February 22, 2026 Sunday

Greetings!

McFamily came home late Tuesday night.  They are leaving for Minneapolis again on Wednesday.  Dagan's pacemaker is almost out of juice so they are going back down so he can get a replacement once again.  I don't think any of us remember how many pacemakers he's had since he was twelve.  He'll be having surgery Thursday morning.  Not sure when they'll be driving back.  Depends on how he does and sometimes to be on the safe side they don't want him to leave town for a while since he lives so far away.  (It's a good 250-260 mile drive.) 

When I was upstairs keeping Blink company last weekend I took a picture of the back yard to show you how little snow we had left after the brief warm spell.

I figured out a crazy way to show you my swollen hand.  Used a cell phone holder and a stylus between my teeth to press the button--lol!  May be hard to tell but my right hand has swollen up since the IV.  Just had a slight swelling at the base of my first finger before the surgery.  (And I thought that hurt enough--lol!)

But you can see how badly swollen it is.  Can't stretch it out straight right now.  Hurts to use it for anything.  And it's my dominant hand, of course.

Just wanted to show you that I am not exaggerating as to what I am up against as far as typing and handwriting...and that's not even counting the watery eye--lol!  

We had another winter storm.  The view from the basement after about half an hour.

By the next morning.

I never heard how many inches we got.

Anyways, Monday I go back for a follow-up on my eye.  Bright light (and not what I would have previously considered all that bright--lol!) still makes my eye water more.  The brighter the more it runs down my cheek and the more it hurts.  It is still sore to the touch, but not as sore as it was.  Be interested to see if they have any suggestions as to what else can be done or should we just continue to wait and hope it clears up eventually.  I think it will.  Eventually.  Meanwhile, I am happy for cloudy dark days and live in dimmed lights or half-darkness down here.

I have had so much enforced, unexpected inactivity recently...been thinking a lot about my soul...my path.  The intensity of this past year, especially, has really weighed heavily and I've been carrying so much negative energy.  I haven't felt like myself.  The endless threats, worry, judgement, disrespect, sorrow, shock, embarrassment, shame, anger, disbelief, violence, disgust, pain, and death can creep into your soul.  I think I have even been carrying it in my body.

I grew up in a time where we learned in grade school how to hide under our desks in a ball and cover our heads to protect us from an atomic bomb.  (Even as a child I thought that was a ridiculous defense.)  In junior high they shot the president.  In high school I ate dinner every night to the sounds of helicopter blades and gunfire and bombs as my folks always watched the news.  Vietnam was the first televised war.  There were protests about the war, women's rights, civil rights.  I graduated in June of 1968 and was snatched off the street walking home from a beach dance and was beaten and raped in July.  Many times when I was growing up I wondered if it was the end of this country and everything I knew.  But we survived.  I have tremendous faith in humanity.  We have failed and risen again so many times.

So, crazy as it sounds, I went back and watched 1968: The Year That Changed America.  I saw it on HBO max.  Prime has it--but only to rent.  I don't know where else one can find it.  But I watched all four episodes.  I cried.  As I did back then.  But I had always believed that even if things fell apart that people would find a way to build again, you know?  People--humanity--would never give up.  They never have.  Not in the long run.  There has always been a battle down here on this earth between love and hate--positives and negatives--good and evil--compassion and cruelty--however you want to label it.  I have always believed that we are here to choose...to try to live the best life we can...to be the best person we can be.  Each day...we choose.  

I have let despair and disgust and fear creep into my days.  I am not proud of myself.  We humans can be such a weak lot.  Need to kick myself in the butt and refocus.  If I let all of that weigh me down and become a part of me--then hate wins...negatives win!  I am adding to their side!  I watched all the neighbors helping neighbors in Minnesota and it made my heart soar!  THAT is who we are!  THAT is the core of humanity I believe in and have faith in.  All I have to do is hold tight to my core belief that love is stronger than hate...and more precious and beautiful.  It is the side of us we can be proud of...aspire to.  They were beacons of holy light in the darkness. 

I choose.  

It won't be easy.  Hate is loud and cruel.  But I am just glad I realized I had to make a more definite choice.  That it is just a choice I have to make for my own soul.  Maybe all this division all over the earth is part of a huge shift in this earth energy.  If so--I believe we can heal.  I believe we can learn a better way.   Each soul is precious.  We are all imperfect.  We truly are all in this together.

