Wednesday-11am

You have to double click on these to see them well. This is what I saw when I was working away by the window yesterday. They finally came with shingles for that center garage. It has been sitting like this for over a week--maybe two. That was all they did yesterday afternon--lay the packages of shingles along the top of the roof.

This is Miss Karma's favorite CatTV channel! 8:30pm--a dozen kids! Makes it scary to drive in the parking lot--something I will be doing occasionally now. :)

Many of them own bicycles or tricycles. They love to play in that puddle that forms after the rain. There's an older, near teenage boy who has a key to that blue car--and he sits in it with the door open. Doesn't look old enough to drive, but then people are mysteriously getting younger looking the older I get--hehe! Something upset that mom in the green who came out--at the end of the sidewalk there. She was looking crabby and saying something to the boy in the car--and shortly thereafter the parking lot was bare again? I don't know what happened or where they all went. Karma does, but she's not talking.

Another gorgeous day. They're mowing and weed-whipping the lawn this morning. The smell of fresh cut grass is in the air! I don't see and haven't heard that anything has been done so far with the shingles. Rain is supposed to be back later tonight. I am sure glad my garage isn't in that section.

I know a lot of people use their garages for storage. Some of the garages are full--right to the front--like a storage locker. I think a few of these people have lost their homes/houses. They keep their car outside all year round because they have no room in the garage. People come and go here. Seems like there are people moving in and out all the time--especially now in the nicer weather. Me--I'll be here forever--hehe!

Tuesday-10:30am

I guess we had a young black bear wandering along Highway 29 and 32nd Avenue South yesterday--a matter of blocks from here. The police kept him blocked up against the fence with their cars until they came to tranquilize the poor fellow. Hauled him up north--beyond Grand Forks, I guess--and released him.

Strange surroundings--unfamiliar territory--but better than shot dead, eh? I guess he had been working his way north along Hwy 29. There had been sightings the day before farther south. When he trapped his young self on the wrong side of the Highway fencing--then he was exposed and vulnerable. Probably was a good thing for him, tho. He's got a chance to survive and live a long life now. :)

Meanwhile, Karma has been sleeping lately in her stroller behind my chair. It is a good spot for her to be able to see me working at the table. She has to keep an eye on me, you know--hehe!

Rained a few times yesterday--once really hard. Around us we had thunderstorms and hail--and several tornadoes up north (wonder where they were bringing the bear?).

I was reading this morning on Handprint about the best watercolor paints. Seems like they recommend Winsor Newton, Daniel Smith, M. Graham, and Maimeri. I have Maimeri, thanks to Lynnette! My other brands--not so good, I guess. And DaVinci manufactures Cheap Joe's paints! But they tested pretty well, actually--and are really reasonably priced. I've been fascinated by Daniel Smith paints. What a variety! And they rated very high in the testing, too. When I get around to buying more paints--I know which brands to buy, eh? :)

Meanwhile--still working on the second secret project (making progress) and waiting for my order to arrive from Haiying. It's a beautiful, happy birds, windows open morning--63 degrees and sunny. :)

Monday-10:15am

Light rain today. Just working on the second secret project. I should be able to post the first one in a week or so! :) Doesn't leave me a lot to post, does it? Doing well--just busy with stuff I can't talk about yet--hehe!

I have to call the office to give them the information on the Paseo so they don't have it towed away. Later... :)

Saturday-11:15am

You'll laugh! I tried and tried to get some pictures of the fireworks last night. If you double click on these you can actually see them--hehe! The first one is from the north end of my view.

This one was a double display--from the event about mid-way in my horizon.
I had no idea how hard it was to snap a picture of fireworks! My camera has a delay from when you hit the button and when it actually takes the picture--and fireworks are very fleeting! Literally--poof and they are gone! Plus--I can see and hear fireworks across the entire horizon from as far north and south as I can see. Three or four main events and the rest are illegal, I assume--hehe! These two shots are from two of the main displays. There are another one or two farther south, but these were hard enough to get.

