June 30, 2025 Monday--5am

Good morning!

Gradually feeling better physically.  We've had rain here and there...some brief thunderstorms.

Keanna came to clean on Tuesday and after she left I changed the shower curtain--lol!  Brighter and wildflowers this time. :)

Allie keeps me company when I am working up at the table.

Cats always sleep so peacefully.  I have cat-sleep-envy.

Dagan came by to drop off some groceries Wednesday night.  He stayed to chat a while.  Were talking about what's left to do before the move.  He suggested we should just decide on a mover and set a moving date to push them to get all the final things done.  Great!  Since we don't have to move right at the end of a month it will probably be easier to get movers scheduled for during the month.  So mid-July or mid-August...I don't care.  I just want a date!  Dagan said Leah hadn't researched movers yet, but he'd talk to her about it.  

After he left I kept thinking about how stagnant I have felt for so long!  My life has been on pause, you know?  Well, I made the decision to pack up the rest of the studio.  I have had no creative momentum anyways, for goodness sakes.  I can keep something little out for if I get antsy--like the colorbooks.  But I don't think I would need to really.  Because I got excited about packing!!  Just HAVING SOMETHING TO DO!!!

I already have drug into the studio the two bigger boxes...

...from behind the bedroom door.  (I will need some more of the smallest ones from the garage.)

My first baby step will be packing up these metal paper racks...hence the biggest boxes we had gotten long ago.

I told Dagan and Leah about my decision to pack up the rest of the studio...and that I also wanted to make it over there this weekend because I'm doing better.  Dagan had said they were planning on mounting the TV onto the wall on the weekend.  Said Sunday would be best for me to come because they had Chris and Robin coming over on Saturday.  Okie dokie.

So, I had to not overdo before Sunday.  Knew I'd be shot and sore on Monday...so will start actually packing again probably on Tuesday...or Wednesday.  Whenever I feel decent.  But it will be this week.  I know how very slow I am and how little I can do at a time (baby steps).  I have had 16 months of practice.  But deciding to take some action has lifted my spirits considerably just to know I have something constructive to do.  Forward movement, you know?  I have been really low the past few months...between health stuff, the not moving, and politics...AWK!  Life has been quite gray and lifeless.

We had some cooler weather for several days.  Was so nice!  Hot days and storms, too.  But when the patio door can be opened...Miss Allie is right there.  She will miss this.

Me, too.  I'll miss the Critter Cafe all winter.

Another thunderstorm came through on Saturday and cooled it off a bit.

Much to my surprise...Leah texted me asking how much room I needed under the TV for my DVD player and VHS player.  They were mounting the TV.  I thought it was just her and Dagan doing it.

Then she sent me another picture.  Chris had brought his fancy laser level!

They were working on that all afternoon.  The new bigger TV is up on the wall!!

TaDa!!

And my shower bench was put together!

It will probably go on one end or the other and not in the middle, but I'll find out when I'm actually using it.  :)

And they got together the little chair/step stool (library chair) that I bought to help Allie be able to get up on the dresser by the window...and also for me in case I need to escape out the window well one day. ;)

Have you seen these before?  You flip them and they turn into some steps.  I'll take a picture when I am there on Sunday.  :)

There were lots of texts and photos going back and forth.  Leah even letting me decide where the toilet roll holder should go--lol!

I'm not sure what all they got done.  I am writing this late on Saturday night because I am heading over tomorrow afternoon and will be really tired and sore when I get home.  I will have more pictures, of course...but we'll see how exhausted I am.  Otherwise I'll show them next week.

I've been slowly purging clothes since I switched from winter to summer clothes and have this huge trash bag full of clothes and other donations.  Too heavy for me to carry so it is in the bedroom.  When they come over to pick me up on Sunday I warned them I had donations and such to go to the garage.

I have some other things to go to the garage in the pantry.  The white trash bag has Christmas stuff to keep.  The rest are donations.

I also need some more of the smallest packing boxes to be brought inside from the garage...and we need to load up the rug I used to have in the studio here that's rolled up out in the garage so we can see if it would work over there or not.  If not--can donate that, too.

We have furniture to get in final positions to attach to the walls.  I've taken a bunch of measurements of things here to see if they will fit and where...like the hooks in my hallway...

...and my beloved magnetic chalkboard, for example!  :)

Well, if there are no more pictures...you'll know I was way too shot to add them when I got home Sunday night and just set this to post Monday morning.

