Monday, September 27, 2021

September 26, 2021 Monday--11:45am

Good Morning!

Was another exhausting week...but Annie and I enjoy the Critter Cafe.
Cottontails...
...and ground squirrels, included.

Monday-Tuesday

My eye was bad, but I set up 9 letters I had piled on my desk. (Letters and nice long emails are the highlights of my days-thank you!)  I've been slowly responding all week.  

Leah and I had a communication breakdown. :(
My fault was--am so drained, in more pain, and have worse fibro fog than I have had in many years...which means I can't focus on or retain things well at all.  I wouldn't remember things she told me or we talked about--pretty big stuff.  I always do honestly think I am doing better than I am, try not to let on because I don't want to worry her/them, and will carry on (at the British say) to the point of collapse.  I'd say one thing one day and then sound like I decided on something else the next because I had to be reminded--spacy.  I'd think I explained something to her or told her something and I hadn't.  All of which exasperated her to the point she finally had had it.  (Has been gradually getting worse the past few months--building up from all this going on--physically and emotionally.)

I was devastated that I had upset her in any way.  Never ever would have done so on purpose.  She found out how truly exhausted and awful I actually feel and then she felt bad for bringing it up.  And she really should have said something to me right off the bat if something I said or did really bothered or frustrated her.  So--we were both at fault and both innocent.  Had it all talked out and hugged out by Wednesday when I went in for the port surgery and we saw each other in person.

Meanwhile I got this delivered to me.
Dr. Kobrossy had not mentioned anything about this company or forms I would be sent.
I googled some on immunotherapy and from what I read there are genetically only 20% of people who this works on well.  It's newer--neither my lab guy, Dr. Kessler nor her nurse were familiar with it.
Basically immunotherapy uncloaks the cancer cells that hide themselves from your natural immune system so your body can see them and attack them.  That's what I understand, anyways. 

Wednesday

Port surgery.

Leah and I had a long time together.  Everything was running late and it was quite busy.  My surgery was delayed an hour and a half.  So glad I had Leah there for company and that we are all good again. :) :) :)

[Note: North Dakota is a republican state.  Proof--FOX News on the waiting room TV.]

The same surgeon did my port as had done my liver biopsy.  Dissolving stitches inside and super glue stuff over thetop of the incisions.
[Note: I can't use the sauna until all the super-glue type stuff falls off naturally.  Looked better after a couple of days (below), but I still have the glue yet--hard to see here because the light didn't hit it.  Didn't hurt a lot after a couple of days.]
Anyways, Leah stayed around until evening after she took me home.  I do love her so much it is hard to put into words.  So sorry I stressed her out.  We are both/all under a lot of stress these days.

Thursday

Total pajama day.

Friday

Early--3:30am--woke up (sore chest and dry throat)--used throat spray, blew nose, and decided I may as well make a trip to the bathroom.  My big brown chair is a lift chair...and I proceeded to put the footrest down.  I heard a little meow.  Annie always immediately starts begging for her canned food when I get up in the morning and I had no idea what time it was but it was still black outside--I thought--silly cat--it's too early for your food.  The footrest is going down and then--cat scream!!  OMG!  She was under the chair!!  She howled and thrashed around so that she even shook the chair!  Then silence!

OMG!!!  I thought I had killed her!  I'm frantically pressing the button to raise the footrest and it wouldn't work!  The lights had even gone out on the controller.  I scramble off the chair and lift the entire chair up...and in the dark I see her bolt down the hallway.  It's dark, she's black--I don't know if she was limping or not.  She was alive, thank goodness!  But had I broken a leg, caused internal injuries...???  There's not much room under there!   It was awful!

I found her in the corner of the bedroom closet in her cat bed.  I didn't see any blood.  She was totally freaked out, but she let me pet her briefly and profusely apologize.  I left her alone.  Annie can't handle much and I didn't want to chase her from her safe place...and she was thinking about it.

Needless to say--I didn't sleep anymore that night.  And my "bed" was broken, anyways.  I looked up and down the hallway for blood and didn't find any.  She finally came out in the morning.  Seemed okay, but was avoiding me--wouldn't let me near her.  I wondered about internal injuries.  Did fall asleep mid-morning for an hour.

Friday was my appointment with Dr. Kessler in the afternoon.  (Needless to say my blood pressure was high.)  Had a Medicare annual checkup.  I thanked her for requesting a cancer screening to be on the safe side when we really thought it was stones.  Told her she probably saved my life.  Sweet lady!