The wind was blowing in my direction, so they look far away (look farther away in the pictures than they seem in person), but the smell of pyrotechnics was wafting in the air long before they started setting off firecrackers in our parking lot--hehe! After all the legal, scheduled events are finished--all the illegal fireworks keep going off here and there for another 30-45 minutes. All the crazy people hoping not to get caught by the police (fireworks are illegal inside the city limits) or get their fingers blown off--chuckle!

This year the weather was perfect! I thought I'd be sitting out on the porch, but the enclosed porch made it much harder to see them at all--since they are low to the horizon. So, I sat in a chair by the open windows--Miss Karma sat sideways in the other one like she does--and we actually watched (and smelled) them together for the first time. Karma was fascinated--but jumpy. Was really a wild Cat TV night, that's for sure! ROFL!!

Happy 4th!!

Friday-8:45am

Happy Independence Day To Me!!!

Dagan picked me up after work and we went to Best Buy. I got my converter box for the TV. Dagan bought it for me! :) Then we went over to their place so I could see their new giant TV that got delivered yesterday--which they are watching on camping chairs--hehe! (Store credit for the appliances they no longer need that were for the house.) Leah wasn't home when we got there, but when she came home--it was with a washed and filled Paseo--told me I was driving myself home!! I am covered on their insurance! Awesome!!

I took pictures over at Dagan and Leah's. (Look at all the trees around there! So many for a new development? Nice!)

And I took pictures of Dagan and Leah's new Nissan Versa, too.

Such a cute little hatchback!

Kind of daunting--getting behind the wheel after around five years or so. I had a car briefly around five years ago or so--gifted to me by a friend of a friend in college. It had been her Mother-In-Law's car and she had called it Blueberry Betty. I was going to call the car Faith--so she was called Blueberry Betty Faith. BBFaith lasted for less than a year, I think. I drove her about once a week. Other than that--I haven't had a car since I moved here in 1999!! Well, it is still Dagan and Leah's car, of course--but it will be over here with me. :)

Dagan and Leah are so good to me!!

It all came back to me--like riding a bike--hehe!

So, I have my own independence, too, today! I still can't quite wrap my mind around it--but I will. Am I going anyplace today? Nope. :) But, I will be sitting here savoring the thought that I can drive myself to my doctor appointment on the 14th!! That CashWise was out of my toilet paper yesterday and I can drive over to Target--whenever I want!--and buy some! Don't have to call Dagan and Leah to see who can take me....ahhhhhh--freedom!

Thursday-10am

Beautiful, cool night--windows open--about 48 degrees last night. Predicting 74 degrees today--my perfect, preferred weather!

Been busy with the secret project and watching Netflix DVDs. Been watching Elizabeth R, 1971 Masterpiece Theater production. Done in the old way--looks more like a play (like I, Claudius--one of my favorites).

Based on six plays, this Emmy Award-winning miniseries from the BBC depicts -- with deft attention to historical detail and style -- the extraordinary life of Queen Elizabeth I (Glenda Jackson). Also known as the Virgin Queen, she challenged the status quo (most notably in her refusal to marry), and survived plots to overthrow her, local politics and family turmoil to build the British Empire into the most powerful military force in the 1600s.

I have to say that I really liked a newer version I watched recently--Elizabeth: The Golden Age, 2007, with Cate Blanchett. I watched the 1998 Elizabeth she made first.

Reprising her Oscar-nominated role from 1998's Elizabeth, Cate Blanchett is once again at the head of the cast as the Virgin Queen (earning her another Oscar nod) in this Shekhar Kapur-directed sequel to that film. Focusing on the queen's tempestuous relationship with the adventurer Sir Walter Raleigh, the film also stars Clive Owen (as Raleigh), Geoffrey Rush (as Sir Francis Walsingham) and Samantha Morton (as Mary, Queen of Scots).

I was surprised at how many movies have been made about the Virgin Queen Elizabeth! She was quite the character! Always interesting, I guess, because she didn't do what was expected of her and yet the people loved her.

