Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Me, GA, and SC-Part 4: the running girl and "bunny stuff"

My life was filled with challenges and changes--leaps of insight and fallow years--loves and losses--great spiritual confusion and moments of crystal clarity. Even after "meeting" GA I never believed he was around all the time. I knew he flashed in when somebody else needed assistance, but I thought he begrudgingly arrived when I was so spiritually lost it was his obligation to show up and kick some spiritual butt. Like he had drawn the shortest straw with the guardians. Obviously everyone has a guardian angel or I certainly wouldn't have one, right?

I gradually learned to pay closer attention to coincidences and to this zapping thing that would happen to me ever since I can remember. A tingly feeling starting at the top of my head and working down my body--usually happened when I was wrestling with spiritual decisions, pondering what was the right thing to do--when I was struck speechless by the beauty of words or the earth or music or love--and it was always there at those spiritual light bulb moments. Hard to explain because I wasn't paying attention as to when it happened--it had just always happened on occasion and I related it to soul-positive things.

Fast forward to January, 1993. I had been married twice and my second live-in relationship was ending. My dream of finding that soulmate had slipped through my fingers--several times. There was obviously something deeply flawed in me. And I was unable to make good choices when it came to men--period. So, I totally gave up. Washed my hands of it. Handed my love life over to God/GA. Vowed that I would never get involved again unless the man was "GA Approved". And told GA that he would have to be as hit-me-over-the-head-obvious about it as he was with the quitting smoking. (Been alone since--ROFL!)

I thought my spiritual path had been the most important thing in my life, but I was so easily sidetracked by wanting to be loved (men), money issues, jobs, moving, and starting over so many times my head was spinning. I told GA that I wanted to put my spiritual path first from now on.

[Aside: I couldn't remember which year this all started and just went to go look it up in a box where I knew I had the "Soul Comfort" sheet I wrote out to give to people I worked on years ago. I just now realized that after I grumpily declared these things to GA in January--it was a few months later that I caught my fingers in a pressure roller at my fairly new job (I didn't want to be sidetracked by work so I got a factory job)--and then later my wrist muscles shredded because of the first accident and I was forced to leave that job....and the long downward health spiral began. ?? Maybe GA had to help kick me (forcefully!) right off my path--several times--before I ended up here in Fargo unable to do much of anything at all anymore! I am very stubborn and single minded at times. *ahem* Talk about your putting your spiritual path first, eh? Be careful what you ask for--ROFL!! Everything happens for a reason. Even if you have to wait a decade or two to be able to look back and see the bigger picture more clearly. LOL!!]

Anyways--I also don't recall exactly (but it was around Jan 1993) when I had one of those GA information things as I was waking up where he told me I was to learn how to do what I did in a crisis without the crisis.

What?! Come again?

He brought the accident with the girl who was hit by a car into my head. "Remember. Think about it."

I had forgotten all about her. Dagan was about three years old. I had split up with his dad (for the second and last time) and Dagan and I were living in Coon Rapids nearby where my dad worked. My folks encouraged me to come over and wash clothes over at their place to save money and my dad had picked us up after work with all our dirty clothes. It was cold, dusk, and it had started to snow--enough that there was a dusting of snow on the ground. Had to be late fall/early winter because there wasn't much snow accumulated on the ground at all--may have even been the first snowfall? We were driving down East River Road in Fridley--two lanes each direction and we were in the far right lane. My dad is a careful driver and the car up ahead of us, I noted, must have been, also, because we were keeping pace with him as the sun was disappearing.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl crossing in the middle of the road. A bus had just gone by in the other direction, so I figured she must have just gotten off the bus. I hadn't noticed her until she was about to cross the center line and come trotting across our lanes of traffic--head down--watching her feet so she didn't slip. But she never glanced up and kept going! And ran right in front of that car ahead of us!! She flew up and over the hood and landed on the side of the road!

Stop! Stop! I shouted at my dad! He pulled over. I told Dagan to stay right there in the car and wait--and I ran down the road toward the girl. I remember thinking maybe she was dying or having a seizure--because her legs were out stiff and shaking oddly. I tried to remember what I did--auto-pilot is a blurry thing. But I know I immediately got down on my knees in the snow besides her on her right side and held her hand. She was not conscious.

The driver was beside himself. I remember telling him it wasn't his fault--she never looked up to see him coming. A remember a couple strangers showed up--I asked someone to call an ambulance (this was long before cell phones and I don't know if we even had 911 yet?) and people to go look for a blanket or something. She was alive because she started to shiver. I told the driver man to go out on the road and get her shoe and I saw a book. He really needed something to do--was frozen in panic. So he did that in between cars.

