Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Tuesday 9:30am

Lots of sky pics today. 
Seems like lately our days either start out with this (with or without rain)... 
...and end up with this sometime during the day... 
...or we start out with the blue skies and puffy clouds... 
...and watch the sky darken and cloud over (with or without rain) sometime during the day. 
It's been warm and the air is thick.  Karma went out one day when the carpeting was fairly dry by the door... 
...and looked everywhere... 
...for moths.  No luck.  ;) 
Meanwhile, I have been struggling over the mixed media page spread for a couple days.  I know I could add more but I am done.   
This has been alternately fun and stressful for me.   
I have definitely gotten a foot in the water, I think. 
You don't know how difficult it is for me to "scribble".
To not care that my repetitious doodles are not as uniform as I can possibly manage to make them.  (Which I can't accomplish, anyways...but I try.)
To not care what anything looks like...or even if any of it even goes together... 
The only way I could accomplish this at all was to draw or write really fast.  Much faster than I normally would when I was making my usual unreachable bid for perfection.  It was a bit exhilarating in its freedom...but also made me feel like I was losing my balance.  (I'm afraid of heights--like vertigo, kind of.)
I know it may sound silly to somebody else, but I've even had bad dreams the past two nights about being in situations where I was going too fast, hadn't thought things through, hadn't planned ahead, hadn't been careful in my thought process.  Like last night--I dreamt was rescuing fish from this big tank that had a bad leak and I had no place to put them.  I hadn't thought to get any water ready for them...a bucket...something--so I was piling them on a counter and, of course, they were flipping all over and falling on the floor.  And the water in the big tank was sinking fast...and I was trying to go so fast the net wasn't even in scoop position, had caught, and was flat so that the fish I did catch just flipped right out of it.  I was crying...nothing I did worked because I was going too fast...wasn't thinking clearly at all...like my brain wasn't my own...and all those fish were going to die because of me.
Who said art was therapy?!
Anyways, I got this far and I was exhausted...done in.  On the one hand, I think the end product is pathetically bad and it's embarrassing to even post it.  But, on the other hand, this is quite a personal accomplishment for me no matter what it looks like.  Hey--it's given me nightmares, right?  So, I crossed some inner line, for sure.
This page spread was from Traci Bautista's free Strathmore workshop--week one.  From April--LOL!  Snail woman over here.  I didn't do it exactly as I was supposed to, but good enough.  I watched her video for week two last night and it's water colors and water soluble media!!  Media I'm much more comfortable with and have already been doing some toe-dipping.  But I still will be doing things I have never done with watercolors.  All my backgrounds I had been playing with since last fall--it's like a brick wall for me to get past the background.  Wish me luck!  Maybe it won't be as difficult this time?  I can hope.  ;)
As I was cleaning up after my doodling late in the afternoon, I noticed on the horizon...  
Some kind of fire.  It didn't last long.  I hope it was brush or something and not a home or business. 
This morning we actually had both at once!  Sun was trying to peek out, thunder was roaring, and it was raining.
The rain won...for now.
Well, today I plan to play with the water-soluble media.  Traci wanted us to try a bigger sheet from this huge paper pad...which I don't have.  I think it will be quite enough for me to play in my mixed media Visual journal.  Or...maybe I could break in my watercolor Visual journal?  Using actual watercolor paper would work better for this lesson.  Silly how all this stresses me out.  ;P
I honestly think I need to do a zentangle or something to get my feet back on the ground--LOL!
It's raining, but the thunder has passed.  
Pushing past your comfort zone...hummm?  
I'm sure this is probably good for me.
I know it is something I am supposed to be doing (GA).
I'm not sure why.
Have a great day!!  :):)
I wonder what I'm afraid of?
"If we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls."
Maya Angelou


TexWisGirl said...

your mixed media art would make some lovely fabric patterns! (and poor karma - mothless...)

TexWisGirl said...

(and i hate distressing dreams!)

Dee said...

Dear Rita, wonderful comment, once again.

As to your stretching your boundaries and letting go and stepping out into the space of being free from outcome and rigidity, I deeply admire your efforts and your adventure. You're not afraid to risk, and if you are afraid--and maybe the dream revealed then--then you are so brave because you do the project anyway.

This reminds me a little of the daily writing done when using "The Artist's Way." The writer simply writes, writes, writes, stream of consciousness for three pages each morning and that helps free her/him from the tyranny of seeking perfection.
It also releases creative juices.

I've done the 13 weeks of the artist's way about five times and it's always given me an idea for a book to write.


Beth said...

That was a nightmare you had instead of a dream. I have nightmares occasionally and I tell myself, wake up, this is not real over and over until I finally wake up.

Your photos of the sky are very nice.

DJan said...

I think it's cool, not bad at all, Rita! I don't know what you expected of doodles, but these are really good to my eye at least. And they look like fun!