Well, I have CashWise coming this afternoon--food! hehe! And Dagan is coming by after work to bring me over to Best Buy to buy a converter box for my television set. I have a government coupon to help with the cost. I wonder what the picture is going to look like after the transistion next February?

For those of you in the U.S.--have a nice. long 4th of July weekend! :)

Wednesday-7:45am

I saw 92 degrees at one point yesterday--online weather. Karma spent the day soaking up the heat and humidity.

Hard to get pictures through the glass of the porch door. :)

Myself--I stayed inside where it was cool and kept busy!

Dagan and Leah got their keys Monday night (30th) and moved to the new townhouse--with just their air mattress, sleeping bags, and some clothes, etc. They have moved a few boxes from the storage area. Found some boxes of dishes, their silverware, and some pots and pans last night. At least they can eat! :)

Leah is going to be gone to Minneapolis over the long weekend for a bridal shower. (Her friend, Amber--the one she helped make her wedding invitations). The following weekend they have a gaming group coming--was planned long ago--even have people coming from Canada. They can't do the moving all at once over a weekend--for three weekends. So, they are thinking of maybe moving things in the evenings with a truck--little by little--starting next week after Leah is back home?

Doesn't matter how they get moved in--they are thrilled to be there!! And they have their new little Versa hatchback to help with the smaller stuff, too. They'll be happy to have their own things around them again--when they get them all over there--hehe! They've been basically living out of suitcases since the end of April. Nice to have your own roof over your head--rented or not. This will be a wonderful home for them. :)

Right now--it is 59 degrees and humid, but I opened up all the windows. Not supposed to get that hot out today (72)--so we'll see how it goes with the high humidity? I much prefer to have the windows all open and the breeze, if I am able to, than all closed up with the AC. Watched a beautiful lightning storm off to the east last night --lighting up the dark sky. I wish I could paint something like that.

Anyways, hope you are having a good day, too! :)

Tuesday-10:15am

I did work on the next secret project a little, but I got sidetracked--hehe! I wanted to see if the long eyelets would be long enough for the leather journal. So, I cut the leather to cover size and used a scrap. Yup--just barely long enough! So, I cut the holes and set the eyelets.

Then I thought--well, I'll just pick out the waxed thread.

Made a template for the holes...

...and cut all the holes in the watercolor paper.

Next thing I knew--it was sewn together!

Had to lay the scissors on top to hold down the stiff 140 lb. watercolor paper--wants to bounce open, just like the first one I made with watercolor paper. I ran out of thread and had to knot another hunk on to finish it. There's a big knot in the stitching--second to the right. Oh well.

Six signatures of two pages each.

Didn't turn out too badly!

I think I need to try another version of coptic stitching now that I have gotten the hang of this a little. This version is apparently a little bit of a cheating kind of stitching, according to the man who made the video on YouTube. I think I could find one that is maybe a little more complicated, but that might lie even flatter?

Got up to 88 degrees yesterday. Had to close it up and cool it down in here. Today is supposed to hit 90 degrees, so I didn't bother to open it up last night. They predicted it would be back up to 80 by noon. Supposed to have thunderstorms this afternoon or tonight--and then cooler again (highs in the 70s). Right now it is only 73--so I am going out on the porch with Karma to read. Caroline comes this afternoon to clean. I will hopefully be working on the secret project today, too. Sunshine anybody? :)

Monday-6:15am

Was a gorgeous day yesterday!! And supposed to have more of the same for a couple of days. Have had the place wide open, day and night, nice breeze (of course--it's North Dakota), cool at night and not too hot during the day--ahhh!!! Been spending time on the porch writing bookcards and reading.

This was the view yesterday from the porch.

Couldn't ask for a better day!

Supposed to have more of the same for a couple more days, too. I will be taking advantage of it.

Jennifer posted a picture of her embellished cover on the journal she made when she was over. You can see it here:

http://jenifleur-de-lis.blogspot.com/

I am planning on getting back to the second secret project today. :)

It might not be so peaceful, I suppose. We got a notice that the construction company is starting repairwork on the roofs and siding on both buildings today. I am in building A--they are starting on building B.