She started to come to and was fighting to get up! I knew she shouldn't move. I laid my hand fully on her forehead--telling her to just lie still--and she sunk back onto the ground. Someone did come with a blanket or something to lay over her--but I remember I didn't let go of her hand to help them with the blanket. I remember explaining to her that she'd been hit by a car and that the ambulance was coming and she was going to be alright. I slowly stroked her forehead--like you are brushing hair back, you know? Told her--I'm here. I'll stay right here until they come. She never spoke. Just nodded her head that once. And she laid quietly while I talked to her-until the ambulance men came racing up. Couldn't have been more than 10 or 15 minutes from the time she was hit. I moved when they told me to.

My dad had come up. I remembered seeing him earlier. Where did the people come from? Cars that stopped? There wasn't really much around there as far as buildings go? I remember wondering where they had found to call for the ambulance? I listened to her cry and watched as they cut her jean pant's leg up the side and saw the bone sticking out of her leg--poor thing! Gave a policeman my memory and then dad and I walked back to the car where little Dagan was sitting so quietly in the warm car--waiting with big eyes. I told him all about what happened.

[Aside: I wrote everything down when I got to my folks' place and gave a detailed statement over the phone a few days later. Years later the case was going to court and they called me to testify. I saw the girl in the hallway, but she quickly turned away from any eye contact. I was relieved that she was okay, tho--and walked fine. I was there to repeat my story that the man couldn't have possibly expected anyone to run across three lanes of traffic right in front of his car in the near darkness. Not that I blamed her, either. She was a young teenager at the time, with her mind on other things and made a grave mistake. Someone came out and said they didn't need me to physically testify after they read my statement. But I was glad I got to see her.]

Anyways, so how do you deliberately replicate whatever the heck it was that you did in a crisis? Good grief! I usually couldn't remember too much of what I said--even right afterwards. I was totally lost on how on earth to proceed.

Different mornings I'd be told--"remember-think about it"--and be reminded of these things I already mentioned--the hamster--the crow--the tornadoes--the people on bummers--Dagan--and other incidents in my life.

Well, first of all, when you are on auto-pilot you do not think about yourself at all. In fact, I was so totally focused on the other person or animal that I wasn't fully aware of my surroundings unless I had to be. But how do you put yourself in that state of mind without an emergency to act on?

I "got" to sit quietly.

Well, my brain was always going 90mph and I couldn't shut it off. I tried music, but everything I had back then had somebody singing and I'd just listen and daydream and think. I was telling my friend, Ruby, about my dilemma and Ruby said she had recently heard this music on Public Radio and had gotten the cassette. Said she'd send me a copy. Music To Disappear In by Raphael. Well, the second it started I knew--this was it! (New age music and I became the best of friends--hehe!)

I practiced and practiced--until as soon as I heard Music To Disappear In begin I was like Pavlov's dog and could feel myself fall into the zone pretty quickly. This was not an easy task and took me months to accomplish. (I haven't been called "motor mouth" in my lifetime for nothing--hehe!)

Okay--now what?

Send energy out through your hands.

Huh? I don't remember that part. No--I don't remember doing that at all!

Okay then--I guess I needed something to focus on--to put my hands on. I used to do this in bed before I went to sleep and a girl I used to work with named Roxy had given me this stuffed rabbit for Christmas. I was not a stuffed animal person and wondered why on earth she had given me this stuffed rabbit in the first place. Well, it would do, I guess. In most times I remembered I focused on heads and hands. This stuffed bunny had a head and tiny stumpy arms, right? It would have to do.

So, I practiced with my music and my bunny--feeling mighty foolish at times, I tell you--not having a clue whether this was working or not working--or if I was doing it properly or just wasting my time holding a stuffed bunny's head--ROFL!

I had only told my closest people about any of this "bunny stuff". Didn't know what else to call it, you know? I felt kind of ridiculous and pompous to think I could actually do any of this in the first place, so a bit of a silly label seemed fitting. I didn't think of any of this as "energy work" or "meditation" or any of those terms at that time. Just was trying to figure out with GA's guidance how to do what he "suggested" that I learn how to do.

Since his next step was to try this with actual people--well, I needed to call it something, right? It became "bunny stuff".

And here is my favorite part of Music To Disappear In. It lifts the soul. At least mine. Enjoy! :):)


Parsley said...

Very interesting post. I do believe we have untapped energy inside...that God has given us gifts to use under his guidance that we may not even know about.

Parsley said...

