September 26, 2021 Monday--11:45am

Good Morning!

Was another exhausting week...but Annie and I enjoy the Critter Cafe.

Cottontails...

...and ground squirrels, included.

Monday-Tuesday

My eye was bad, but I set up 9 letters I had piled on my desk. (Letters and nice long emails are the highlights of my days-thank you!)  I've been slowly responding all week.  

Leah and I had a communication breakdown. :(

My fault was--am so drained, in more pain, and have worse fibro fog than I have had in many years...which means I can't focus on or retain things well at all.  I wouldn't remember things she told me or we talked about--pretty big stuff.  I always do honestly think I am doing better than I am, try not to let on because I don't want to worry her/them, and will carry on (at the British say) to the point of collapse.  I'd say one thing one day and then sound like I decided on something else the next because I had to be reminded--spacy.  I'd think I explained something to her or told her something and I hadn't.  All of which exasperated her to the point she finally had had it.  (Has been gradually getting worse the past few months--building up from all this going on--physically and emotionally.)

I was devastated that I had upset her in any way.  Never ever would have done so on purpose.  She found out how truly exhausted and awful I actually feel and then she felt bad for bringing it up.  And she really should have said something to me right off the bat if something I said or did really bothered or frustrated her.  So--we were both at fault and both innocent.  Had it all talked out and hugged out by Wednesday when I went in for the port surgery and we saw each other in person.

Meanwhile I got this delivered to me.

Dr. Kobrossy had not mentioned anything about this company or forms I would be sent.

I googled some on immunotherapy and from what I read there are genetically only 20% of people who this works on well.  It's newer--neither my lab guy, Dr. Kessler nor her nurse were familiar with it.

Basically immunotherapy uncloaks the cancer cells that hide themselves from your natural immune system so your body can see them and attack them.  That's what I understand, anyways. 

Wednesday

Port surgery.

Leah and I had a long time together.  Everything was running late and it was quite busy.  My surgery was delayed an hour and a half.  So glad I had Leah there for company and that we are all good again. :) :) :)

[Note: North Dakota is a republican state.  Proof--FOX News on the waiting room TV.]

The same surgeon did my port as had done my liver biopsy.  Dissolving stitches inside and super glue stuff over thetop of the incisions.

[Note: I can't use the sauna until all the super-glue type stuff falls off naturally.  Looked better after a couple of days (below), but I still have the glue yet--hard to see here because the light didn't hit it.  Didn't hurt a lot after a couple of days.]

Anyways, Leah stayed around until evening after she took me home.  I do love her so much it is hard to put into words.  So sorry I stressed her out.  We are both/all under a lot of stress these days.

Thursday

Total pajama day.

Friday

Early--3:30am--woke up (sore chest and dry throat)--used throat spray, blew nose, and decided I may as well make a trip to the bathroom.  My big brown chair is a lift chair...and I proceeded to put the footrest down.  I heard a little meow.  Annie always immediately starts begging for her canned food when I get up in the morning and I had no idea what time it was but it was still black outside--I thought--silly cat--it's too early for your food.  The footrest is going down and then--cat scream!!  OMG!  She was under the chair!!  She howled and thrashed around so that she even shook the chair!  Then silence!

OMG!!!  I thought I had killed her!  I'm frantically pressing the button to raise the footrest and it wouldn't work!  The lights had even gone out on the controller.  I scramble off the chair and lift the entire chair up...and in the dark I see her bolt down the hallway.  It's dark, she's black--I don't know if she was limping or not.  She was alive, thank goodness!  But had I broken a leg, caused internal injuries...???  There's not much room under there!   It was awful!

I found her in the corner of the bedroom closet in her cat bed.  I didn't see any blood.  She was totally freaked out, but she let me pet her briefly and profusely apologize.  I left her alone.  Annie can't handle much and I didn't want to chase her from her safe place...and she was thinking about it.

Needless to say--I didn't sleep anymore that night.  And my "bed" was broken, anyways.  I looked up and down the hallway for blood and didn't find any.  She finally came out in the morning.  Seemed okay, but was avoiding me--wouldn't let me near her.  I wondered about internal injuries.  Did fall asleep mid-morning for an hour.

Friday was my appointment with Dr. Kessler in the afternoon.  (Needless to say my blood pressure was high.)  Had a Medicare annual checkup.  I thanked her for requesting a cancer screening to be on the safe side when we really thought it was stones.  Told her she probably saved my life.  Sweet lady!

Afterwards Leah and Liam came in so Leah could see if she could fix my chair/bed.  (Ian went golfing with Daddy again on Dagan's half day of work.)  She couldn't fix it.  Took some detective work.  No place in town fixes lift chairs (unless you bought it there from the medical supply place)--including where I bought it (Slumberland).  Finally found website address on the controller and there was a number on the website.  Leah called and they had the model number and all that--the box light (transformer?) was on but the controller was dead.  So we ordered a new controller to be sent here. 

Fingers crossed.

The chair is stuck in this position--with the footrest not quite closed and the back is tipped a bit.  

 I put a back pillow there so I can reach the keyboard and made an ottoman with a cardboard box and blankets so that I can sit there during the day.

And I am sleeping in the little tan recliner at night.

If I don't scoot far enough back in it when I push it backwards...well, it flips me to an upright position.  Startling when you are sound asleep--LOL!  But am hoping the new controller will arrive this week and it will fix the chair.  

What next?!  Annie has lived with me for over four years and I have had that very chair and been sleeping in it at night for almost three years and I aways get up at night at least once--and she has never slept underneath it before that I know of--ever.  She heard the motor--but if she had never been under it she didn't know to move?  Maybe she's having troubles with her old brain function, too.

Saturday-Sunday

PAJAMA DAYS!!

I have been totally wiped out.

I watched the last season of Lucifer and was surprised at how touching it was.  Watched the Bob Ross documentary on Netflix and was glad that when I bought my Bob Ross paint supplies 20 years ago that I didn't know anything about these horrible people who stole his name.  Haven't been up to much, obviously.  Did laundry and it took me 3 (or 4) days to just get everything put away.

But the wounds are healing.  Still have some shiny glue on me so no sauna...but soon, I hope.  I dont think it will show much once it is healed.

Today

Katie is coming to clean in like 15 minutes so I need to try to proof read this fast and post it.  I have no spellcheck and Blogger plays games with me all the time on formating--so what you see is what you get--LOL!

On Thusday night Leah is planning to come over and on Friday I start chemo at 7:45am.  Leah will be with this time.  We'll probably pack my chemo bag Thursday night.  

So, till next week--if you have never heard a cat scream I hope you never do.  I hadn't cried when I found out I got cancer--but I cried over Leah and I--and over thinking I killed or hurt Annie this week.  Hopefully things will go smoother this week...but who knows.  Been the unexpected lately, for sure.  At least the pinkeye seems to be gone...knock on wood.  LOL!  See you in a week.

Too tired for a quote and not much time left.

love and hugs