Nobody has been here yet about the leaking from the bedroom window. It stopped on its own. ??? Hasn't been leaking in the subsequent rain. Odd. I told the maintenance man when I saw him outside last week. Probably why I haven't seen anybody. No rush on mine any more. :)

Anyways, the construction company was also supposed to go around and put that seal around each of the windows in both buildings. I haven't heard anything going on or seen any vehicles--but then I haven't really been looking. Karma probably knows. She's always spying out the windows--her Cat TV. Sometimes I wish she spoke English--hehe!

Have a good one!

Sunday-11am

This is the new car Dagan and Leah got--in a silver color.

http://www.nissanusa.com/versa/

It is soooo cute--has a lot of room inside for a small car! They love it!

I finished the first secret project (can't post anything until after mailed in July)--but I am so happy and excited to be done! :) Now I can get on with the second secret project--hehe!

Leah made a card, Dagan worked on my laptop, Leah made cupcakes, and we watched a couple Netflix movies. They left around midnight. I didn't get to bed until 1:30am. Tired but happy--so this is it for today--short and sweet. :)

Saturday-6:15am

Good Morning!

My goodness! Lots of excitement yesterday! Since Dagan and Leah have two older cars and no car payments--and if they file bankruptcy their payment will be based on their expenses--and since they will probably be paying for five years on a bankruptcy and will certainly need a car before five years--and since they have been talking about getting another car anyways, because the Paseo won't last forever--they got another car! They need good transportation up here, since the bus system isn't the best (I can attest to that!! Majority of the buses don't even run past 6pm!)

Dagan called about 8:15pm last night--won't tell me anything about the car. Says I have to wait to see it. (I probably couldn't picture it if they told me, to be honest---hehe! I know so little about cars.) They would have come and showed it to me last night, but I was fading away at the time--ready to crash. [Was in bed by 9pm! Still on this "early to bed, early to rise" schedule--wonder if it will make me healthy, wealthy, and wise? No--that's "makes a man", right? hehe!] Anyways, Dagan and Leah will come over this afternoon and show it to me. Another big worry taken care of. :)

And--they told me--hold on to your seats--I can keep the Paseo here and drive the Paseo! I would have a car!! It would be good for just around town here. I could get to my doctor's appointents and such--by myself again! Wow! I am still absorbing this!

Dagan bought the little red Paseo for like $3,000.00 back around 2001 maybe? I can't remember how old it is. Still runs well. Would have been practically worthless as a trade in. Wow! I am overwhelmed!!!

Guess this means I have to finish cleaning the garage and call for a donation pick up! Dagan and Leah will help me, they said. Wow! I need to make room for a car!!! :)

Friday-7:30am

First of all, before I get into Karma and the Treat Game--Leah has added more pictures to the Picasa album. You can see all the pictures they took of the house and read all Leah's comments along the way. There are examples of more shoddy workmanship, but if you scroll down you can see the last and final fiasco they had to deal with--water in the basement! OMG! I didn't realize it was sooo bad!

But then, after all the pictures of the house--Leah has all the pictures she just took of the new townhouse. They have to wait until the first of July to move, BTW. Can't get in this weekend. Oh well, it will definitely be worth waiting for!

Here's the link:

http://picasaweb.google.com/leahmcgregor/McGregorManor

Okay--Miss Karma and the "treat game". Warning! Those of you who dislike/hate cats or are bored with people's "cute" animal/baby/children stories--spare yourself the torture--stop right here and go no further. For the rest of you or even the mildly curious--read on--hehe!

This is what the endtable looks like next to my chair. I always have scratch paper pads, jars of pens, the remotes, and a coffee mug or water thermos nearby.

