs. Palfrey moves into a local hotel while she waits -- and waits -- for him to return her calls. But when fate introduces her to a kindly young writer (Rupert Friend), she finds the family she's always wanted.

And a very strange movie called Edmond. I love William Macy.

With a David Mamet play as its inspiration, Edmond stars William H. Macy as the titular character, a businessman who undergoes a personal revolution after he heeds a psychic's call to change his life. In his quest for fulfillment, he abandons his wife and children, initiating a nightmarish descent into a certain kind of hell, a dark and dangerous world he's never known but that may wind up owning his soul.

He does slide into a hellish situation, that's for sure!! That movie was as dark as the other one was light--hehe! That was my movie break. Now I'll be back to the last season of Six Feet Under. :) :)

Thursday, January 04, 2007


I bought Karma some healthier, natural cat food--salmon flavored--at this Natural Pet Store we didn't know was here (Leah and I went after the last chiro visit). Karma loves salmon, so I thought she'd love this healthier salmon-flavored food. Well, those of you who have followed this silly blog know that Karma likes to sit nearby the bowl and scoop out pieces of cat food with her paw and eat them one by one. Obviously, when she gets the "healthy" nuggets, she scoops out something else. What a stinker! I guess she isn't appreciating the healthier food any more than I am--hehe!

I did go shopping at Target last night with Dagan. Not exciting to buy paper towels, trash bags, toilet paper, paper plates, light bulbs and such--but the company was excellent, as usual! :)

Then, last night, I figured out my craft order from Polymer Clay Express. This order was actually made courtesy of my Christmas money!! Just took me a while and some planning. I am excited! The majority of the order was for things to go with the Melting Pot--but I did order a couple other things, too, for card making. And the molds that I ordered can be used for the melting pot, polymer clay, and possibly for handmade paper--not sure, but I will have to check it out. :)

I am still managing to be in bed by my 2am deadline--even if I just lie there--and start hitting the snooze at 9am, but I am very tired. Sooner or later that should cause me to go to bed really early, right? That is the plan. Being a night owl--I automatically wake up again, even if I am tired, late at night. Just like a morning person would automatically wake up even if they went to bed late. Was very hard to get up today--but I am sticking to this for now and going to see if it will work. :)

Off to check mail. They have been coming later in the day, I guess. So, I don't bother to go check till around 2pm or so.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Wednesday- 2 pm

Here's a picture of my fancy German made Holtkotter lamp. Bought this when I lived/worked at Lee Square and could finally afford a really good reading lamp! I got it on sale for around $325 (?) and I see now they're on sale for around $460.00!! Who would have ever thought a floor lamp could appreciate in value??!!

The frosted elliptical shade cracked where it gets attached. I'll have to be extra careful when I change bulbs and not to try to screw the post on too tight! I just got an email back from this lady in Boston from Neena's Lighting Design and the shade would be $15.00. That is not too bad. I actually expected it to be more, so I will probably check another place or two and get the cheapest replacement that I can, of course. From the last angle it looks like a two-headed lamp! Hehe! This is my makeshift substitute for the time being. I am so spolied! I am used to being able to use the dimmer switch the brass lamp has, too. Anyways, that is myHoltkotter lamp--that I love dearly, being an avid reader and writer. :)

I have so many goals I am tracking on Sparks! Daily--tracking calories, my Shaklee supplements, drink 8 glasses of water, do a quick response to the "healthy reflections" email I get every day from Sparks on my Sparks journal, get to bed by 2am, and be up by 10am. Once a week--learn something new (for the challenge I signed up for), Artist's Date (from The Artist's Way book), work on the Dark Side of The Light Chasers book, get back to my writing-writing, and work on my sorry website--hehe! (These are the more optional ones to keep up with if I get overwhelmed by the rest of it--ha!) Three times a week I will try to exercise and do some kind of meditation or connecting (for the challenge). That is a lot. Some I am pretty much in the habit of already--tracking them just assures me I won't forget them at all. If I end up putting a couple optionals on hold and finishing them later--fine. Just so I do them this year. :)

Well, Dagan is coming over after work. [I get my laptop back today! Leah actually got quite a few of the videos watched, last I heard, for the deal from Renae for free Shaklee. Good!! ] Dagan is taking me shopping for dry goods. I haven't decided yet if I actually want to go to WalMart to save the little extra money (I know they were always cheaper on the paper goods, etc) or go to Target. I am just not fond of WalMart after working there and basically having them lie to me. I was hired to work full-time--but after the Christmas season I was cut back to 6 hours a week!! And that was over three days!!! Was then told by other employees that they do that every winter. Even the manager of the jewelry department where I worked was cut back on her hours every winter. Well, I lived alone and needed a paycheck! Needless to say, but I will repeat it---I am not fond of WalMart. Poor as I am, I will probably go to Target. My pocketbook may give a tug toward WalMart, but my heart pulls me to Target--hehe!