Got to thinking more on this. You know...the Bible talks about giftings. As long as we know it's GOD and not us that has abilities, rather he uses us, then that is a real treasure.

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

You're an excellent writer Rita. I was so sad to see this post end but I can't wait to read the next one!

Intense Guy said...

I was told do some Yoga when the depression set in - to clear my head - listen to some music that didn't "lead me anywhere". I like your description better. "To get lost in" and I listened to a bunch of music - looking for the perfect tune(s).

I eventually found the "Nadia's Theme (The Young and the Restless)" album. Strictly instrumental and I think, inspired.

Nadia's Theme - Barry De Vorzon & Perry Botkin Jr
Bellavia - Chuck Mangione
Bless The Beasts And Children - Barry De Vorzon & Perry Botkin Jr
Chase The Clouds Away - Chuck Mangione
Zero To Sixty In Five - Pablo Cruise
Down The Line - Barry De Vorzon & Perry Botkin Jr
Rainbow City - Michel Colombier
My Reverie - Ira Sullivan

I remember getting so lost in the music that I was playing the instruments and nothing more.

The yoga was less and less the moves and more and more the quiet contemplation...

I wonder if the little girl got a big insurance payout...

AliceKay said...

This is so profound. It sounds like you've used this energy in very positive ways ever since it was first given to you. I'll be looking forward to the next part in this series.

"Music To Disappear In" sounds like something I'd like to listen to when trying to fall to sleep. I can hear why you would find it very soul lifting. I listen to a cd by Paul Baker called "Peace Beyond Words" every night when trying to fall to sleep.

Rita said...

Parsley--Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! :):):)

Donna--Thanks so much! I'm getting more written sooner than I thought so there might be one or two left. So glad you enjoy them. :)

Iggy--Wow! You gave me quite a list! I'm going to copy these down. I was amazed at how instrumental music can soothe and lift the soul and open the heart. I'm so happy to know that music does that for you. :):)

Now I have to copy and paste and watch the youtube video....;)

Rita said...

AliceKay--Thanks, Lady! I listened to a sample or two of Peace Beyond Words. Very nice! I love MTDI because there's nothing jarring in it--great for meditation--or to fall asleep to, yup! :):)

Serena Lewis said...

It sounds like you and I have had similar experiences as far as relationships go, Rita. My relationships have been disasters but I am grateful that my kids came from them.

I kinda have the Buddhist take on 'God' as we don't believe in a God per-se but rather, in seeking enlightenment, just as the first Buddha did. We are each 'God' within ourselves...hence the Higher Self terminology. We are all a part of Source Energy but have chosen to take physical form, however, that connection to Source Energy is always present and we can tap into it when we focus/meditate/go into the zone etc. The more we get closer to attaining enlightenment, the more spiritually connected we feel on a regular basis. Yes, I believe our gifts come directly from Source Energy...that which most people call God...I just don't see it as a separate entity from our Self. That said, being baptised Catholic and having my childhood roots based in Catholicism, I will often use the term 'God' but, again, I don't perceive it as a single or separate entity. When I pray to God, I am basically praying to the Inner Self which is a part of Source Energy.

Please don't think I'm knocking your own belief or perception because I'm certainly not...I would never do that. I totally respect ALL beliefs because, ultimately, we are all praying or believing in the same thing anyways....just with different perceptions. I hope that all makes sense.

I'm catching up with your blog today, Rita, and thoroughly enjoying reading about your experiences. Special stuff!

Love, light and peace,
Serena xo

Serena Lewis said...

I meant to add that I love listening to relaxation music...also Native American Pipe and Celtic music. Thanks for the link...I've downloaded it ~ :)

Rita said...

Serena--Yup! Sounds like similar experiences with the men in our lives--hehe!

I think we are pretty similar with spirituality, too. I don't care what people call it--God, Allah, The Universal Energy, The Source, whatever. I never know what to call that powerful energy source that we are all a part of. Only when I write about it do I need to find a label or description. Being brought up Methodist, I call it God, too. Meeting GA and feeling actual energy that comes from outside of myself, tho--I know there is something beyond myself out there. Even if I am still a part of it and connected to it--it is much more powerful than I am alone.

I enjoy Buddha and the path to enlightenment, too. Native American beliefs. So many...I think there are many pathways to god, too. Including Jesus teachings (which I am the most familiar with). Most religions are about being a better person and being good to other people.

I personally believe in one god or one source. But if a belief in multiple gods or deities makes someone a kinder, better person--then that's a good and positive thing, too. Any belief system that encourages us to be more loving, forgiving, and kind to each other is a good thing for humanity. :):)

I like The Native American flute and Celtic music, too. :)