The top drawer holds Karma's treats, which I transfer to jars.
Now, she had completely forgotten about them (me, too) for over a year! I remembered them a month or so ago--and Miss Karma has become obsessed with the new treat game. I take treats and throw them here and there around the apartment--make her run and search--from the porch door to the kitchen. In the past, I just handed her a couple--no thrills, no excitement--no wonder she forgot about them--hehe!

But playing the treat game--well, it was getting to the point where she'd rather eat the treats than her dry food. (So much more fun, right?) Saying no to Karma when she has her mind set on something --- well, she's a character and I'm kind of like a bad grandmother. She cracks me up and I let her get away with things I would never have let my other cats do. I made the mistake of laughing and giving her the treats when she did the following--and there was no going back!

First, Karma sits right under the treat drawer and stares at me. She usually does this at night. Not too often during the day.
If I do not respond to her "polite" entreaty, the next thing will be a paw whipping up to wipe the scratch pads onto the floor!

If I tell her no or ignore her--then she starts seriously threatening to swipe other things off the endtable!

She has discovered, by trial and error, which items would keep me chuckling (an empty coaster, a pen, or the remotes) and would eventually get the treat game started--and which items would really upset me and were off limits (the coffee mug, water thermos, my pen cups) and game would be over before it started--and she would also be out of luck for a day or two until she was off my list--hehe!

But the treats are too rich (too many can make her barf), not to mention too expensive. I tried taking her regular dry food, putting it in a jar, and pretending it was a treat. She can smell the difference! When I was out of treats and trying to pawn off her own food on her--well, she would sit on the side of the endtable (where a getaway would be much easier), glaring at me, and that paw would come up between the pen cups--just threatening to pull my pens off--over and over again!! Just to annoy me! She never actually made a move to swipe off the pen cups--just would lay her paw up there and glare at me like a defiant toddler. We were not on good terms when there were no real treats and no treat game--chuckle!

So, I went to PetSmart to find some kind of dry cat food that she hadn't had in her food dish. This was not an easy task, because I buy up several kinds and mix them all together in this big tub. I did find a couple bags she hadn't had before--Eukanuba and Whiskas!

Now normally, if I have some left over parts of bags that won't fit into her tub, I can leave them sit on the floor in the pantry and she doesn't pay any attention to them. But her excellent sniffer told her these were different--and she was constantly in there pawing at the bags and pushing them around the pantry floor! She sure does have a good sniffer! (She can tell the difference between regular cat food and the diet stuff, too--hehe! She'll eat it eventually--but the diet kibbles will be the last ones in the bowl. And they are mixed all together--so she can sniff them out!)

I finally had to find some containers and jars and put it all of both those bags up and away on the shelves in the pantry. So--this idea worked really well! She believes they are treats because they smell different. And I have treats to last a long, long time--and yet it is just regular cat food--hehehe! We are both happy. I just have to remember to never buy these and forget and mix them in her regular cat food bin--hehe!

I took it easy yesterday. Pretty sore. Better today. They're supposed to be coming to look at the windows--had a notice on the door for yesterday (9am-5pm), but they never came. So probably today. Had thunderstorms early this morning--but it looks like it has stopped raining. Got to go get decent in case they come early. :)

Thursday-6am

Pictures of Dagan and Leah's new townhouse! I could only fit 17 pictures on my camera and it was full. Leah took some more, so I can show more when I get those--but this is what I got. That's Dagan and Leah's car in the driveway.

Their door is the one to the right of the car. The double garage is completely finished off inside.
This is the entryway and closet. [Note: What you can't see--to my immediate left is the door to the garage and behind me is the front door.] You go straight ahead and to the left are some stairs up to the living room and kitchen--and the stairs down to the lower level.
Here's the living room--has a fireplace! Leah was taking pictures at the same time--hehe!

Big windows and a nice size deck off the sliding glass doors. There's Dagan giving a thumb's up! Gorgeous view!!!

It is beautiful and amazingly peaceful outside--considering they are still pretty close to the freeway. Can't hear the traffic as well because of all the trees. This is the direct view off the deck.

This is the view to the right--the Sheyenne River is back in the trees there, so they won't ever have neighbors back here!

