Good morning!
Last week I mostly made food for three days and did laundry twice (which I haven't put all of it away yet). Keanna came on Tuesday to clean. It was still very, very hot (90s). Heat-loving Allie didn't like being in the living room where I had the AC on and a fan blowing. She took to afternoon naptime in her carrier in the corner of the studio. Much warmer in there.
I think it was Friday night we had a frost warning. Yup--from 90s to frost...a 60 degree swing last week. Been in the 40s and too chilly to have the door open even a crack most days because of the wind. But we did get some rain--tada! Badly needed up here with the drought we've been having. It's very lush and green right now.
I did get some playtime in, too! Did another page in the new colorbook.
The two partridges come by...but I won't have seed for very much longer. I do put a lot less out, though, and I usually do try to stop sometime in May anyways. They have plenty to eat once everything greens up and I don't want to attract those voles that dig up the yard. So, it's perfect timing really.
That last page I colored kept bugging me because you couldn't read the words very well in the colored pencil. So I got out a black marker and filled the saying in. Yes! Much better!
Since the marker didn't bleed through the paper...I traded a smaller set of markers (Koi) into the jar by my chair...
...and colored a couple more pages.
I have to say...markers are always more vibrant and bold.
Glad this paper turned out okay for my water based markers. Copic markers (alcohol based) bleed through almost every kind of paper so I don't think I would want to use those. Probably why I have so seldom used my Copic markers. So seldom they might be dried up by now...but they're packed away somewhere. I'll find out when I move. I wonder if I packed away my acrylic markers...??
When I do unpack it is going to feel like Christmas. So much I haven't seen for sooooo long. I started downsizing and packing and also we started ordering IKEA furniture (which Leah's sister in Minneapolis stored in their garage) in August of 2022. Difficult to remember what was kept and what was donated. I pushed myself so hard with the downsizing and packing because we thought I could be moved the following summer...of 2023. Yes...2023. Before the snow flies, we thought. I've had the floor plan, the furniture, and packed everything I could...seems like forever.
I remember I never thought I'd finish downsizing before I moved. Then I gave myself a deadline of New Year's Eve 2023...because we were then thinking a spring move and I needed a good while to recover from 16 months of packing before I moved. Well, that's now another 16 months ago--lol! It is all so bizarre...(and stressful whether I have acknowledged it to myself or not)...that it effects my body (fibro) and I think may be adding to my not recovering so well from the Keytruda. Our government/country political news has been an additional stress, too.
I know there are worse things to deal with and I am okay where I am and all of that...so that I am kind of ashamed of how I feel. It takes a lot to break down my natural optimism...but I am feeling broken down. Just so sad...worn out...defeated. Doesn't matter if it is not logical. My optimism is worn out. I am not feeling upset or angry or impatient, even. It is like I can't feel anything anymore. I can't get excited thinking about the move anymore. I don't want to think about our democracy being destroyed. I don't want to look around my apartment and actually see it anymore. Time even shows there...with the boxes.
This is what I look at every day. My laptop table...
Anyways, I am still able to see the bright side. It is just much dimmer at the moment. I've always let you know how I feel and what's going on. The latest setback or delay...just deflated me. Honestly drained the life out of me. I have been through a lot in my life. This is nothing by comparison to so many other things I've dealt with...seems silly to be feeling so devastated. I know I will obviously survive this, too. I know that. But, for right now...on autopilot...am much less joyful...am in endless limbo...sadness creeps over me...emotionally, I don't believe that I am actually moving anymore...can't invest my hopes and excitement one more time. I am done. I can't care anymore. Just let me know when it is time to actually pack and we have a truck rented...maybe then I might believe it...maybe then I can get excited. But until I am actually physically moved--I will still expect delays. It still won't be real.
It has been an emotional roller coaster for me for almost three years now. Cancer. This move. My OCD side has withdrawn screaming long ago from living in boxes, bins, folding tables, and empty spaces. My creative side has been dying since I was so sick for so long and then over half my studio disappeared into boxes. It doesn't feel good to be in that room, either. Nothing is the same. I don't know where things are.
And then to top it off...over everything else...my country...democracy...is being mortally wounded...by Americans.
Well, that is why I am not sure if I won't take a break for a while from blogging. I was raised that if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything. I have so little good to say lately. Just blah, sad, and kind of lifeless. It was nice to play in the coloring book, anyways (barely creative). And Allie is always a comfort and good company. I am not upset or angry even...just kind of nothing. Just sliding through the days trying to find as much peace and calm as I can...watching Stargate SG-1--lol! Coloring. Procrastinating on my usual duties. Playing solitaire or mahjong or doing jigsaw puzzles on my phone. My nose is totally plugged up--sinuses--maybe from the changes back and forth in the weather? Or spring allergies? I'm still having all the usual health issues, but they're not quite as bad as they were (knock on wood). I may get behind on things, but I am managing to keep up overall. Just waiting here in Limboland. I may be back next Monday or I may not. But don't worry about me if I don't blog. When and if I have something to share...I will. Who knows--maybe I'll at least have some coloring pages to share next week. I don't know. That might be nice. Do some more coloring. I've never taken a blog break before.
