Thursday, December 23, 2010

Me, GA, and SC-Part 1: The Hamster and The Crow

I have been wondering how in the world to start this story. After all, I didn't even know GA (what I call my guardian angel for short) was an actual entity and not just my conscience talking inside my head until about 36 years ago when Dagan was a baby. I didn't even begin to start trying to learn about "energy work" until about 17 years ago--1993, when I was 42 years old. And the last 11 years--well, I moved up here to Fargo-Moorhead to go to college and the energy work went by the wayside. My spiritual path--especially as concerns energy work--has been choppy and sporadic, to say the least.

The only thing I always knew without a doubt for as far back as I can remember was that I believed in God. He was there for absolutely everyone and everything--and could do anything. God was pure, unconditional love. Looking back, I had GA guidance all along. I never questioned where it came from. As I got older I thought of it as just my naggy conscience in my head. (That I argued with--hehe!) I had my first religious crisis when I was five. Looking back--GA was there all along--even when I didn't consciously acknowledge it or know what it was.

Seems like my whole life I've had this personal internal battle going on between good and evil--worthiness and worthlessness. But in a crisis--when somebody's hurting--I reacted on auto-pilot--no hesitation--with total, unquestioning belief that God would want to comfort and help them and I'd run to their aid. Took me many years to consciously stop and think about how that made any sense whatsoever--ROFL! All I can say is that I don't question God's decisions or try to direct or make requests or heal or actually DO anything myself--on any conscious level. It is none of my business. That may make no sense to anybody but me--hehe!

I just always knew that if I asked on a soul level to be of service that God or the Universal Energy or whatever you want to call that positive force could use me--direct me--guide me as to what to do to soothe that soul--be it animal or human. I was a conduit--a straw--a tool. But I never stopped to think about it. It was just something I did automatically in a crisis. I thought everybody could do it. (I guess I still do.)


Well, it's not like there are too many crises to handle under the age of 10--ROFL! My experiences were mostly being out in the wild prairie area near our house. I did a lot of roaming about alone. Around that age I started collecting rodents and we got a dog and cat.

The things that happened were pretty subtle, I think. Looking back, there were a couple of animal incidents that were tied together in a strange way--and they set the stage, I guess. I didn't really remember them until I went to a psychic reader in my 20s. She asked me if I remembered holding a small animal like this (she demonstrated, hand cupped against my heart) and carrying it around for a long time--hours?

Instantly I remembered the hamster! I had those cages in the garage and one of my brown hamsters got out. I searched all over for it and figured it had gotten out the small garage door that had been open. I'm not sure how many days later I was looking for something in the garage and spotted the hamster lying on the bottom of an empty bucket. It was covered in eggs--yellowish oval maggot eggs--looked fat enough to start hatching! The hamster was limp and cool to the touch even tho it was a hot day. I sat and picked the maggot eggs off--one by one. Worried about the poor little hamster because it flopped in my hand as I moved it about to get each sticky egg off his fur. I was heartbroken--because it was my fault if he died. I hadn't secured the cage door well enough. His death was on my head. I felt that painfully in my heart.

After all the eggs were finally picked off, I gently washed him up with warm water and a little soap to clean all the sticky residue off his fur. Rinsed him off really well and massaged him dry with a towel--got a clean dry towel and carried him about--cupped as she showed me--on my chest--next to my heart, as she said. I tried to listen to his chest with my ear--and watch to see if his chest moved--nothing. Tried to give him water with an eyedropper, but it just dribbled out between his teeth. So I carried him around like that for a couple of hours--thinking that he just needed to warm up--and that it wasn't too late, he shouldn't give up, and didn't have to die. I was so-so-so sorry.

I had almost forgotten him--like he was just a part of my chest--when I felt him start to wiggle! And breathe and open his dark eyes--and with tears on my cheeks I rubbed him well and petted him--loved him up good! He drank water from the eyedropper. Within half an hour he was eating and drinking and running on the wheel. Blew me away! But I had forgotten all about it.

Anyways, I told the psychic reader--yes, I did. It was a hamster. And she asked me, did you know that it had passed over and you brought it back?

Come again?

What do you say to something like that a dozen years after the fact? I laughed. How ridiculous!

Later that night I remembered another critter incident I had forgotten. Happened after saving the hamster. We were visiting relatives in Minneapolis and us kids were playing outside. It was getting closer to dusk--bummer time for kids because you know the parents won't let you stay outside much longer after dark. I happened to see something fall off a nearby building. Just fall. But it looked like it might have tried to flap a little halfway down? How could a bird possibly fall off a building? Of course, I had to go see.