This is to the left--still sodding. It is just beautiful back there! They will definitely use this deck! Hopefuly they'll have nice neighbors.

This shot is from inside the sliding glass doors. Nice large kitchen.

Here you can see the stairs from the entryway to the left and the stairs to the top level in the center.

Upstairs there is a bedroom to the right.

And the master bedroom to the left.

The master bedroom has a walk-in closet.

And here's the bathroom.

We walked downstairs--and all I got was the laundry room with the furnace and waterheater. Ran out of room on the camera.

But there is another bedroom with a bathroom and a den-like room, too, on the lower level. They picked up their mail key last night--already getting their mail sent there. (Had a Netflix movie--hehe!) They might be able to move in on Friday!

When we were inside, it looks pretty much done--mostly clean up left to do. All the carpeting is laid now. They need to stain the deck yet. But the staining has to wait until it has been dry long enough for the wood to be dry and then that it will stay dry long enough for the stain to dry. Been so rainy this spring--as everybody well knows who has had to deal with the flooding, etc. We have been lucky!

I couldn't get over all the trees in this new neighborhood! They must have left as many trees as they could and paid to buy larger trees to plant, too. Has a very homey, residential feel to the development. They will be very happy there, I think.

We went on to quickly shop a couple of places (one I can't tell you because it is related to the secret projects I am working on right now--hehe!). But the other one was PetSmart--for Miss Karma. Can't remember if I told you about Karma and her treats? Well, maybe tomorrow, okay? :)

Then Dagan and Leah treated me to Red Lobster! [I had our popcorn shrimp, Mary Lou!! Haven't been to a Red Lobster since I was there with you in Minneapolis many years ago, now. They are still delicious little things!] I have another meal still in the frig for today--with rice pilaf and broccoli--yummy!

Then we came back here. Dagan ordered me a disc from Dell for my laptop. One didn't come with it for reprogramming it, I guess. They went back to the little house for sale they are staying in. Hopefuly they just might be moving this weekend! It would be perfect timing. Leah is not on duty for the second job this weekend. I am saying a prayer that they can move in. :)

I was in bed by 9pm. :) Those of you who know me well must be getting a kick out of me being on this schedule--hehe! Anyways, after all the walking and stair climbing--will be taking it easy today. Thank goodness for these new pain pills! I could take one before I left yesterday--and do all that walking and not be limping and in pain--until today--chuckle!! They are very good for when I am out and about. Wonderful, in fact. Take the edge off. I will have to tell my doctor that when I see him next month. I'm on an R&R day--hope you are having a good day, too.

Wednesday-5:30am

Well, for as crummy as I felt when I got up yesterday--it all seemed to subside to a very tolerable level within about five hours and I actually got quite a bit done yesterday on one of my secret projects--tada! (Eventually I will post a lot of pictures on the whole process--let you know what I have been up to--hehe!)

I am still going to bed really early and getting up really early--greeting the sun. :) Today I am supposed to call Dagan around 4pm and let him know how I am feeling and if I am up to a quick shopping trip and seeing their new place. Since I missed the opportunity last week, I am hoping this will be a better day for it. And if we do go over to the unfinished townhouse, I hope to have pictures to post tomorrow. :)

In the meantime--back to the secret projects today.....

Tuesday-5am

I tried to leave the windows open yesterday. But it got uncomfortably hot in here and I finally had to relent and turn on the AC.

I had a bad headache yesterday--right side of head really stuffed up. Woke up this morning and I'm dizzy. I think my ear is plugged up, too. If it doesn't get better in a day or so, I suppose I'll have to go in to the doctor. Might have sinusitis, I suppose--have had that before. I'll be taking it easy today. :)

Update: 10am

Much less dizzy and headache not as bad now. Feeling markedly better than when I woke up. :) And the AC is on already--hehe!