Miss Allie is still keeping an eye on me, but isn't as concerned as she was.  She can tell I am feeling a little better every day.  But if I get up to do weird things like point my phone around the place...this is the look I get.

Wait till I start packing this week!  She's forgotten what that was like--lol!  Haven't been doing that for a year and a half!  Does make me a bit more interesting, though.  Our life is generally so quiet and uneventful--lol! 

        .........................................................................

Turned out I didn't go over there.  They were shopping at Costco and pretty busy.  So they stopped over here for a while so they could bring things to the garage, bring in small packing boxes, and load up the rug I want to try in the studio.  We did talk about the move.  They agreed...mid-July or mid-August.  I don't care.  I just want a date.  Dagan is checking into the movers, so maybe I will hear pretty soon?

Since I am going to be packing up the rest of the studio and piling boxes in front of the first wall of boxes in the bedroom, I asked them to re-tape the boxes on top where the tape had dried up and the boxes popped open.  Got them all re-taped.  (I've been trying to avoid climbing stools.)

Then they started to tape the packing boxes together for me.

Nice!

I even took pictures down off the walls.

Which Allie had to inspect, of course.

So...it turned out to be a productive day after all.  I didn't do a lot...so plan to start with packing the studio today--Monday!

I hope I get a lot done this week.  I hope we get a moving date soon!  I hope this move will actually happen...for real!

“Hope” is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

--Emily Dickinson

Till next time.  Thank you for being on this long strange journey with me.  We may finally reach the end...and there will finally be a new beginning.  :)

June 23, 2025 Monday--5am

Good morning!

Another recovery week for me.

Stitches out on Thursday.  This was before I left.

This was after I got home.  I forgot to ask the lady to count the stitches, but I think there were 21.  If you count the long running stitch across the top as separate stitches.

Upper lip still protruding and drooping on that side...and cheek is swollen.  Numb in several places.  Like when you come home from the dentist and it's hard to drink because you can't feel half your lip and part of your cheek.  Nerves have to reprogram.  They are zipping and zapping about so that's a good sign, I would think.  Not sure how much is swelling and how much is the moved harder skin graft, actually.  Time will tell.  But I think she did a decent job.  It should look better in a couple of weeks, I would think.  All new to me--lol!

That same night we had a wicked thunderstorm come through around midnight.  I was pretty well shot and had just gone to sleep when the storm was hitting.  Didn't hear the later tornado sirens, but there were three people killed west of Fargo.  High winds in town here.  

McFamily...Leah said they heard the next-door neighbor's trampoline bang into the house!

The trampoline was from that grey house in the center back there.

They're sooo lucky it hit the drain pipe (really dented, twisted, and flattened it) instead of the siding or a window!

[Note: The neighbors carried it home the next day...destroyed...bent up and has holes.  They had to dismantle it.  Done for!]

Anyways, was definitely time to grab the boys and head downstairs for a good hour till the storm passed.  They were sitting around on my living room carpet--lol!  Was even hail, I guess.  I slept through it all...even with Leah texting me one time--lol!  When I didn't answer they figured I might be asleep.  Yup!

The next day they noticed this protection screen contraption that Ian had over his beets in the garden bed to save them from the birds had completely blow away.  (Yes, "his" beets...he loves beets but no one else can stand them.)  Couldn't find it anywhere.  But then later Ian spied what looked like it way over in the field behind their house.

Yes!  Rescued and was okay.  So they were very, very lucky only the drain pipe was damaged.  Things got blown about quite a bit but were all okay--chairs and such.  :)

They go every so often to see a movie on Tuesday nights when they have kids movies.  It was How To Train Your Dragon last week...with free paper Viking-like helmets!

BUT...because it was Ian's birthday and they had his birthday party at the house on Sunday...(Leah makes the cutest cakes!)...

...after the party they went for another movie!  Elio!  Was a 3D movie.  Leah said it was a good one.  Said I would probably like it.  I'll keep an eye out for it on streaming.

Along with the other pictures she sent I found this one she took of the front of my building to show me they had repainted the parking lot...and added another handicapped parking space (kind of in the center next to the striped lines).  So now that is all the room there is for anyone to pull in to pick someone up or drop them off if the cars are parked on either side.  Hardly room for a car--let alone if they have a walker or a wheelchair.  Oh well.  Nothing we can do about it.  They didn't plan ahead very well.