Anyways, bye for now. I always read all your blogs...those of you who blog, of course. I can't imagine not staying in touch...so I'll be back. *love and hugs from Fargo*
26 comments:
It’s not hard to understand how you feel. Maybe a break is what you need.
I'm not surprised you're worn out, with all you've been dealing with. And it is very hard to be camping among boxes for all this time. What's causing the delays in moving? If you need a break, do take one. For me, I'm happy to read whatever you write, but it's your blog, your choice.
Rita, one thing you have been in your posts is very honest in sharing not only your health issues but everything else that has been happening. Of course, you feel down about the delayed move and seeing your belongings boxed up for so long. I would feel the same way and expect others would as well. You have overcome so much and I have every confidence you will continue to do so.
As for whether or not you will continue with blogging, that decision is up to you, my friend. I sometimes have a similar thought, but like yourself I am grateful for blog friends who read and comment on posts. Perhaps, a short break could help, but know that your blog friends will be here, regardless.
You are not alone in trying to deal with the stress and having a hard time finding the upside in our democracy. It's just so sad, but I am glad you are still there trying to make life a bit better for all of us. Thanks for the post, Rita. You have been a good friend and I don't ever want to stop hearing from you. Hang in there!
Do the things that make you happiest Rita. Hopefully this is just a small bump in the road and you will feel better about everything sooner than later. Hope you get a move date soon!
I feel your pain and don't blame you for being frustrated. Enjoy your break, I hope that you get some good news soon!
I've taken blog breaks before... I've learned to do that instead of just quitting... My interest in my blog ebbs and flows.... so i let it... I've moved several times in my life and i know the feeling of living with boxes... uuughh... not nice... Its hard... I've always said no matter where i'am i'm unpacking... even if i don't plan to be there long, i'm making it a home... When we moved from CA to AR i started packing all my craftroom way early... hubby's suggestion... he knew how much stuff i had... good thing or i never would have been done in time.. and i did the same when we moved from AR to TX... horrible to have all those boxes around for so long... so depressing... Can those boxes be moved out to your garage so you don't have to look at them any longer?? Love seeing your coloring pages.. keep them coming! Hugs! and much love! deb
I remembered one of my favorite quotes from Harriet Beecher Stowe,....' When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn....' Hugs! deb
I had no idea you were living in a space filled with moving boxes. I would be off the wall. I also would be shutting down to be able to handle it. Your move is so close and yet it seems like it's well in the distance. Corks musy pop when it finally happens.
I, like you, have drifted into despair. It just gets worse and worse and I don't see any action to stop this destruction of the country. Who would have ever thought this possible? Blatant corruption, law breaking and a full-out trampling of the Constitution these "patriots" have always been so fond of. Take the break if you need it.
The move will happen. It will.
Coincidentally, I have a dental cleaning today and your post reminded me of that. Thank you! I prefer blogs that are honest--which means not necessarily always upbeat. How can any thinking person not be worried about what's happening right now? It's scary and depressing.
Dear Rita, I echo Far Side of Fifty's comment. Do what you need to help yourself in any way. I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. I am very happy to have found you again! You and I used to follow each other's blogs when I was at Linda's Peaceful Place. I had no computer for over 7 years and due to the amount of time that had passed, I lost access to my old blog. I started a new blog at Linda's Relaxing Lair (link is in my profile) at the end of March. I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you, that I have missed you and that I am back again. Sending you warm wishes and love and hugs.
I can relate to how you're feeling. I've been there a time or two. I eventually bounce back but it's not fun feeling like that. That kind of mood is what led me to blogging on a daily basis years ago. It forced me to use my brain and come up with something to post every single day. Otherwise I would have sat on the couch and vegetated and not done anything. In a way blogging is my therapy.
I can see how looking at all those boxes for all these years could get you down.
I love your colornig book pages. Such pretty cheery flowers.
Hi Rita :) Please don’t feel ashamed, you have every right to feel the way you do, and there’s so much being thrown at us each and every day to wear us down, and with everything else you have got going on. We each deal in our own way. I truly believe it is important for you to keep writing it all down as it’s good to get it all out and off your chest, the good and the bad, and sounds like by reading all the comments, we're all here for you. If you need a blog break, go ahead and take one but if you do, please come on back as I and all your blogging friends would miss you and worry about you. Thanks for sharing your week with us my friend. Sending hugs!
Certainly don't feel ashamed about how you feel! You've dealt with so much and had your expectations shattered so many times. If you can, please keep coloring and sharing the results with us. We can all us some cheering up! Much love....❤️
Best wishes to you, Rita... sometimes a blogging break is really good... away from technical devices and more focused on your own creative thoughts.
The main thing is that you come back.