Well, I have food in the house again!! CashWise was just here and I just finished putting everything away. Karma played in the empty bags for a while. We are listening to the sound of the little plow working away in the parking lot. I have been slowly working on birthday cards a little every night. Last night I didn't do too much, tho. Maria came for a quick visit. She might be coming over every Tuesday night for a while. That will be nice!

Now I am off to check the mail... :)

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Caroline came to clean this afternoon. I asked her if she can come back next Tuesday, too, since she missed a week. I have my annual apartment inspection on Wednesday (Federal Government). She said that was just fine with her.

Maria, my former Spanish teacher when I was at Concordia, is coming by tonight during her son's game practice time. Be nice to see her again--been a while.

I cleaned the entire curio cabinet yesterday where I keep a lot of the crystals and bells and such. Got everything put away again. Changed things around a bit. I'll have to try not to let things get so dusty--hehe!

Washed clothes. Did a meditation/connecting session and exercised, believe it or not. Not for long but, if I do this three times a week, I will improve. Worked on the birthday cards. Decided to do different versions for male and female. Was working on the darker male cards last night. I did well on my list of goals for the new year--but it is always easier to begin with--hehe! Ask me a month from now!

The frosted elliptical shade on my floor lamp was cracked. When Caroline went to move it today it finally broke. I had been online a while ago looking for a place to contact to buy a replacement and bulbs. Guess I need to go ahead and contact somebody now. It's a fancy brass lamp from Germany and I bet that little part is going to cost me--hehe! Oh well. Since the bulb went out I have had to wrap my funny Tweety Bird lamp around and over it so I have light by my chair. That will have to do for a while, I think. But now I don't have a lamp for crafts at the table. I wonder if Leah has anything I could borrow? Hummmm???

Anyways, I hope the new year is going well for everybody? Going really well up here in Fargo!! :)

Monday, January 01, 2007

New Year's Day-2pm

I had a wonderful New Year's Eve!! I worked on my goals and plans for 2007 all evening. Even set up to track them on my Sparks goals page online--cool! I love the free programs I get on Sparks!

I put on my favorite CD--Music To Disappear In. Decided to gather up all my "stuff" so it could all get a good dose on energy and get kind of revitalized. A lot of it has just been sitting around someplace in the apartment since I moved here and was actually covered with dust (and probably the white powder!). I washed things off, lit the candles, and took some time to just connect/meditate. I sounded the Tibetan bowl, Tibetan bell, ting shaws, and the chime--one by one. (Freaks out Karma and Gracie a little--hehe!)

I picked an angel card. Asked what it was that I really needed to focus on--the core issue--to help me succeed this year with my plans and goals. I got the "Self-Worth" card!! So appropriate!!

The copper bowl is my burning bowl. My God Jar with the green bow was filled with little pieces of paper that I burned one by one and sent off to The Universe. There were a lot of them for other people this year. :) Then I took time to send energy to a few people. Next I took my little notebook where I have written down prayers for peace from all kinds of world religions--and read them out loud. And, lastly, I started to read "The Secret"--the book that came in the mail a couple days ago.

"The Secret" is all about the Universal Law of Attraction, which I have heard of but haven't read that much about yet. Very interesting right off the bat! Makes you very aware of what you are thinking!! The Universe gives us what we focus on and think about--that is the Law of Attraction. But--just like a toddler (my interpretation), it only hears the positives. If you are thinking, for example--I don't want to be overweight or I will not be overweight--it will hear "be overweight". Just like a very young child--if you say don't slam the door, they hear "slam the door"! hehe! Don't eat that cookie--they hear and picture "eat that cookie" and miss the don't. Hummmm???? I have read about this method with toddlers and that is why that comparison came to me. They tell you instead of saying don't slam the door, you are supposed to say close the door gently, please. Puts a different picture in their mind. Apparently The Universe thinks like a toddler??

So, you are supposed to think about and visualize the positive side of things. Like I will lose weight--and it will hear "lose weight"?? We are thinking things in our heads all the time--and we are so used to thinking a certain way. I am really curious to find out if I can change my way of thinking. (Now--The Universe should have heard "change my way of thinking", right? hehe!) I am definitely going to keep reading. I think I want to see the movie!!

Happy New Year and much success and positve thinking for 2007!!