Anyways, not much happening here.  R&R.  Nothing else happened on the apartment yet.  And then there's too much happening out in the world.  I haven't been feeling decent enough to make it over to the house yet, either.  (Still recovering from antibiotics--lol!)  Not much to say.  Been another week of pajama days--lol!  Just how life is for now.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed and beaten down still.  A very short newsletter this week. 

 

Oh, can't leave without a picture of Allie spying between the blinds one night.  She loves to watch the rabbits running around in the dark.

Anyways, till next time...the very, very best to you!!

June 16, 2025 Monday--5am

Well, surprise surprise!  This surgery was not what I expected.  Has been no walk in the park, for sure--lol!  For those of you who are squeamish about seeing stitches and such...might as well skip this post.

What used to be just a pink blob has never healed since that young guy took the biopsy chunks.  This was the before picture I took the day of surgery. 

This was the after when I just got home and was still full of Novocain or whatever they used to numb me up...over and over again.

Little did I know they were going to do a skin graft...on skin from my face!?  Those horrible shots...I had a buttload of them!  Thank goodness this chair had arms I could grip!  This lady surgeon told me right off the bat, though, to not hold my breath and to breathe puffs of air through my mouth to help with the pain--kind of like women do in Lamaze.  That did help.  I was bleeding a lot.  Even down my neck.  At one point there were four people in there Leah said.  She was waiting outside the door when they cut the blob off.  Because the surgery lights were so bright they laid something over my eyes to protect them, so I never really saw anything, but they were a crew that worked together like an efficient unit and laughed and chatted the entire time.  Oh, and when she started...I needed more shots because I could feel it on my cheek side and under my nose.  I have the same problem at the dentist because my nerves don't travel the usual pathways, I guess.  

Anyways, they finished removing it, bandaged me up, and Leah could come back in to sit with me while we waited to hear if they got it all.  I was kind of shocky.  Cold, got the shivers, my hands wouldn't stop shaking.  Leah asked the nurse for a blanket for me and that helped.  We waited for a good amount of time to hear if all the microscopic cancer was not at the edges of what she had removed.  If it wasn't all gone then I needed additional scraping and another wait.  Repeat as needed, you know.  I knew I'd need more Novocain because it was already wearing off (which is why I don't think it was the same kind they use at the dentist's).  

They came back and said she had gotten it all!  Leah and I were so excited.  I thought now they'd just throw in a few stitches and I'd be on my way.  Ha!  They sent Leah to the lobby for this one because it would be a good while.  This is when I found out I was having like reconstructive surgery.  Plastic surgery--cutting out a piece of skin and "flipping" it over to cover the hole??  (Couldn't picture it...still can't even when I am looking at it.)  

The surgeon first drew in on my face where the top of my upper lip was and where the crease went down my cheek--the laugh line.  They gave me shots again all around and now down my cheek...felt like half my face.  Lots of Lamaze breathing and gripping of the chair arms again.  Placed the cloth over my eyes and a very long process began.  Once again I could feel things over on the cheek side...more shots.  I thought they were getting done and then she said something about how now they would start the surface stitching or something like that?  Goodness!  

But she seemed to really know what she was doing.  They chatted and laughed most of the time.  I heard her telling the nurse/nurses how much she loved doing surgery.  Said it was because you never knew how things were going to work out when you started.  She loved the challenge of how to put the puzzle pieces together.  They seemed to forget about me and that I was wide awake--lol!  Was nice to hear later when she was done that it had all come together very well.  She said she was glad I had a good space between my laugh line and my lip and had a deep laugh line.  But when they took off the cloth from my eyes, were taking more pictures (they had before, during, and after photos), and the nurse asked me if I wanted to see what it looked like...I said "I'll see it soon enough".  The surgeon leaned over and looked me in the eyes and said..."you won't look the same".

I wasn't sure if she was warning me about how awful the stitches and all was going to look or that I wouldn't recognize myself when it was all healed up--lol!  Very odd.

Anyways, one nurse spent quite a while cleaning up around the wound--even got all the blood down my neck.  She said she'd clean it up the best she could.  They bandaged me up, as above.  Told me I was to leave the bandages on for two days, take seven days of antibiotics, and get the stitches out in ten days.  Liquid diet for two days (but I could have soft foods like yogurt or applesauce) and try not to move my mouth.  They stressed the not moving my mouth several times to let the stitches heal properly.

Three hours and fifteen minutes we were going out the door.

Leah dropped me off and went home to do her magic.  She made me a bunch of little containers of chocolate mousse, vanilla mousse, pudding, and cheesecake filling.  Soft foods.  Comfort foods for those of us with a sweet tooth. ;)

Brought cartons of half and half...