I was shocked to find a big black bird on the ground! The building was maybe three stories high, I think. Long way to fall. It might have been a crow, not sure. Could have been a starling. It seemed huge to me, but then I was only about ten. I thought it was a crow. Anyways, it didn't seem to have its balance--would flip in somersaults. I picked it up and held it upright in my lap. Just automatically started to move my free hand over the body to calm it down. It never tried to peck at me or claw to get away. But I will swear on a stack of bibles that I could hear it in my head telling me--just let me go--let me go.

At the time--probably because I was used to the occasional GA remarks in my head (not that I knew that was where they were coming from), and on rare occasions could hear people's thoughts, it didn't strike me as the least bit odd I might hear a bird's thoughts. The bird was dying and just wanted to die in peace. So, I lifted him up on my arm so he could grip it like a branch and I held his chest to steady him. He didn't want to die on the ground. We just sat there--watching the sunset. I kept him company. And while I did I heard in my head--in no uncertain terms--remember this--it is wrong to interfere--it is none of your business. After the sun had faded away, his talons loosened, he went limp, and he was gone.

But, since I never believed the hamster was dead (and still just can't), I never put that together with the crow saying "just let me go" and the GA lecture--until some lady tells me about the hamster all those years later. She tried to tell me I was a healer and have been in many past lives. And the very label really bothered me (still does). Later, when I remembered the crow--I knew why. I am just a conduit. I don't direct anything and am not supposed to. Healing--that is none of my business. Only God or that holy energy or whatever you want to call it knows what is best for each particular soul.

So, bizarre as this sounds--(even to me-ROFL!)--the backstory has begun.


Intense Guy said...

No wisecracks from the peanut gallery today. This is a beautiful piece of writting and so very spiritually deep.

Cold science would have you believe that the hamster was only nearly dead - and the crow was obviously the same... with the outcomes predicated on the treatments.

...but even cold science cannot see what we can't see... there is so much more 'out there' then what the five very limited human senses perceive.

Imagine what things would be like if we could perceived more? We would drown in the overload. Take Serena's awe-inspiring painting... I can feel - even - at a distance of a thousand miles (give or take) much more than I can "see" in and within it. Or that magnificent buttonwood tree - I feel the sap pulsing in it, even while just gazing on a black and white picture of it...

I think our sensorial limits 'protect' us and allow us to function.

You've been blessed with experiences and cursed with others... somehow those that we see as "curses" are enabling and let us see more of the blessings.

I might not hear very well - and be lost in depression many times - but they say, "The greatest art/music/prose springs from human agony.." It focuses and sharpens ones "output".


I'm sure that both the Hamster and the Crow consider themselves blessed to have touched you -

AliceKay said...

Iggy said it much better than I ever could. Spiritual writing. I was immersed while reading.

I read your story of the teddy bear, but I don't have time to read your other back blogs. I'll do that when I have some time.

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

Can't wait to read more Rita!

I'm the very last one on the planet that will say that something is or is not possible. I know that God uses us for his purposes - there is no reason to believe that he was so active back in the Biblical days and then just went on vacation.

Merry Christmas Sweetie!

Rita said...

Iggy--Funny you should mention Serena's painting. I can feel a piece of her shining soul in those daisies. She paints with her heart. :) And the cottonwood tree--when I look at the pictures I can almost feel the presence--how it always felt like it guarded the house. :)
I agree. The things we think are the worst events are sometimes the best ones in the long run for our souls. You come out the other end better in ways that nothing but that terrible time could have taught you. Well, it can. We always have the choice to open or to close our hearts and minds. :)

AliceKay--Glad you found it immersable. :):) You'll end up knowing more about me in some respects than you probably want to know by the time I am done--hehe! I hope you enjoy the story links, too.

Donna--There's more coming. Hopefully almost every day till New Year's Eve. :)
Merry Christmas to you, too!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Wow! I'm just blown away by your stories and feel so blessed and closer to God. Thank you so much for sharing these and I look forward to reading more!

I second everything Iggy said!

Rita said...

Jeannie--Thanks so much! If they lift you up in any way, that's absolutely awesome!! I couldn't ask for anything more. :):)

Serena Lewis said...

A beautiful, beautiful post, touching! I re-read your other story links too...loved the rabbit one. I have always felt 'connected' to animals and this post resonates with me so much. Iggy put it into words so well when he spoke of the 'feeling' we have within that cold science simply cannot explain or brush aside.

P.S. - I'm very touched that you and Iggy feel the love and energy I put into my paintings. It means a lot.

Rita said...

Serena--Thanks so much, Lady! Sounds like we were both born animal lovers. :)
I'm sure it's not just Iggy and I who can feel and see the love you put into your paintings. ;) I'm looking at the daisies right now--and they are like a celebration of life itself. :)