Afterwards Leah and Liam came in so Leah could see if she could fix my chair/bed.  (Ian went golfing with Daddy again on Dagan's half day of work.)  She couldn't fix it.  Took some detective work.  No place in town fixes lift chairs (unless you bought it there from the medical supply place)--including where I bought it (Slumberland).  Finally found website address on the controller and there was a number on the website.  Leah called and they had the model number and all that--the box light (transformer?) was on but the controller was dead.  So we ordered a new controller to be sent here. 
Fingers crossed.

The chair is stuck in this position--with the footrest not quite closed and the back is tipped a bit.  
 I put a back pillow there so I can reach the keyboard and made an ottoman with a cardboard box and blankets so that I can sit there during the day.

And I am sleeping in the little tan recliner at night.
If I don't scoot far enough back in it when I push it backwards...well, it flips me to an upright position.  Startling when you are sound asleep--LOL!  But am hoping the new controller will arrive this week and it will fix the chair.  

What next?!  Annie has lived with me for over four years and I have had that very chair and been sleeping in it at night for almost three years and I aways get up at night at least once--and she has never slept underneath it before that I know of--ever.  She heard the motor--but if she had never been under it she didn't know to move?  Maybe she's having troubles with her old brain function, too.

Saturday-Sunday

PAJAMA DAYS!!
I have been totally wiped out.
I watched the last season of Lucifer and was surprised at how touching it was.  Watched the Bob Ross documentary on Netflix and was glad that when I bought my Bob Ross paint supplies 20 years ago that I didn't know anything about these horrible people who stole his name.  Haven't been up to much, obviously.  Did laundry and it took me 3 (or 4) days to just get everything put away.

But the wounds are healing.  Still have some shiny glue on me so no sauna...but soon, I hope.  I dont think it will show much once it is healed.

Today

Katie is coming to clean in like 15 minutes so I need to try to proof read this fast and post it.  I have no spellcheck and Blogger plays games with me all the time on formating--so what you see is what you get--LOL!

On Thusday night Leah is planning to come over and on Friday I start chemo at 7:45am.  Leah will be with this time.  We'll probably pack my chemo bag Thursday night.  

So, till next week--if you have never heard a cat scream I hope you never do.  I hadn't cried when I found out I got cancer--but I cried over Leah and I--and over thinking I killed or hurt Annie this week.  Hopefully things will go smoother this week...but who knows.  Been the unexpected lately, for sure.  At least the pinkeye seems to be gone...knock on wood.  LOL!  See you in a week.

Too tired for a quote and not much time left.
love and hugs

21 comments:

  1. I try to get around to all the blogs and usually do...even if you don't see a comment from me. Life has been changing a lot lately. ;)
    Thanks to you all for your support. :)

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  2. I haven't been commenting lately but wanted you to know that I'm here. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this extremely difficult time. And I certainly hope Annie is okay!

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  3. Sending you lots of love and healing energy, dear Rita. And I'm also sending over some for Annie. And Leah. What a hard time this is, but it WILL get better. Praying for it to be so.

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  4. Oh, my! Upsets with both Leah and Annie. This cancer schmancer crap is a stressful time for all of you. There was probably bound to be a blow up. It's good to get it out of the way and now Leah knows more about how serious the brain fog is. I hope Annie is okay and hope the chair can be fixed. I love the photo of you smiling. It cheers me up.

    Love,
    Janie

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  5. Rita, don't even worry a tiny bit about not getting to reading blogs, in fact don't even give it any thought. Those of us who follow yours and read about your weekly updates are far more concerned about you. This post was full of so many upsets from human to feline and so glad that all has been sorted out. it's good that Leah not understands your brain fog was the culprit and certainly not you. Annie may take a bit longer to forgive and will most likely not forget. if it keeps her from going under the chair that might just be a good thing too. Do hope that the replacement controller solves the stuck chair problem. This has certainly been a hard week for everyone. (My apology at my way overdue snail-mail which will be on its way this week. And I do not have any plausible excuse for my lateness.)

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  6. Oh, I am so sorry that you had such an awful week. This week has to be better. Right? Golly, I hope so.

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  7. Poor Annie, poor Leah, poor you. Sometimes stress is just too much and you need a good cry. Your port looks pretty good....they really are worth the effort when they work especially for chemo. You had a rough week. Hope you get lots of rest before the chemo on Friday. Thinking good thoughts!

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  8. Hi Rita. Boy, you have had a stressful week, my friend, but I am glad that you and Leah worked things out and gave each other some grace in a stressful situation. I hope Annie has a short memory and will give you some grace as well. :-) Take good care of and be kind to yourself. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for your card. I got it today.

