Augest 8, 2021 Sunday--9:45am

Good morning!

Well, I've had almost a week to absorb the news.  Monday afternoon, not long after I posted my blog, the new-to-me urologist called me (before it popped up online on my test results, thank goodness--that's how I learned of the bladder cancer) to tell me that it has spread.  She was very kind and said she was referring me to oncology.  I fully expected the news that it had metastasized--but it is still not easy to hear it verified.

I have had the feeling from when I first read it was cancer that my job is to stay as calm and positive as possible...to take things slowly...a day at a time.  This has all felt like the calm before the storm.  Getting myself grounded and spiritually ready for the long haul.  Endurance.  A hard battle.  I had a gut feeling about it but still hoped I was wrong, of course.  But that is the news--cancer in my liver, too.  

There will probably be other tests to see if it has spread anywhere else and then a treatment plan.  

Tomorrow I have the bladder surgery.  They'll know more the specific type of cancer once they scrape this tumor out of me.  (Hope they can get it all.)  I figured I'd blog early to let you know what is happening so far.  Not sure I'll be in great shape for a couple of days after surgery--you know how that goes.  Not expecting any problems with the surgery--just will be glad when it is over with--like any surgery--LOL!

Leah will be with me again--7am.  She can stay with me till they are ready to take me--about 90 minutes or so.  Then the surgery is 60-90 minutes--and then recovery.  Leah can leave during surgery and they will call her when she can come back.  With delta on the rise I am just glad she can still be in with me...even though I was worried about that...but Leah insisted...and I didn't put up much of a fight.  ;)

I worry about the boys who are not able to be vaccinated.

Oh, and my covid test was negative.

I have an appointment with the brand new full-time oncologist on August 30th.  Essentia only has one new full time and one part time oncologist, apparently.  So, I hope he is young and full of fresh ideas and enthusiasm.  

In the meantime, I am not used to doing energywork on myself, but I shall do my best to work on self-healing and positive energy.  This feels like it was meant to be this way.  Gives me time to recover from the surgery and time to prepare myself for battle, you know?  I kept getting that I needed to let myself slow way down--relax--quiet and calm--and all that.  I will have some time this month...after I get through this next harder surgery--LOL!  Won't be long now.  By this time tomorrow I'll be in recovery--ahhh!  And this time I will be totally under for the whole thing and not half awake.  Hurray!  

Anyways, I had a pajama day on Tuesday, for sure.

Wednesday was the covid test.  That morning I saw the little bunny hoping about on my patio and grabbed the camera.

Seemed to be considering my nice new chair as a spot to investigate--LOL!  Everybody likes that chair.

Can you see the bunny's back end right there next to the planter box on the left side?

I do so wish I had been taking a video!!  A sparrow flew in, landed right behind the bunny, and pecked it in the butt!!  It leapt in the air and scooted back into the patio and under my new chair--ROFL!!

But then it made it's way right back out to the grass and seed--LOL!

I was still chuckling about that whole scenario when Leah and the boys picked me up for the clinic.  The covid test was a breeze.  She didn't poke the Q-tip way up into my brain like I so often heard about.  She said they didn't do that anymore.  All she did was swish it round and round and round in each nostril--up a ways, but not to the point it was uncomfortable.  Easy peasy!  

Then Leah came over Wednesday night.  Our Craft Nites have morphed into doing stuff I need help with--LOL!  And we really went to town on the pantry!  Got boxes of jars packed up (Leah hauled to the garage).  Emptied a shelf and a half or more on this side. 

On the other side I had some larger jars up on top and we moved all the coffee beans.

I can't go without jars, of course, so a few of the older cool ones were saved on top of the wire shelves on the back wall.

All my teas, coffees, and cat treats will be on those wire shelves, too.

Quite a  bit more to do, but that was huge!  I helped until my lower back was screaming (been quite irritable since the biopsy from laying flat on that hard table) and Leah kept going.  :)

She has some can holder storage she doesn't use anymore that we are going to try with the cat food cans!  Awesome.  Hope they work on such small cans.

I know--if I was Marie Kondo I would pull the whole works out of there, but that is just too much at once, need to be able to use my kitchen (where else would I stack everything), and I can't live in endless chaos...which I would be because I am waaaay too slow to deal with anything quickly anymore--LOL!  Eventually it will be totally reoranized and cleaned...and I will have room for dry goods in there finally.  