Do what your heart tells you.
Hug
I can understand your frustration. When I moved from MO to Wichita, I was lucky. I boxed up all my books and kitchen appliances, dishes I intended to keep, etc. I gave a lot away. I didn't sell anything, just gave it all to friends. I kept my rocking horses and cardinals, but no other collections. I moved all those boxes over a month to Wichita. I rented a U Hal truck, but before I did, I measured every piece of furniture that would go in the U Haul. I knew exactly where each piece would go and where to pack it. I found I could get by with a smaller truck because I did that. I had help getting everything in the truck and gave a lot of things away that day, too.
If you need a blog break, I won't discourage you from taking it. However, I love, love your coloring pages and your shower curtains. I hope that will encourage you to realize we are here and love your honest responses.
BTW, I totally agree with you on the shape of this country at the moment. I'm hopeful for the midterms.
Dear friend, I'm going to say what I have said (surprisingly) to two different bloggers in the past two weeks. You own the blog. It doesn't own you. Do what you need to do. Post if you like, or not post. Throw up just a picture of Allie and no words if you want or do nothing. You get to decide. No rules. Change the way you write or don't write at all. (And yes, if you do the latter, you will be missed, but guess what? We'll all "get it."
Life is pretty much distressing for most of us in the US these days with our country falling apart. Add to it your personal stresses and the disappointment of being where you are. If only you could move in, even keeping your current place for a bit till all is settled. Alas on that. But believe me, we understand what all you have experienced in these few years past. Being down is allowed.
Just remember to find a few bits of joy every day. Allie's purr. A good art day. Seeing your critters. And consider a couple of other things -- low cost. 1) Move the end table back an inch or two so the hole doesn't get bigger. 2) consider covering the "end table" with a table cloth or something pretty and the same with the other one. And if those are packed, instead of buying something expensive, find a cute one at the dollar store or a big piece of oil cloth. And you could probably cover the wall of boxes that way, too. Not saying it's pretty but it will be less a constant reminder. 3) Consider getting a large board or something solid to put on the box that is collapsing. The sides of the box should hold it (the sag won't be holding the weight) and it will be more secure for what is on top. You can paint it or cover it. But it should hold the lazy Susan better.
You are an optimist in a slump. Go with it but don't let it kill your joy altogether. Self-shame doesn't help. You've got this.
Well at least Allie knows where to nap when you make the room too cold for her liking. I think it is cool that you change the shower curtain so often. Nice to know we are not the only ones with weather that is all over the place. It is cool that you can colour so well.
Downsizing is a big task but having all those boxes around would be depressing, yeah it may feel like Christmas when the time comes to unpack but there must be times when you wonder if the move will ever happen.
Yeah your life must feel like a roller coaster the last few years and you must feel like some things will never end, I hope that you continue to post as I feel blogging helps keep me connected to life and keeps one from at times just crawling into bed and hiding, at least you have Allie who would be a comfort when everything feels too damn hard.
I hope you can continue blogging but know it must be so hard when life has been difficult and some disappointments along the way. You have been so patient waiting for your move and I hope it is not too long now. Don't beat yourself up about not blogging, and do what you feel like doing and I am sure your blog followers will understand. You are such an honest person in sharing your thoughts and I hope you continue to do so even if you have a break for a while. Wishing you a better week ahead.
I missed your blogging this week! Hope you are okay!
I have been away from blogging for a while and wanted to see how you are doing. I'm so sorry to read about all the disappointments, delays, and frustrations you've experienced over the past few years...topped now with what is happening in the U.S. I hope that this past week went better for you and that there are glimmers of hope and happiness for you. Doing what you love doing and that brings you joy is the only way to get through all this. Your artwork - as usual - is stunning and inspiring. You are so gifted!
Hey Sweet lady. I'm having trouble with my eyes and could not read all of our post. One thing you and I have in common is that stress will work us down. I do know how stressful things have been for you with this move delay and other things. Plus that weather change is not good for Fibro and lupus. So, be sure to take really good care of yourself. I know you do. The coloring helps and is very pretty. I want to tell you to take a break if you need to. On the other hand, you sound really sad that writing a blog will give you something to look forward too. I know for me, I feel so close to you and don't want you to slip in deep depression. So, good, bad, or ugly, write something. I think all of us are here to support you. Anything I can do from here just let me know.
Rita, all the delays have certainly been disappointing, but you are not a quitter for sure, so take good care of yourself. If a break helps you then that’s what you should do and know that your blog friends will still be here.
Thinking about you today and hoping you are doing well.
Hope your blog break has been good for you, Rita, and just wanted you to know you are being thought of today. A letter is in the mail.
Here I am at the info I needed, but I panicked when I didn't see 2 blogs from you and had to get in touch! I understand the need for a break since I've been on one. Everything with the government is unbearable. I'm exhuasted all the time. Nothing will ever be the way it used to be again. All that work by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris was for nothing.
Love,
Janie
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