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  9. The situation with you and Leah and then with Annie are just the things that get me upset and make me cry too! We have two recliners and I am always worried about one of the cats getting caught under one. It sounds like Annie is okay now, I sure hope so.

    It's great that you have the port surgery done and behind you. It looks like it has healed up quickly! I hope you can rest up the next couple of days before you start the chemo. Give Annie some love from me and know that I'm sending you healing thoughts and prayers!

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  10. I am glad that you were able to reconcile with Leah. This situation no doubt causes huge stress and stretches the limits of tolerance to their maximum. It continues to amaze me that you are able to document it the way you do. With my very best wishes. David

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  11. Yowza. A rough week. Glad that Annie is okay and that you and Leah worked through the misunderstandings. Stress and chaos absolutely send the mind reeling. Hopefully, things will calm down. Thinking of you as you start chemo. Hoping the chair is fixed very soon so that you can find some comfort.

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  12. Rabbits so close! What fun!

    I'm happy y'all are able to work things out in such a manner instead of people stomping off and never speaking again (which happens more than you might realize). Sweet :) Poor Annie :) I'm glad she seems fine, and maybe that's a lesson learned. Surely it'll never happen again. I'm glad the portacath surgery is over. It'll be handy to have that through it all. It's all so stressful. I'm glad you have good support through it all and hope the chemo goes well. {healing thoughts and hugs)

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  13. I totally understand being late or not visiting. I'm having trouble keeping up, too.

    I am sure that Leah now knows what stress you were under and I hope Annie feels safe with you again. Sorry that had to happen to you, as both were quite stressful incidents.

    So glad your port surgery is past you and I hope the glue falls off soon, so you enjoy your sauna soon. I'll be thinking about you as you start your chemo, dear Rita. I hope it works for you.

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  14. I'm glad all is well with you and Leah and that Annie seems to be just fine. Poor little kitty, she must have been so frightened. She probably won't go back under that part of the chair again. You have a super day, hugs, Edna B.

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  15. Just get to writing letters when you are able. We totally understand. Speaking of letters, I sent one off to you on the 22nd (Oz time).

    Miscommunication is often the cause of big family rifts so I'm glad you and Leah were able to patch things up after a talk. You must both be feeling quite overwhelmed with all that's been going on. Big hugs to both of you!

    The port sure did look much better after a couple of days. It will make things a lot easier. I'm glad the pink eye has cleared off.

    Poor Annie!!! What an ordeal for her. Must have been so frightening for both of you! I would have cried too. I sure hope she is okay now. Is it possible that Annie yanked out the cables connected to the controller from inside the recliner when she was thrashing about?

    When we get summer storms, Kya goes straight under the recliner which she accesses from the back of the recliner. Our recliner footrests are never up. One broke years ago and the other recliner got too rickety to trust. Just as well for Kya. Being inside the recliner is her safe place during storms.

    Maybe with all the changes going on around Annie due to your tests and treatment, she is also feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts so, doing things she would not normally do.

    Totally agree re. Bob Ross. Those Kowalskis are nasty, greedy people!

    Why don't you have Spell Check? Maybe you need to enable it?

    Wishing you a more peaceful, calm week, my friend. I hope all goes well with Chemo. Thinking of you.

    Love and hugs xo

    P. S. - I'm still getting your blog posts via email. Not sure when they will stop that.

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  16. You do what you need to do if that means not reading or commenting on blogs then so be it. Annie must have had a fright, lastly Leo loved the bunnies

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  17. Oh Rita, I know just how frustrating those miscommunication moments can be and how deeply they can affect both people. I really feel for you on that one and I'm glad things are resolved. Hopefully, the occasion will remind all of the importance of parameters and leveling sooner. And then the terror (yes, it would be terror for me) of the Annie incident. I'm sure she is fine, just shaken, but do watch for anything odd internally and don't hesitate to call the vet just to ask. It might provide peace of mind. You might explain your medical circumstances to your vet if you haven't connected lately.

    I hope that all goes well with this week's appointments and I know you are taking care and getting rest. Just keep on keeping on. And please, don't hesitate to ask friends or neighbors for help -- a ride or something around the house. Often, people want to help and are honored to be asked -- but they don't always know how to do it themselves. Do take care and all wishes for a good week ahead.

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  18. Lots of info in your post. You do what you have to in order to heal and be well.

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  19. Thinking of you Kathy. Sending all my love......deb

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  20. wonderful to discover your blog...

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  21. Not a good week. It sounds like life has been very difficult for you, but you are moving along and keeping a positive attitude, which I believe is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

    I listened to a podcast that talked about the Bob Ross drama. I had no idea.

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Have a really great day! :) :)