Plus!  I am waiting for the last of the baskets to arrive this week.  

You may recall I got a couple of baskets on Amazon for my bathroom shelves.  

I have been very happy with them.

Ordered more for the pantry (and wherever I can use them elsewhere).  The small set of five and the medium set of three have arrived!

Still have three large ones coming.  As soon as I am recovered from the surgery I will start puttering with those!

And--TADA!

My TWSBI Swipe arrived!

TWSBI has never made pens that use cartridges or converters.

The converter (more regular type) you can fill with ink is below the pen.  The pre-filled cartridge is below that and there's this crazy spring you can put behind the cartridge to hold it securely in place.  Never seen that before.

But wait!  There's more!

When you take the pen apart there's another converter with a spring inside!

No one else has a spring loaded converter.  That is something new...and exciting probably only to pen people--ROFL!  I guess it's just in the US you get both of the converters.  That's what I heard, anyways.  And the cartridge might not fit other pens that use the standard size end because these are wider and hold more ink.  Might fit some other pens but is basically made to fit the TWSBI Swipe.

Well, that's the basics from here.  I keep forgetting to say that Leah heard from the sauna people in Canada that they expect to be able to ship sometime in August.  I think I will greatly appreciate being able to draw toxins out of my body!!  :)

The baby bunny makes itself to home on my patio at some point every day.

It leaps and dances about so it must feel pretty safe behind my new big planters.

But--can you see what I saw this morning?  (Besides the dying grass from the drought.)

An even smaller baby bunny!!

They are multiplying like rabbits, eh?

With delta on the rise (and me with cancer, too)...well, things have changed.  Leah and Dagan decided not to send the boys to school again this year--whether they have virtual school available or not.  Dagan is going to see if he can possibly work from home again...but at his office they're just getting the full staff back in a week or so!  People seem to be acting like this is all over and done with.

  We personally can't believe they would want all the kids back in school without vaccinations or masks.  I'm sure part of the 12 and over age kids will be vaccinated, but we are a low vaccination state...and delta will use anybody to attach to and spread...even the vaccinated.  

Anyways, personally, we are going back into full lockdown/isolation/bubble mode here shortly.  Almost back there already, actually.  It's not political to us.  It's choice.  It's just wanting to survive and wanting everyone else to survive.  Caring about other people, you know.  I'd be devastated if I gave the boys covid.  Seems like just common courtesy to wear a mask...common sense when humanity is under attack.  

Was just reading about the new (to USA) Lambda variant.  Until the world gets enough people vaccinated or infected we will continue to see variants...likely smarter, more resistent variants.  So, rather try to be safe at least.  Just my opinion and not out to start arguments.  I wish you all health and well-being.  I shall wear my mask for you...and me.  :)

Anyways, wanted to say that once.  

I will probably be getting regular clinic/hospital exposure in the future here.  My immune system was already shot for the last 20 years and I will likely be having more imaging and recurring treatments...so I will be ordering some N95 masks this month.  I heard that even vaccinated people who are more vulnerable can end up getting it pretty bad and I think I will be feeling quite cruddy enough, thank you very much--LOL!  I will do everything I can to make it through all of this in the best way I can.  :) :)

In the meantime, I have generations of bunnies, a ground squirrel, partridges, sparrows, grackles, yellow headed blackbirds, and red-winged blackbirds keeping Annie and I company.  I have a surgery to get through tomorrow with Leah keeping me company and watching over me afterwards till I am functional.  I am not in any pain I can't handle...and should be back to this point in a couple days.  Shall go out and soak my planters this afternoon so they will be good for a few days.  I'm going to re-watch Matrix Revolutions before the new one comes out this fall...and set up all my letters owed in my padfolios so I am ready to write after I recover.  I'll be as set as I can be.

  Surgeries always make me nervous--just the getting through them, you know?  And I will.  It is wonderful to know Dagan and Leah will watch out for me.  Most of my life I went through everything alone.  It's a blessing to know you're not alone.  And I have all of you, too.  I can feel your positive energy!  

Thank you so very much.  

Stay safe!

Until next time...  :) :)

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"Reverence for life is based on compassion and caring for the other, recognition of the autonomy and subjecthood of the other, and the awareness that we are mutually dependent on each other for sustenance, peace and joy."

Vandana Shiva