Monday-5am

Karma was in no mood to be disturbed yesterday. She had been sitting looking out the open window, appreciating the beautiful day--I went to get a picture of her and she immediately acknowledged I was there and she sounded a little peeved. She does this thing where she throws her head back and talks to me--a cat over-the-shoulder greeting type of thing. If you add tail flicking to it and that tone in her voice.....

She was annoyed. I maybe scared off a fly on the screen--or just plain ruined her meditative state. Doesn't she look sad. She left in disgust.

Found herself a secret place to have a nap (under the bed) where I wouldn't intrude. She was in a much better mood after her nap--chuckle!

Funny--she does the same throwing the head back thing when she is all lovey-dovey and wants to cuddle with me. She talks away and purrs. Part of the head tossing thing then is she wants to be scratched and petted--trying to charm me into obliging her.

Cats! Gotta love em'!

Sunday-8am

Another cool, sunny morning!

The temperature climbs and I end up having to put the AC on, but beautiful first summer days.

Been busy with the secret project. Watched the last episodes of Ballykissangel yesterday. Not quite as good toward the end because too many of the main characters had left the show. The next series I will be renting is an old one from 1971--Elizabeth R with Glenda Jackson. I think I watched it many years ago. But right now I am watching The Other Boleyn Girl with Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. I'm taking a break--can only sit in the same position for so long--but it is really good so far. I seem to be on an English streak lately, don't I? hehe!

Such a calm, bright morning with the birds singing and the swallows diving in the wind...it is nice to be on days again. :)

Saturday-8:45am

Sunny morning. Was cooler, but it's heating up already with the morning sun beating in the windows. Supposed to be another AC day in the 80s. :)

I've been busy working on one of the secret projects since yesterday afternoon. Stayed up straight thru the day and was in bed at 7pm! Slept till 3am--that's close enough to being on days for me--hehe! I watch episodes of Ballykissangel from Netflix and work sessions on the project. Finally getting things done again. I hope to be done with this particular project by the end of the coming week.

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!

Friday-11:45am--Cogitation on positives and hidden blessings

I was thinking lately about how my life has changed. I mean once you get past the obvious differences--health, transportation, finances--how it has been altered for the better. When you have days (occasionally weeks) where you can be basically non-funtional due to pain or exhaustion or both, you have plenty of time to think and be observant of change. And recently my "optimism" and "positive thinking" has been brought to my attention by several people--hehe! (Thank you all!)

Some of you may remember Karen--met her when I was at MSUM. Karen helped Leah and I with the Everything's Handmade craft business we tried a few years ago. Karen would bring our crafts to her work's annual craft fair they have before Christmas. Anyways, her boss was writing an article on chronic pain for their newsletter--it's a family health center--and Karen said she thought of me. She called and asked me if her boss could interview me--sure. We connected on the phone and chatted for quite a while. Was fun! People seem surprised at how happy I am, I guess. That I have such a "positive attitude".

Made me think about why--and how I feel now vs. when I had been so depressed about being forced to quit college, losing my apartment in Moorhead, and worried about where I was going to live. BUT--students and teachers back then still told me I was positive and always laughing. ?? (They should see me now! hehe!)

Granted, I am especially happy right now due to the fact that Dagan and Leah won't be tied for years to that dreadfully constructed house and I feel like a fountain of joy--but I have noticed that I have changed a lot these past few years from dealing with all the health issues. It was very hard at first to deal with losing my independence--to have my body take over and totally control my life--in major life's path ways and even in the smaller matters of daily living. I had to learn acceptance of this new, limited body--to see myself differently in the physical world, I guess. Wasn't quick or easy to change my self-image, but you can't fight it forever--hehe! Well, you can, but it makes life a pretty miserable trip.