So--that is how I have been spending some of my forced inactive time.  Well spent, though.  I can feel it growing like a seed in my chest.  I have always said that it is not what we do in this life or how long we are here that is the most important.  It is who we are--what kind of a person we have chosen to be.  Now--walk the talk, baby!  I feel this has been a long, drawn-out test for my soul.  More intensely since becoming disabled honestly.  Been a long slow process of baby step insights--lol!  Well, I will work on my soul.  I promise.  It's been a lifelong job...that doesn't end till it ends.  (And even then, I may be back for all I know--lol!)

Meanwhile, Allie appreciates the little things in life.   

Watching fish swimming in a Game of Thrones fish tank--lol!  Reminds me of the years I spent in pet shops.  Ran the fish departments in a couple places.

I realize this is my own personal spiritual journey, but I always do tell you what is going on in my life.  Whatever that is.  Let's just say it has been a contemplative last couple of weeks--lol!  I am feeling the slow lifting of a weight in my chest...and that is a good thing.  I just have to keep remembering to make choices all the time.  ;)  I believe it will get easier.  I know what side I have chosen.  ;)

Till next week.  You are blessed to me.  Sending love and hugs from Fargo!  :) :)

February 15, 2026 Sunday

Greetings!

Finished the steroid drops on Thursday.  Eye still watering like crazy most of the time.  Not worse, but not better.  I go back for a checkup Monday the 23rd.  If it seems to be getting any worse, I will call to get in earlier.  But I have to admit that this eye thing is really getting me down.  Allie is a good companion.    

I have been quite the boring companion for her lately.  So, I at least...

... put on CatTV for her.  She also loves the ones with peaceful music.  

Puts both of us to sleep a lot--lol!

Wednesday I had packages arrive.  Leah brought down the bag of kitty litter and dumped it into the container for me.  She also put together some tuna salad and changed my shower curtain for me!

Called the boys down to see what I found.  Magnetic 3D frogs!

They found places for the set of four.

That was about all the excitement for this past week.  (Must have been a fairly boring Superbowl game as it was pretty quiet upstairs last Sunday-lol!)  Been extra quiet here lately.  McFamily headed down to Minneapolis on Friday for Dagan's heart checkup and won't be home till Tuesday.  I have gone upstairs to spend a little time with Blink and will again.  

I am rather in the dumps not being able to do much of anything I am used to doing.  When life gets so limiting you really appreciate what you could do, for sure.  Since I had the IV in my hand the joints have swollen up a lot more and my dominant hand usage is less, too.  Toe joints swollen and painful, too.  Hobble about.  (And, no, don't have diabetes.)  My ear still hurts quite a bit at times.  Nerve not healed yet, I guess.  Jaw is better.  I have found keeping a cool, damp cloth in a bowl next to me to set below my eye quite often helps with the watering a bit.  Well, I don't know if t helps.  Just feels good and I've got to wipe my cheek anyways.  

I've been watching lots of good shows.  Rewatching Cadfael right now on Britbox.  (Loved Derek Jacobi in I, Claudius, too.)  I tried audio books but fell asleep faster just listening and not at least trying to peek at the screen--lol!  I think I am just bored and in the dumps.  So, I am extra grateful to those of you who have commented on my blog, emailed, and sent letters even though you know it will take a while till I can write back.  I can enlarge comments and emails so I can read them more easily and I do have a good-sized magnifying glass.  :)  And some of you have even written more than once!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I have been reading your blogs, comments, emails, and letters.  Feels weird for it to be so one-sided.  I feel so cut off.  But it's so wonderful to know you're not forgotten.  I appreciate every word.  :)  Things should turn around soon...well, am still hopeful.  Till next week. 

February 8, 2026 Sunday

Greetings!  Another week with little to say.  The oral surgery went well Wednesday.  Got out of there in plenty of time before the boys came home.  The worst of it was getting the IV in.  The lady tried twice on my left arm and then went over and ended up using my right hand...pressing hard...and putting it into the swollen red arthritic joint at the base of my first finger.  (Still hurts more.) 

 

I think it was because I wasn't supposed to drink or eat anything for 6 hours before--which meant I hadn't had anything to drink since the night before.  I think I was dehydrated because I've never had troubles with all the many IVs and blood draws I've had these past few years. (Except for that one young guy who wasn't allowed to poke anybody more than two times--but I think that was inexperience--lol!)  Anyways...thank goodness I was out for the rest of it--lol!  

Been another recovery week--lol!  Ear was noticeably less painful even right after.  Jaw swelling is 

going down along with pain.  Still sticking with soft foods.  

Allie catching some rays.