I have dreams like that, too. Getting out of your comfort zone is good, but if I were you I'd give myself permission to fall back into the place that is comfortable, too. Sending you lots of hugs and even some cyber pats on the back! :-)

pauline said...

oh dear dear Rita... i laughed through most of your post, thinking "Ah man, i wish this woman was near me so i could give her a huge hug and tell her how fucking AWESOME her journal pages are!!!" (yes, i swore...) Rita, are you kidding me?!? Your artwork is BEAUTIFUL!!! My reason for laughing through your post is because i could almost feel the struggle within yourself to make PERFECT art. Here's anugget of wisdom: ART CANNOT BE PERFECT. When i saw all those orderly, lined up, beautifully painted little squares and diamonds and circles on your page, i thought to myself "yup, she's comfortable with order". AND THAT'S OK. Art is therapy. Why force yourself to scribble if what you REALLY love is order? Your page is beautiful. I don't think you should add anything to it, nor do i think you should lose sleep over it (or your inability to let go of perfection). If it's who you are, go with it! Eventually, you'll get more and more comfortable with letting go, and if you don't, that's ok too! That's the joy of art - there is absolutely no pressure to be one thing or another. Whatever your heart feels like expressing at the time - that's what you should do. No pressure girl... and please don't stop painting/art making. I know you'll work through this at your own pace.
Sorry about the speech... i just SO want you to keep going, Rita. xoxo

Megan Adamson said...

Rita, I think these are anxiety dreams. Try not to do too much at once, you will find that things will just fall into place.
I love just doodling, and I'm going to have to experiment using doilies too!
I love your work, keep it up!

Hugs to you and Karma!

Janie Junebug said...

Are toy moths available at PetSmart? I feel sorry for Karma. I love your mixed media thingy. It's cool. FREE! I'm stretching my boundaries, too. I'm writing a science fiction story. Did anyone ever think I would do such a thing? I didn't!


SandeeNC said...

You took away Karma's entertainment...poor baby! hmmmmm....well you know what they say about Karma right? maybe that's why you're having those dreams, you actually feel bad about doing that to your kitty and you need to make some fish treats to make up for it! See...it's not about being stressed about doing something new, it's about how you treat Karma...after all, isn't is all about Karma? lol waving hi from the hills of North Carolina :)

Funny in My Mind said...

I hate those dreams where you wake up exhausted from working all night in your dream. I always wonder what they mean.

I like your art!

Sandra Tyler said...

Those pieces are lovely! And who gives a heck about being" uniform"! That wouldn't be nearly as interesting. Gorgeous work.

Tracey FK said...

I lasted through one class of that workshop and it was so stressful I completely abandoned it... doodling isn't my thing either and it drives me a bit mad... I quite like your pages though and how orderly they are... I will be interested to see if you keep getting bad dreams as you keep going... you may just have to abandon being a loose woman!!!!

AliceKay said...

I like the idea of a fake moth or something hanging out there on your porch for Karma to watch.

Don't stress out over your art. It's supposed to help you, not bring you nightmares, and that certainly sounded like a nightmare. I think your artwork is beautiful, whether you stick with the format of the art project or do your own thing. *hugs*

Great shots of your ever changing skyline. Love the next to the last one with the sunbeams shooting thru the clouds.

Dana said...

Poor Karma! LOL

I always enjoy seeing pictures of your art. :)

Queenie Jeannie said...

I'm sorry to hear that all of this is stressin' you out!!!! Art is supposed to be fun!! Perhaps getting loose in art will transfer to loosening up in other areas of your life??? Good luck!

I think I have pink eye in my right eye. UGH! It hurts soooo badly and I have my contacts out. Which means I can't see...at all, lol! So this comment needs to end!

Far Side of Fifty said...

Well I think they look great..I like that you wrote Loose and Free..now how about RELAX! In capital letters.
I often have out of control dreams..along with my looking for a clean potty dreams..maybe we are just strange LOL:) :)

betty said...

I never know what to make of dreams; but I don't like the dreams that are so distressing when you are dreaming them. I have recurrent dreams of running out of food when I do hospitality at church, which makes me always buy more than we need when I do it so we don't run out of food :)

I do like your doodles; I would think just doodling to doodle for the fun of it? Not sure it there should be a rhyme or reason to doodling?

great pictures of the sky in various stages between storms, sun, etc.


Dave said...

Rita, I enlarged your artwork pictures up and I like them. Does it really matter how long it takes you to do them? So long as you enjoy what you are doing. I also have crazy dreams like those sometimes - Dave

Celticspirit said...

I love the pages you made! They are very creative and the colors go together so nicely. Good job!

Harvest Moon by Hand said...

If I had even a small fraction of your creativity and talent I'd be thrilled. Your pages are so beautiful. I'm glad you posted them. Your work is inspiring!

Toriz said...

But art is therapy; it gives you the oppertunity to experiment in ways you never would otherwise!

Intense Guy said...

What a strange dream - it's almost as if perhaps care of the new fish you have are "deep down inside you" a burden... even though you love them and want them to live forever.

I find dreams hard to get a handle on... some of the 'imagery' and symbolism isn't well linked to the conscious mind and is baffling.

As for the art... well, I'm sure Picasso and Renoir both agonized over their work - perhaps the true test is what OTHERS think of it...

...and I find it dazzling.