I think a huge part of how I deal with life--good and bad--is that I really have always believed that everything happens for a reason--long before I had a broader view of what those reasons might be--hehe! When I was young I thought that I must have been a really bad and horrible person in past lives and I was just getting what I deserved--so I needed to learn how to go through all these things in my life as positively as I could. Basically, I still believe that is probably true--hehe! But I am not so hard on myself about the past lives. :)

I was much more black or white in my younger days. The older I get, the more I see grey, zebra stripes, and polka dots--hehe! I think I always thought there was positive and negative in everything--but I had to search harder for the positives and used to feel I was drowning in the negatives at times. The more I realized that happiness is a choice one makes, the easier traveling through life has become. I say traveling through because life itself never gets any easier--hehe! But it is not what happens to you in life--it is how you live through it, right?

As the years have gone by and the events have occured and the lessons were learned the hard and slow way--I have finally gained some perspective over time, I guess. Okay, I still believe that the good and bad--the black and white--the postive and negative--they are always there--all the time--in everything and everybody. The hardest thing for me to learn was that the "bad" (the negatives--the traumas--the pain--the sorrow--the failures--the horror) is also a gift--a blessing in disguise. Not just something to flee, to endure, to crawl away from, or try to rise above--but to embrace. In fact, most all the monumental, important lessons are learned because of those very negative things! Very likely couldn't be learned any other way. I feel like I have been learning this lesson my whole life. I have weak areas that I still panic over (like my "losing the roof over the head" fear), but I am sooo much better than I was. And (interesting to me) the less I have allowed that fear to control me, the longer I have stayed in one place and the quicker I find a new one when needed.

Funny--the more I am able to embrace my dark side, the lighter I become! :) The more I face my flaws, weaknesses, blame, participation, and responsibility in all aspects of my life--the more contented I become. It is all wrapped up in forgiveness--of myself and others. And the more I stop fighting against and judging the negatives in myself and others--the more I react with love and forgiveness--the freer I feel. This has been a long process--my own personal spiritual path. (I am 57 years old and I remember my first spiritual crisis was when I was five years old.) I have made more significant progress the past 15 years--especially these past few years as my health totally declined. So, probably the biggest spiritual gift I have been given recently has been all my physical limitations! (Before that--it was Dagan and all of his health issues. He has been a blessing in my life in so many ways I cannot count them all!) And it continues--into my next life--hehe!--till I get it right. :)

So--where was I going with all of this rambling? I was thinking how these past several days, when I have been in a basically non-functional stretch again, I have been feeling sooooo peaceful, contented, grateful, and blessed. This is a common occurance for me the past few years here in Fargo. :) Even tho I might not be able to "do" that much these days, I can just "be", you know? My life has taken on this kind of living meditation most of the time--like carrying a smile in my chest. True--it might be because I don't have to deal with the rest of humanity much--hehe! I only leave the apartment once or twice a month--can pick and choose my visitors--and the same with the people I chat with online or write letters to. :) I have always enjoyed my own company--luckily!! I can still enjoy my arts and crafts--reading--writing--well, here and there anyways--when my body allows it--hehe! :) I can still learn new things--connect with people--have people and a cat I love. I can slowly accomplish things--but even when I can't, I can always work on my soul. And what is more important than that? :)

Thursday-5:15am

Best laid plans--hehe! First of all, my body wasn't cooperating with what my mind wanted to do last night. And then it turned out Dagan and Leah tried to bring their friends over to see the new place before they came over here and couldn't get in to see it anyways. The lady from the office wasn't there and they don't have a key yet, of course. My shopping was small and could wait, so we'll try again next week.

Dagan and Leah came over and we had a wonderful evening, tho. :) Leah was baking away. Dagan didn't have the right software to fix the laptop and will try again next week. (Was just a night where things were postponed in general--chuckle!) Leah drove Dagan home around midnight. She just left about half an hour ago--with bags of bread and ice cream pails full of cookies!

Was a good night! You can tell we are all relieved they will be out from under that house--come hell or high water, as they say. I don't think any of us realized what a weight this has been. :):)

The sun is coming up. Supposed to rain later. I'll be going to bed here pretty soon. Poor Leah is going to be tired working today. She was getting a lot done on her laptop during the night, tho. Getting a leg up. :) Was so nice just hanging out together last night--all of us. Laughing often again. The birds are singing. Life is good!