The boys were down in the window well playing one day.  I had the shade down and I must have been sleeping.

I took the orange memory foam cushion out of the cubby hole in the cat tree as Allie never sits in there and put it back under hercat bed on the red chair.  Allie must have missed it!  She's preferred sleeping there all week--lol!

I asked Liam if he wanted to come down to help me with taking down Christmas cards.  Well, you know how he loves the magnets...he was down here in a flash.  The frig looks quite empty now by comparison to both sides being full.  But then I got a February card right after from Ann!  Always enjoy her handmade cards.  :)

Things are gradually improving.  I really miss the use of my sight, though.  Am hopeful things will keep improving.  R&R for me.  It will get noisier upstairs tonight.  Dagan and Leah always host a Superbowl Party.  Me.  I don't even know who is playing.  Pay no attention to sports rally--lol!   I know they will enjoy themselves.  I plan to watch the new season of Father Brown on BritBox.  I will enjoy myself also--lol!  Til next week.  Hope you enjoy the whole week!  

[Note:  I hit some key again this time and couldn't fix the sentences or spacing.  Not sure what I hit by accident due to depth perception being bad,  I'm sure I have more mistakes, but eye is having a cloudy day so I hope you can figure out what I meant--LOL!]

February 1, 2026 Sunday

Greetings!

Quick one again, but some good news this week!  :)

Spent the week in semi darkness whenever possible, as usual these days.

Have to peek at the snow sculptures every day, though--lol!

Monday--eye doctor.  Finally starting to see improvement enough that she kept me on the same steroid decrease schedule.  If it gets worse supposed to call right away.  Go back in a month.  Fingers crossed!

I had ordered an eye patch.  Some days I can't wear it because it rubs on my eye to much no matter how much I try to move it around.  I think I need a more dome shaped one like I had after my cataract surgery--lol!

Woke Allie up when she was sleeping.  Hard to sneak up on a cat.  ;)

Wednesday--Dr. Failing, oncologist.  All good.  Can go for a year and after two years we can quit getting rechecks!!  (If all goes well, of course.)  As we were waiting for the valet parking a lady in a wheelchair rolled up to Leah and I in the waiting room and handed each of us a little folded up piece of paper.  She told us it was something from tick tock she saw about giving people little messages from a stranger.  She continued to hand them out to other people in the waiting room.  We couldn't read them until she wasn't around, she said.  Leah's was yellow and mine was green.  That was a sweet thing.

I had cancelled my DMV appointment.  Leah needed to be able to fly this week for work and didn't want to wait till the last minute so she rescheduled hers for Monday early before work.  Then there was no point in me making a solo trip when I wouldn't pass an eye test right now anyways.  My birthday isn't till the end of March so I have a while if they really do give you a year.  I'm not worried about it since I haven't driven for years anyways and could always get a ND non-driver ID.  I can wait to go later when I can (hopefully) at least see to pass an eye exam--lol!

I already got a bunch of review paperwork from ND.  I had been working on those forms for two days and hadn't gotten halfway through it all.  Leah volunteered to come down and help me by filling out the rest.  She even vacuumed for me and did a couple other things.  

I realized on Friday while rereading the surgery information that Dagan might not be able to stay the entire time I am at the oral surgeon's on Wednesday.  Didn't know Leah was going to be out of town and the boys come home from school at 3pm.  My appointment is at 1pm.  If I am not ready to leave by about 2:30 he would have to go home, pick up the boys and come back to pick me up.  They make a big point of saying you need a driver and they must stay there the entire time.  So I sent the oral surgeon a text to let them know the situation.  He wouldn't be gone long but, if it was a rule of theirs, I wanted to know if I'd be done by then, or could I come in earlier, or would it matter?  Good grief.  I've never had a problem being put under.  But the information mentioned that specifically twice.  Something must have happened sometime along the way.  Maybe I should have asked if I could sign a release form--lol!  Anyways, I hope that doesn't interfere with the plan.  I've waited long enough to have this tooth out as it is, you know?

So...that is that.  Still waiting on the eye, but it is slowly getting better she said.  I can't necessarily tell that much.  I have made a couple short comments on a couple blogs, but then can't see well enough later when I go to read some more blogs.  I guess I should wait a while to push that.  Still frustrating.  I do miss writing letters, commenting on blogs, playing a little with art, and doing so many other things.  Patience.  Just have to be patient.  

New month.  Hopefully a very good month...where feeling better is right around the corner.  :)  

Till next time...love and hugs from Fargo.  :) :)