...to use to make protein shakes!  She even brought a couple shakers, too.

Allie has known something is wrong with me...yet again.  She has been on vigil duties.

Keanna came to clean on Tuesday.  It wasn't the first time all I could do is throw on a robe and walk down to let her in--but I probably looked the most jarring to the senses--lol!  I had been slowly bleeding under the bandages and into my mouth in that corner under the bandage until it finally stopped Tuesday evening.

After Keanna left I switched curtains to cheer me up.

I had washed clothes, but never got them hung and put away for days.  Allie didn't mind.  She snoozed on them on the table--lol!

I was unable to eat the soft foods.  I tried.  But I could feel it pulling on the stitches when I opened my mouth far enough for a spoon.  Leah took the beef soup I had leftover in my frig and pureed the heck out of it so I could drink it with a straw.

It was nothing but straws till Wednesday late at night.  (Still actually basically using straws--I think because of those stitches so close to the corner of my mouth--don't want to pull on them.)  Was only able to eat soft foods after Wednesday because Leah brought over some baby spoons she never got rid of--lol!  They work well.  She had come over to be here when I took the bandages off.  

I had bled so much that they seemed surprised during surgery with the down the neck part, there was a whole lot of dabbing by the nurse while the surgeon was working, and they had to stop and do pressure holding several times.  When I read about removing the bandages in the pages of info they sent home with me...well, it said if there was bleeding that wouldn't stop you needed to do pressure for 20 minutes.  Even said to set a timer and not let up on the pressure--repeat if necessary--if still bleeding to go to urgent care.  Suggested to have someone else there who could apply pressure if needed.  So I told Leah about that and she came by after work.  

There wasn't any bleeding, thank goodness.  But man!  So much blood clotting that I couldn't even count the number of stitches.  Just that one above line had around 14, though.  My lip was more swollen as the days went by.  Could hardly close my mouth for the pictures Leah took.

Leah did the gooping and bandaging.  She came by every day through Saturday to rebandage and to also drop something off.  After that I told her I'd take over bandage changing duties.  I could have earlier, but Leah had to bring something by every day anyways and wanted to do it for me.  Am I blessed or what?!

By Thursday I was having a reaction to even the paper tape.  Red rash and even spots that look like blood spots on my cheek.  Leah had a couple other brands of paper tape for me to try.  We already know I react to normal adhesive tapes they use.  I guess I've never had the paper tape on long enough or it was the brand of paper tape?  We'll see.  I'll have the stitches out on Thursday, regardless.  Then I might not need to use tape or maybe only at night?  I hope.

So, it's been just a week of recovery.  All I got done was to finally get all the laundry hung and put away. 

 I haven't had to worry about food.  Leah's goodies aren't gone.  Friday night I couldn't stand not having solid food anymore.  I made a grilled cheese and cut it into little pieces I could chew on one side of my mouth.  Best grilled cheese ever!  I hadn't eaten solid food since Sunday lunchtime the week before.

One last gross recent picture for you.  Hard to see but the inside of my lips on the surgery side are bruised bloody red and my upper lip is still quite swollen.  Ugly bruising turning yellow down my neck.  I am quite the sight!  

Oh, and even showering...I am not supposed to rub on the stitches and they are also to be constantly covered in this Vaseline-type goop...so the blood clots still remain.  Probably will still be there when I get the stitches out. 

But I honestly think when the stitches are out and this has healed up...I don't think it is going to look that bad.  They told me could take maybe a month before it is back close to normal and up to a year before I have all the sensation back...things like that.  Whatever.  One day at a time.  I am glad to have this over with...or close to it.  Just stitches left to get taken out on Thursday.  Maybe I'll get a final count--lol!  And diarrhea to get over from the antibiotics.  Naturally.  You didn't think I'd get by without that side effect--lol!  All that goriness--you're probably not so glad now that I came back--ROFL!

 

So, that was my week.  I am hanging in there.  Sleeping more than usual.  

 

Horrific assassinations and attempts on Minnesotan politicians...my home state,,,where lives my heart.  Was a joy to see how many millions of people were out letting their voices be heard on Saturday!  And especially to see that the Minnesotans came out en masse even after being warned not to protest because the assassin was still on the loose.  Gives me hope!  

May you all have a good week without any surprises--lol!  Thanks for all your well wishes and kindness.  The world needs more of you!!  Till next week...love and hugs from Fargo.  :)